Don't Turn Your Back On Fear
by HallowQuinn
Summary: A stubborn, reclusive S.H.I.E.L.D Agent learns exactly what it means to be a reincarnated soul. She must learn to live with her prior life and current when they struggle to tear her apart, as well as learning to accept people for who they are. Everything is falling apart at the Seams and there's very few people left to turn to. Rated M for language and violence.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everyone, Hallow Quinn here. And I'm back with a new story._

I sincerely hope you all enjoy it, I'm working my butt off to get as accurate as I can with everything as well as put some interesting soul into it.  
I don't own anyone here, as if I did, I'd be in a much different line of work.  
There is a working playlist to accompany this fic, as well as some polyvore links, and probably eventually some artwork.  
I DO own Rowan Flynn and any artwork you see linked, unless otherwise notified.  
Much love and nerdy things  
~Hallow

_The last look in the mirror revealed a slight girl of eighteen, deep honey-colored eyes and perfectly coiffed coffee brown hair. Her full lips were done up in just the right amount of ruby red lipstick, her favorite pearl necklace in place just above the silver cross that she held dear. She was proud, thinking she had finally achieved the Rosie the Riveter look, even though a couple of hairs were still infuriatingly out of place. It couldn't be helped, however, as her girlfriends were more than likely en route to retrieve her for their girls-night-out. The World Exposition of Tomorrow was set to be tonight, revealing some crazy futuristic inventions. Ruby wasn't much a fan of science, but Wilma had insisted, saying that it would probably be packed full of Soldiers being deployed to the war. Straightening her red and white polka-dotted frock before puckering her lips to check her appearance one last time, she grinned, revealing a set of perfectly straight white teeth with just a dab of lipstick on them. With a frown, she quickly scrubbed the stray color from her teeth with a finger before turning to exit the bathroom, making sure to turn the light off when she left. It wouldn't do to run up her electricity lest she be forced to use candles again until she could scrape up the cash to get her lights up and __running._

_Moving to the front of her small, girlishly decorated apartment, listening to her own heeled shoes making a click-clack noise on the tiled floor, she moved to the front door, grabbing her purse with necessities tucked carefully inside before dropping her house keys inside and stepping out onto the darkening street. She could hear the telltale flicker and buzz of the nearby streetlight as the familiar glow illuminated the surrounding area. With a deep breath, she moved to stand under the pale glow, feeling considerably safer in the light. After only a moment, a black Chrysler pulled to a halt in front of her street light, the passenger door opening to reveal a woman of the same age as her. "Ruby! Come on, we have to meet our dates!" Wilma, ever boy crazy Wilma stated, a smile on her plain face._

_"Yeah, I know. I'd hardly want to keep you from your precious soldiers, Wil." Ruby replied, clutching her purse to her chest and letting herself into the back seat of the large vehicle. She self-consciously touched the corners of her lips to make sure the lipstick was still in place, hoping she looked acceptable enough. While Wilma's face was plain, her clothes were quite flashy. She had on a lemon yellow, half-sleeved silk shirt with a pale gray skirt. The nylons that covered her skinny legs were fairly racy, tiny fishnets. Ruby envied her that. She could never find a pair that looked proper. The heels on Wilma's feet were the latest strappy, open toed set on the market. Her shoulder length blonde hair was curled like a film star's, and her bright green eyes sparkled in the passing street-lights as she turned in her seat to face her friend. She really was quite stunning, even Ruby had to admit._

_"I know it's not your first choice of a girls' night, Ru, but James is such a nice guy, I think you'll really like him." she said with a wink of her eyes._

_"I have no doubt. You certainly have an eye for them. Who are you with? It's not like you to go on a blind date?" Ruby said, eying her friend suspiciously. In all honesty, it was a blind date for her as well. Wilma had met James Barnes, who preferred to go by 'Bucky' at her job. He had been getting his physical examination to go into the war. Wilma was a volunteer nurse with the recruiters, and as such had developed a deep love for American Soldiers. She was far more in to finding a mate than Ruby was. It wasn't that Ruby was uninterested, it was more that she feared falling in love with a man only to have him die overseas. She could hardly let herself go through that torment. Regardless, it was always hard to tell Wilma no, so when the pretty blonde insisted Ruby join her on this double date, she could do naught but agree._

_As the big Chrysler wound it's way through the throng of people and early evening event traffic to pull into a parking spot, Ruby dug her portable mirror out of her purse to check her lipstick one last time. Once satisfied that it was not on her teeth, she clicked the device shut and slipped it back into her purse. Wilma was out of the car before Ruby even had her seat belt off, clearly very excited that they had arrived and were about to spend an evening with a couple of dashing soldiers. Wilma had insisted Ruby put on her best girlish charm, as it was Bucky's last night out before being shipped out. As usual, Ruby could only nod in mild agreement at her spirited friend. They stood by a large monument, Wilma's green eyes darting this way and that, searching for their dates. When she saw Bucky, she hollered, waving him toward the monument they were standing by._

_Ruby let her eyes watch the man called Bucky carefully. He was dressed in his standard issue soldiers uniform, looking sharp and proud. As he neared them, the devil's grin on his face spoke worlds about his charm. He was taller than Ruby by almost a foot, even with her heels on, and he had the most beautiful blue eyes she had ever seen. He greeted Wilma with a quick embrace before moving to face Ruby._  
_"I hear you're my date for this evening. How did I get so lucky?" he asked. He held out his hand, waiting until she took it before he raised it to his lips and placed a kiss across her knuckles. "I'm Sergeant James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky. All my friends do." he said, offering her a grin._

_"Ruby." she responded, her introduction worlds less intricate than his, though it got the point across. "I'm not sure I'd say you're lucky, but you can thank Wilma for it one way or the other. She practically dragged me from home to meet you. Who's your friend?" Ruby asked, feeling suddenly bad for leaving the other man out. He was a short guy, and probably weighed 90 pounds soaking wet, but he had a determination in his eyes that Ruby couldn't put her finger on. He seemed genuine enough. Nodding her head to the short blonde man, she offered him a smile. "Nice to meet you."_

_Wilma, however, looked as if she had swallowed something disgusting. The expression was quickly erased, a smile in place of the scowl. Ruby, however, knew her friend better than that. She knew Wilma was probably regretting letting Bucky set up her half of the date. It was too late now, however. Wilma had insisted on this night, and Ruby would not be trading. Her friend had made the bed, and now she'd have to lay in it. Perhaps it would teach the blonde woman not to judge a book by it's cover. When introductions were made, the other man being introduced as Steve Rogers, Bucky ushered them into the large building that would hold the event. It was, as Wilma had suspected, quite packed. There were plenty of tables full of inventions to see, but the main event was one put on by a man named Howard Stark. He was a well known, wealthy inventor, and a brilliant man. Ruby was floored to see the car he presented, and even more mystified when it lifted completely off the ground and hovered there for a few seconds before crashing to the ground. She was thankful that there was a distraction, as Wilma was becoming quite fidgety. She had taken a slight dislike to Steve, not even trying to hold a conversation with the poor guy. Ruby felt that the blonde would have been better off with the handsome Bucky, but the latter seemed to have taken quite the shine to her. He had spent the entirety of the evening playfully nudging her with his elbow and laughing when she'd turn to shoot him a lidded glare. It was endearing to be truthful, and Ruby found herself quite glad that Wilma was stuck with the other, more awkward male._

_When the presentation was finished, Bucky mentioned something about dancing and wanting to fill his last evening with good memories. Wilma was all for it, more than likely hoping she could snag another date at the dance hall. Ruby wasn't a dancer, but she found herself almost elated that she would be able to spend a couple more hours with this charming man before he was shipped away. Pushing the morbid thoughts away, she excused herself to the ladies room with Wilma to fix her makeup._

_"That Rogers is a real stick in the mud. Leave it to Bucky to set up a pity date." Wilma complained as soon as they were in front of the mirror._

_"Oh, come on, Wil. Give the guy a chance. You've barely said two words to him." Ruby scolded lightly, touching up her lips before powdering her nose._

_"Why don't you date him then? Switch me." Wilma begged._

_"Not a chance." Ruby said with a wink before slipping out of the bathroom to rejoin the boys._

_Steve didn't end up going to the dance hall with them, leaving Bucky with two dates. He had instead wanted to stay at the world expo, though Bucky never revealed what he had stayed to do. Wilma was ecstatic that she would finally be rid of the boring, socially awkward man, and Ruby saw the look in her eye that said she'd be gunning for Bucky's attention. When they arrived at the dance hall, Wilma wasted no time in snagging the soldier and dragging him to the dance floor, leaving Ruby alone. The dark haired girl decided she'd let her friend have some fun. She had the soldier's attention through the Expo, Wilma might as well get some fun out of this part of the date. She was the one who loved dancing after all. As she wandered to the refreshments table and poured herself a cup of the complimentary punch, she turned, leaning her hip lightly on the table. She watched the couples move across the dance floor as her own hips moved to the music. Sipping idly on her beverage, Ruby was surprised to see Bucky approaching her after only three songs. He had a wide smile on his face with a look that said he was up to something._

_"What're you staying over here for?" he asked, joining her._

_"All the good ones are taken." She replied with a small smile._

_"Aw, that's not true. Borrowed, maybe. But not taken. Would you do this soldier the honor of joining me for the next dance?" he asked, holding his hand out._

_"I'm afraid I can't." she said, shaking her head. Truly, she wanted to dance with him, but based on the way the night went prior, she knew that if she gave in to him, her feelings would only become stronger._

_"You're breakin' my heart." he said, putting his hand to his chest in mock pain._

_"And if I agree, I'll be the one left with a broken heart." she said, offering him a coy grin. "What do you thing happens to us girls when you guys go away?"_

_"I don't know. Move on? There are plenty of partners on the floor, and you're a beautiful girl. I'm sure plenty of guy's would die to dance with you." he said, his head tilting slightly._

_"Hardly. I've grown fond of you, James Barnes. A girl like me's got a big heart, sure. But it's all for one guy. If I dance with you, you'll be takin' my heart overseas with you. I'm not sure i can let that happen." she said, watching his face. His blue eyes seemed to soften and light up at the same time, and the smile that he flashed her could have illuminated a pitch black room._

_"Then I'll take it with me and cherish it. But only if you'll dance with me." he pushed, his hand still waiting to take hers._

_"I'll dance with you if you'll come back to me." she countered. She was not about to agree so easily. Even if the promises were empty, they would hold her over for a little while after he left._

_"Deal, sweetheart." he said. Setting her drink down, she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow, grinning at him as he led her to the dance floor. She could see Wilma, out of the corner of her eye, shooting her a glare, though looking like she was taking the loss with good grace. As the song began to play, Bucky moved them about the dance floor, taking her hand in his and pulling her as close as it was appropriate. She could hear him softly singing the words of the song, his face close enough to hers that she could see the deep hues of his eyes as he guided them to the tune of the song._

'..That old black magic has me in its spell, that old black magic that you weave so well.  
Those icy fingers up and down my spine  
That same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine.  
The same old tingle that I feel inside, and then that elevator starts its ride  
And down and down I go, round and round I go, like a leaf that's caught in the tide.  
I should stay away, but what can I do?  
I hear your name and I'm aflame  
Aflame with such a burning desire that only your kiss can put out the fire.  
For you're the lover I have waited for, the mate that fate had me created for.  
And every time your lips meet mine, darling, down and down I go, round and round I go  
In a spin, loving the spin I'm in, under that old black magic called love.'

_She felt the last notes move through her body as the song ended. She almost wished she had agreed to more than one dance, but she had made herself clear. Was it too late to change her mind? The man danced like a dream, a perfect gentleman. And he sang the words to her favorite song with a familiarity that told her that he enjoyed the song too. She pulled away, letting her hands remain in his as she glanced into his eyes. There was an easy calm there, a comfort that was foreign to her. It was as if she had known him forever, and not like they had just met only moments before. It was a strange phenomenon that could only be described as the fabled instantaneous love, and she knew her eyes were telling him volumes._

_For a moment, she actually believed that he would return to her when the war was finished, and she let herself bask in the swelling feelings in her chest. Part of her knew she should have never agreed to that one dance, but part of her was too far away, floating comfortably on cloud nine, to even care. The moment could not have been more perfect, though it was not to last. A voice broke the spell, calling her name, touching her arm and pulling her away from Bucky. She was fighting against the strength of the individual as a new song started. Bucky's face was there, strong as ever, pulling her from the other arm, his face playful, but not ready to let her go. _

_-_  
Waking with a start, the woman sat up in bed, feeling extremely disoriented and groggy. The dream had been so real...so vivid. For a moment, she was entirely unsure as to where she was. And when. She was no stranger to colorful dreams, having trained herself in the art of Lucid Dreaming, but these ones were too real, too haunting. The man's face swam into the forefront of her mind as she struggled to shake herself out of sleep. Those eyes. those beautiful blue eyes. She had recognized him, her heart pounding as she recalled that devilish grin. James... A shrill noise broke her out of her post-sleep stupor, her phone blaring '_It's rainin' men, HALLELUJAH!'. _With a snort at her own clever ringtone, she stretched her arm out to grab the small device in her hand. Checking the number to find it was blocked, she pursed her lips. There were very few people that called her from a blocked number, and it was usually either very interesting, or very, very bad. With a yawn, she flipped the device open.

"Yeah?" she muttered into the receiver, only realizing she sounded far more gruff than was necessary after the word left her mouth.

"Agent Flynn? Good to finally get a hold of you. We've been trying for at least an hour now?" the deep, stern voice of Director Nick Fury came from the speaker.

"An hour?" Rowan Flynn repeated, confusion sinking in again. Surely she would have heard the phone ringing the first time. It wasn't as if the volume was ever kept at a reasonable level. She preferred to keep it loud with silly ringtones to the dismay of anyone around her, and her own amusement.

"Was I unclear? I was under the impression that you understood when S.H.I.E.L.D calls, you answer." he spoke, sounding more than a little irritated.

"I was clear, sir. I didn't hear my phone." she muttered, rubbing her eyes with her free hand, still trying to shake the remnants of the dream from her consciousness.

"How in the hell didn't you hear your phone? People in _China_ could hear that damned thing." he said, the voice sounding shocked, and a little bemused.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I was sleeping. I think. I don't know. Lucid dreams, sir. They dig their claws in and don't let you go until they're damn well good and ready." she said, figuring honesty was the best route. Fury had enough secrets for the entire population of earth, and she was't about to jump on the white lie bandwagon.

"Have you contacted Doctor Strange about this?" he prompted after a moment of uncomfortable silence. Rowan had known that was coming. It always came up upon mention of anything even slightly supernatural. As Lucid dreams were not exactly common, Fury dictated that it was Strange's area of expertise, despite the fact that the latter man had previously been a surgeon, not a sorcerer.

"I haven't. And I probably won't. It's not a big deal. I'm susceptible to the things." Rowan defended. Though this one had been much, _much_ different. This one was far too realistic. It was no soul journey or astral travel that she had ever experienced in her short career as a spiritualist or mystic. "I'm sure you didn't call me about Strange. What did you need, sir?" Rowan prompted, not wanting to dwell on thoughts of the Sorcerer Supreme.

"Stark had another panic attack, called me to call you. He wants some of that tea you make to calm yourself down." he said, sounding supremely annoyed that he was playing middle-man to a probably hysterical Tony Stark.

"He has my number." Rowan replied flatly, before pursing her lips, realized that if his panic attack was that bad, logical thought was probably not his strong suit. "Regardless. I've got it covered." she said, shaking her head, her waist length, silky dark brown hair falling out of the braid she kept it in while she slept. She pushed a couple of wisps out of her face before reaching for her pack of cigarettes on the nightstand and lighting one. Stark had been in her dream too, but it hadn't been Tony. Why Rowan had dreamt of his father was yet another peculiar point in a very odd dream.

"Thank you. Oh. And agent?" Fury said.

"Hm?"

"Talk to Strange." he commanded before hanging up without so much as a farewell.

Shaking her head as she exhaled the strangling smoke, she rolled her light honey colored eyes. '_like that's going to happen._' she thought to herself, frowning. Putting the cigarette between her lips, she stood and stripped out of her pajama bottoms, pulling on a pair of nondescript black skinny jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. Tapping the ashes from her cigarette, she set it down for a moment to re-braid her long hair and apply a quick cat eye design of eyeliner. Placing the stick back between her lips and inhaling, she moved on bare feet to her kitchen and gathered the herbs she would need to help Tony come down from his panic fiasco. She packed extra just in case the attack was severe, as well as a couple of sticks of incense and some calming oils. While she wasn't a traditional doctor, she had been interested in herbs and earth medicine since she was a child, favoring gardens and herbal remedies over even kid's tylenol. The knowledge only grew as the years passed, until at twenty three, she graduated an online college with a degree in Herbal Medicine.

When she was sufficiently content with her packing, she pulled on her boots and her black leather jacket, slung the bag over her shoulder and left to try to catch a taxi to Avenger's Tower.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note-  
_**_**I told myself I wasn't going to upload the next chapter until I got 100 views  
Sure, it's not necessarily reads, or even favorites, but it shows interest, so with that being said,  
**_**_Thanks for taking the time to glance at, read, follow, fave and review :) There's more to come.  
I don't own any Marvel characters. That leaves Rowan. Her I do own.  
Hopefully the rest of the chapters keep your interest.  
Don't be afraid to toss a review my way. I write this for myself, but I love taking you all along with me for the ride  
Hold on to your asses!  
~_**_ Hallow_

Hailing a cab hadn't been nearly as frustrating as she thought it would be as she made an exit through the left hand back door of the hideously yellow vehicle and tossed the cabbie his fare. He was friendly enough, though started asking too many questions when she told him her destination. Could he get an autograph? Where did Captain America live? Was Black Widow single? What were their true Identities? Was Thor actually a god? All things that made her irritation spike considerably. She remained quiet, offering only yes or no answers to the questions she could brush off, and silence to the more complicated ones as the inquiries came in waves. It was none of his business. Finally, when she had enough, she lied and told him she was just a janitor and wasn't authorized to get any information. He didn't seem to believe her, but ceased his barrage of nonsense anyway. It was moments like these that Rowan was reminded why she hated leaving her comfortable flat, and even more why she hated being in the city. And the cabs. The god awful, stinking cabs. She especially hated those.

Stepping into the building, she blinked slowly, glancing around the pristine lobby. She took a moment to appreciate the cleanliness that was in severe contrast with the vehicle she had just stepped out of. Everything seemed to be in place. She made her way to the elevators, not bothering to stop at the front desk. The personnel in charge of the front lobby hadn't really been the epitome of friendly to Rowan, and she hadn't exactly responded well to that. They were on a stiff nod-only basis. She didn't stop to speak to them, and they didn't bother her. Last time they tried that, Rowan had to refrain from uppercutting the little blonde in the jaw. She understood being leery and protective of the tower, but referring to Rowan as 'unauthorized riff-raff' despite her standard issue S.H.I.E.L.D badge was over the line. Pepper Potts had not been thrilled to deal with that mess. Rowan was still apologizing for that incident every time she saw the older red-head. Tony still thought it was funny, much to Pepper's dismay. Rowan had to wonder if Tony's amusement was the reason behind the young woman's perpetual need to apologize to Tony's significant other.

As she moved, she could feel the glare radiating from the front desk, though she chose to ignore it as she entered the elevator, pressed a button, swiping her identification quickly when the speakers emitted a shrill beep, telling her that proof was required to ascend to the floor that held Tony and all of his cool toys. When the elevator began to move, Rowan closed her eyes tightly, praying the ride was over soon. She so hated elevators. Especially lengthy rides. After almost a full minute ride, the doors slid silently open to reveal a white marble floor and a gigantic glass door to the immediate left. Hopping off the moving box with more gusto than she actually felt, she briskly walked to the glass doors and let herself in. She could see a small group of three people gathered around the white surface to the far right of the room. The white leather chairs were unoccupied, and Rowan stared for a moment at the sky outside the glass windows. So high up. Swallowing her discomfort, she moved with purpose, her booted feet making little sound on the hard floor. She examined the inhabitants of the room with mild curiosity. One of them she recognized to be Tony Stark, his form folded onto one of the bar stools as his head rested in his palms. It looked as if he could pull his hair out at any second. He was wearing a pair of worn jeans and a soft grey shirt that Rowan was almost positive read "Iron Maiden" across the front. His gold watch sparkled in the sunlight, drawing her attention to a set of thin silver cuff-like bracelets, one for each wrist. She wasn't sure if they were of 'healing copper' origin, or if he had gone against Pepper's wishes and restarted his collection of Iron Man suits. Mark 42 had been programmed to respond to similar silver bracelets. A quick image of a hovering car swam to Rowan's mind's eye before she quickly pushed it away, not liking the feelings that the dream remnants were invoking.

The only other female in the room was the long time girlfriend of Stark, Pepper Potts. Her pristine business suit screamed professional confidence, though her hair was in a relaxed half-up, half-down style, and her blue eyes studied Tony's face with great concern. The other one Rowan was familiar with, though wasn't particularly thrilled to see. He sat, unnaturally suspended in thin air, legs arranged into a comfortable criss-cross position, his back to Rowan and the door. Despite his seemingly comfortable pose, Rowan knew the face was older, slightly older than middle aged. His black hair was cropped short, streaks of white creating stark contrast to the rest of his hair. He wore a loose fitting blue shirt and black slacks, and a strange green glow emanated from the area around him. The most peculiar by far, however, was the cloak he wore. It was crimson red edged in golden threads, and was quite honestly very out of place. She knew well who the man was, and she knew that the cloak was what gave him the power to defy gravity and comfortably perch in thin air. She didn't think a sorcerous surgeon could help Tony Stark with his panic attacks. Not unless he planned on doing some brain surgery and tampering with the neurons. He had to have been present for another reason. Part of her mentally blamed Fury for this, wishing she would have read into his demands of speaking to Stephen Strange. Taking a deep breath, Rowan finally made it to the group, joining them with a small nod of greeting.

"Sorry it took me so long. I didn't hear my phone go off the first time." she admitted, moving behind the bar to start making the tea right away. '_Or the second or third...'_ she mentally added. While she worked on setting the water on an electronic burner, she unpacked her supplies. She took out the carefully crushed chamomile and added a sprinkling to the metal screened spoon she would use to steep the herbs in water. She added passionflower, her home grown lemon balm leaves and a double helping of her personal favorite, Valerian. When the water was bubbling, she turned and placed the herb screen into the water, letting it sit for a moment before opening it and adding lavender. Placing the spoon back into the mug with an audible clink, she closed her eyes and willed the soft conversation around her out of her head. She had to reach the higher state of consciousness to infuse the tea with extra-healing energy. A handsome face swam to her mind, blue eyes reaching into her very soul, and she scowled, eyes shooting open. That face seemed intent on haunting her, the man from her dreams begging for another dance. Biting the inside of her lip, she pushed the dream memories away in favor of doing what she went there to to. She caught the curious glance of the Sorcerer present, but ignored him. She had to deal with this, as she had promised to do, before she could address any supernatural oddities happening in her life. When she was comfortably suspended in a meditative state, she called the universal energies to her, letting her hands touch the mug gently as she transported energy into the herb-infused water, thinking only thoughts of healing and calm. When she felt she had done enough, she let herself fall back into her own body, sliding the mug to Tony after stirring the herbs a few times.

"That should get you back under control." Rowan said, a motherly expression taking over her young features.

"It's hot." Tony complained.

"I just boiled it." Rowan replied flatly, her patience with the man wanting to waver despite her deep understanding of the mental horror he was probably struggling with. "It's not going to be as good cold. Tough it up, Metal-man." she said, affection creeping into her tone.

Wordlessly, Tony sipped the tea, frowning at the scorching liquid, though remaining silent. For once. It was very rare that the man didn't have a biting, sarcastic remark about every little thing. It was something that most found extremely aggravating, though Rowan had found rather entertaining. She was quite fond of Tony Stark, though not in a romantic sense. More in a companionable, mutual understanding sense. Though he was more self-centered than she, she shared his love for alcohol and knowledge. They had bonded shortly after New York when Fury had hired her directly out of her college graduation, saying they needed a variety of talent on his team. After the invasion, calls for medical assistance had skyrocketed. Not only pharmaceuticals had boomed, but holistics as well. Rowan had never been in it for the money, but it had been convenient that her chosen career path had risen in need upon her graduation. Working for a clandestine government group hadn't been her intention, but it had been an offer she couldn't refuse. Getting to know the heroes behind the earth's salvation had been a bonus.

"Miss Flynn, if you're finished there, I'd like to speak with you." the other man in the room said, his voice mild, his blue eyes sparkling in a kind, intelligent way.

"Let me guess, Fury told you I'd be here." she replied, her eyes meeting the man's.

"He had mentioned it, yes. However when he couldn't get a hold of you, he contacted me to pay a visit to Mr. Stark. to make sure the psychosis didn't sink in too deeply. It was a fairly unfortunate attack, though nothing you can't handle. Fortunate you got here when you did." he said, his body lowering to the ground enough for his feet to touch the marble floor. It still made Rowan supremely uncomfortable to see a man hovering, sitting comfortably on nothing. It was difficult for her to wrap her head around. She had to avert her eyes from him in order to gather her bearings. After the dreams, witnessing Stephen Strange's magic was almost too much to handle.

"If he drinks that, he'll be okay for today. I'll be leaving a blend for him to drink at night." she said. She momentarily considered making herself that same blend. The dreams haunted her. She wasn't sure she wanted a repeat.

"I'm sure he will. You are quite skilled at what you do. A born mystic, I would go so far to assume." he said, his eyes saying something that Rowan wasn't willing to handle.

"I've heard. I'm no mystic. Just a lowly gardener." she said, shaking her head.

"You're no lowly gardener, child. What you can do greatly improves the life quality of many people. But that is not what I came to discuss with you. Would you mind joining me in my study?" he asked, his eyes flickering to Tony. "That is, if you're done with her." he added, addressing the other man.

"I'm good. Thanks Ro. I feel better already. A couple shots of whiskey and I'll be good as new." he said, his sarcastic grin moving into place.

"I don't think you need any liquor. At all." Pepper scolded firmly, crossing her arms.

"It might not be a bad idea. Respectively." Rowan interjected. She held up a finger to Strange before moving back to her supplies. She quickly separated and bagged up separate servings of the blend she had given him, as well as a different blend for bedtime use. "Within reason. I'm not saying a bottle of bourbon is wise, but a couple of shots before bed, along with the tea isn't going to hurt. It may even help. If you're anything like me, the dark is when all the monsters come out to play." she said, her eyes raising apologetically to Pepper. "It helps calm the nerves."

"I have no doubt." Pepper responded dryly. The woman was no stranger to Rowan's love of bourbon. There had been a good couple times that Rowan had joined Tony in a drinking binge, and Pepper had been none too pleased. The only saving grace was Rowan didn't like to go out to drink. She much preferred remaining securely in a familiar place, so when drinking with Tony, they'd usually end up playing pool or requesting obnoxious things of JARVIS. Until one of them passed out in the wee hours of the morning and then slept all day. Rowan figured it was best to have a reliable drinking buddy that you could trust to keep you out of trouble. It was for that reason and that reason only that Pepper allowed the two to drink together. Sometimes, Rowan even suspected that Pepper was fond of her in a strange matronly kind of way.

"If you need any more, don't hesitate to call. Best to do it yourself though, as Fury was none to happy with me missing calls." Rowan replied, placing her ingredients back in her bag.

"You missed seven calls." Tony said. "You going to answer if I call?" he added, swiveling around in his chair to watch her pack up.

"It wasn't intentional." she replied shortly. "I was sleeping. Or something. I don't know. I'll answer." she said, shaking the memories away again for the hundredth time that afternoon.

"Promise?" Tony prodded.

"Of course." Rowan said, rolling her eyes, though offering a smile. "Unless there's no service in Doc's study. Who knows what plane that place is on." she said, shooting a dig at the sorcerer.

"It resides on this plane." Strange interjected, undaunted by Rowan's words.

"Well then no problem." Rowan said with a nod, slinging her bag over her shoulder for the second time that day. "I wouldn't refuse a shot of whiskey for the trip though. Travelling between planes is extremely uncomfortable." she said, standing, hoping that Stark agreed to slide her a shot. It was only fair. A remedy for a remedy.

With a grin, Tony hopped up and moved with a familiar ease to his spot behind the bar. Pepper merely shook her head, but seemed thankful that Tony was back to his normal, chipper self. The dark haired man pulled down two immaculate shot glasses and took down a bottle of expensive looking amber liquid. Rowan could feel her mouth watering at the thought. She could already feel the burn in her throat as she anticipated the liquid being passed to her. As Tony handed her the mini glass, he raised his own in a toast. As the clinked glasses and then downed their respective shots, she set the glass down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She could feel her eyes watering as the mouthful of whiskey burned it's way into her gut. Squeezing her eyes shut to stop the tear ducts from spilling saline tears onto her cheeks, she stood, waiting for the sensations to pass.

As her eyes remained closed, she was taken away from the present for a moment. Behind her eyelids a vision played like a black and white movie. She couldn't hear words, not like she had in her dream, but the imagery was just as vivid._'A bottle of Jack Daniels Tennessee Whiskey sat on a slim wooden end table, mostly empty save for a couple more mouthfuls. The heaviness in her heart was tangible, suffocating as unfamiliar hands pushed a newspaper away and grabbed for an item to the immediate left of the body. A shining black pistol merged into view, loaded, no safety. It was an old-style gun, had to have been new.'_ As the hammer clicked into place, Rowan was ejected violently from the images, feeling as if her heart was caught solidly in her throat. She could feel the gazes of the three other people in the room. Tony looked smug, probably figuring that the shot was too strong for the young woman to take. Rowan would let him think as much. Strange seemed far more knowledgeable about the situation, moving forward. Rowan stepped away, putting up her hand.

"I'm good. That was strong." she said, glancing up at Tony. "Just what I needed to stomach the trip." she said, offering a small smile.

"If you're quite finished, we must leave. I have much to discuss with you about your herbal findings." Strange said, remaining where he stood, his hands clasped behind his back.

"I'm ready to go. See you guys later." she said, glancing at Pepper and Tony. They both bid her farewell, and Rowan stepped toward Strange. "Try to go easy on me." she insisted, referring to the sorcery he was about to demonstrate. The man could walk between planes of existence with the ease of a hot knife slicing through butter. He found it simple. Rowan was not of the same mind set. She tentatively reached out her hand, letting him take it in his own gloved limbs before summoning a glowing portal that radiated otherworldly energy. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Rowan followed him through, bracing herself against the discomfort of moving between realms. While his study may have been in the human realm as he claimed, getting from New York to Tibet was no small feat. What generally required a lengthy plane ride, Strange could accomplish in a matter of seconds. He was used to it, but she was not. When they stepped through on the other side, the room swallowed her in a familiar energy. They were indeed in the realm of man, a small comfort. She stepped away from Strange as the glowing portal closed, brushing imaginary dust from her clothes.

"Okay, what did you bring me here for?" she prompted. Better to be all thorns and barbs than let on that she was having an incredibly odd day.

"Fury mentioned you've been practicing Lucid Dreaming. I'd like to know more about your studies." he pressed, moving to sweep a hand toward a plush chair. This would be a long conversation she had no doubt. She might as well make herself comfortable. She hadn't wanted to come here, nor to speak to the Sorcerer Supreme, but thanks to the meddling of Director Nick Fury, she had no choice. Admitting defeat, she slumped down into the chair, finding it far more comfortable than she had initially expected. She might as well get this over with. If she didn't do it now, there was no telling when she would be ambushed by the secretive director and his peculiar friends. Some of which had become _her_ peculiar friends if the visit to Tony had been any indicator. She had to believe that Fury only did this because he cared. Otherwise, the aggravation would sink in and eat her alive. She already had ghostly visions to occupy her time, being angry at Fury wasn't something she had time for.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Author's note~  
Hello my lovelies  
Uploading another installment of my fic in progress.  
I hope you've enjoyed your stay so far  
I do not own anyone aside from Rowan.  
Hold on to your asses  
-Hallow_**

* * *

"So what exactly did you want to know? I'm pretty sure you're familiar with lucid dreams." Rowan prompted as soon as she had her legs tucked comfortably under her body and her arms wresting idly in her lap. Her bag of herbs rested at her feet, zipped tightly so nothing would fall out. She was finding herself wishing she had taken more than just one shot with Tony, but for his own well being, it was better to leave it at just one. Even if her inner alcoholic was screaming at her for not grabbing more. With a small pout, she made an attempt at silencing the mental war.

"I am indeed. Who taught you the methods of achieving these dreams?" he asked, settling himself into a hovering position in the air, much to Rowan's dismay. She eyed the cloak fluttering oddly as if lightly touched by an invisible breeze. Her mood was darkening by the second. She had not wanted to be here. Why couldn't he just take her to his office in New York? Why did it have to be Tibet?

"Bill Gates?" Rowan snarked. The short visit with Tony had rubbed off on her, even though he hadn't been his usual self. Not that she had ever really needed encouragement to be a sarcastic ass. Especially in frustrating situations. "Okay fine. Internet. Probably not the most dependable methods, but I've learned to take everything with a grain of salt. Plus, as a self proclaimed earth witch, I twist everything to work with me." she revealed, getting her sarcasm in check. Strange seemed legitimately interested in helping her. While the child in her wanted to push all of his buttons, the logical adult wanted to hear what he had to say on the matter. The adult, thankfully, was winning the battle. She wondered how long _that_ would last for.

"Smart enough. Have you always had an interest in the dream world?" Doctor Strange prompted.

"Interest? Not necessarily. Contact, yes. It used to be flashes of situations that hadn't happened yet. I didn't think anything of it. Not until my parentage was revealed to me in a cryptic dream. It dogged me for days until I found the papers left at the foster care. My dreams led me to my mother. And to the truth behind my father's identity. But I'm sure you already knew that." She shared, her honey-colored eyes boring into him. She put every ounce of disappointment into her gaze as she could manage, but the man seemed unphased.

"Premonitions are not uncommon among psychics." he said, seeming ponderous.

"I'm no psychic. Not in the mutation sense of the word anyway. I know of a few. I'm no Jean Gray. I have dreams. That's all. I figured it was just a part of the whole 'opening myself up to the universe' thing. Seeking higher consciousness. Nothing serious. Probably doesn't help that daddy dearest is some sort of wizard or something." Rowan said with a shrug, shooting him a look. "Again, pretty sure you're an expert in that department. Calling me a mutant because I have premonitions is the pot calling the kettle black." She stretched one leg out in front of her, letting it dangle just over the edge of the chair while her other leg was tucked neatly under her body still. One of her arms traveled to the arm of the chair to rest an elbow, her chin finding her palm and staring at the Doctor with a tilt of her head. "Seriously, Doc. Why'd you bring me here? You know I'm not really your biggest fan. If it weren't for Fury's meddling, I'd be happily avoiding you."

"I am aware. You must know that I was unaware of the things you presume. Your existence was unknown to me until shortly before Fury found you." He said, his stunning eyes softening.

"I don't want to get into it. I just want to know why you've brought me here." Rowan said, her voice cold, staring hard at the man in front of her. She had accepted her years prior to to her adult life. She wasn't some wayward child to be pitied. Foster care hadn't been nearly as rough as it could have been and Rowan had learned to keep her head down. Books had kept her occupied enough. There had never been any need to dwell on why her parents didn't want her. It hadn't actually been until she was enrolled in college that she got the dreams leading her to her origins. And she never cared to ask any questions. It wasn't something that she cared to let eat her up inside. There were far better ways to spend her time.

"Fury hinted at you having more lucid dreams than usual." he proceeded, deciding against pushing the subject she seemed so keep to cut off.

"Fury needs to mind his business." Rowan replied, her lips pressing into an unamused flat line.

"His agents are his business. They are like his children. When there are things happening with them, he does what he can to help. You know that as well as I, as you were recruited as one of those boons. You became one of his team, an occurrence that he rarely takes lightly. " Strange replied. "You are drifting into things beyond his understanding. I am more prepared to help you than he. I think you know that."

"'Course I do. Doesn't mean I wanted your help. I'm perfectly content dealing with things on my own, thanks." she replied, staring at the older man, practically daring him to challenge her words.

"Desired or no, I am here to help you. What did you see in Tony's sitting room?" He said, a no nonsense tone entering his words. Right to business then. His eyes cut into her with an expression that said he wasn't about to deal with her dancing around the subject or lying.

"I don't know." she said, not giving him any more than that.

"What do you mean you don't know?" he asked, anger seeping into his words.

"I mean I don't know. Rather, I couldn't decipher it. And I didn't to. Whatever it was, it was crushing. Painful. I could feel my heart literally breaking. After my dream last night, I didn't want to dwell on it or think on it. It's too much." she said, clipping her words. This was not what she wanted. But, despite all of her hesitation, she knew that out of everyone she knew, he was the only doctor with the qualifications to give her the help she needed. With a deep sigh, she ran her hand over her face before looking back up at him, her chin placed back in her palm. "I saw some whiskey, a newspaper, and a gun." She finally revealed.

"What did the newspaper say?" Strange asked, seeming to instantly forget her hesitation.

"No idea. The vision was short." she said, almost upset that she hadn't paid more attention. But the pain had been crushing. Too much to handle.

"Was it a premonition?" he asked.

"No. I've never had a premonition while I've been awake. Plus, I got the feeling that it happened already. Before." she said. "It was painfully familiar in a way that I can't put my finger on."

"Have you ever read up on reincarnation?" he mused, stroking the short beard on his chin, a faraway look on his face.

"No. I mean I know what it is. I understand the theories, but I've never actually done any intensive research." she replied, glancing up at him. "Why? Do you think that's what my visions are?" she asked.

"I don't know. You said you had a peculiar dream last night. Am I to understand it is what caused your lack of response and tardiness?"

"Yeah. But it wasn't a dream. More like a memory. A very vivid, very real memory. It was a pretty old-timey girl and her friend. At the 1943 World Exposition of Tomorrow. And then a dance hall. I..._she _danced with a handsome soldier. His name was James Barnes. Gods, I even heard the song. 'That old black magic'." Her lips formed the words, and a sharp pang hit her in the chest. The face of the handsome stranger swam into view again. Doctor Strange seemed to watch her closely, though silently, letting her ride out the images. "I can hear it now. He sang it while we danced. They. While _they _danced. I'm sorry, it was so real." she said, shaking her head. "Just assume if I say 'I' I mean 'her'. Her name was Ruby. I never got a last name." Rowan said, clenching her teeth against the feelings of deep disappointment.

"Perhaps not yet. Sounds like quite a lengthy dream. Most do not last quite that long. Most are mere fragments. This seems quite different." he mused, dropping to his feet and disappearing behind a bookshelf in the vast expanse of his study. He returned with a dusty tome and dropped it on his desk, flipping through pages with his back to the young woman. He remained silent as he paged through the information, carefully handling the ancient book with its fragile, crackling pages. A few moments passed, the two of them remaining silent, Stephen Strange searching his book, Rowan quietly waiting, letting her mind wander into the small details of her dream. When he had seemingly found what he was looking for, Stephen turned, carrying the book to her. "I believe you may find this interesting." he offered, holding the book out to her.

Taking it gently in her hands, she lowered it to her lap, her neck arched downward to let her eyes scan the page. Before she immersed herself in the information, she took a moment to appreciate the age of the book. It had to have had an origin of at least late 1800's. It still smelled of ink and old pages, the scent like a drug to Rowan's nose. Her deep love of books was unwavering, and she was beyond thrilled to have her hands on such an old tome. When she was finished enjoying the moment, she set to work reading what was placed in front of her. There was a lot of things that rang true to her visions. Reincarnation began to make a lot more sense, started to feel like a solid explanation to what she was experiencing. Or rather why she was having these dreams. It made more sense than having somehow absorbed the memories of someone else. While she had done that before in an energy healing session, the memories she stole only lasted as long as the session. They remained no longer. The dreams she had were more vivid, and far too familiar. It had been more akin to flipping through an old photo album or watching an old family recording than a dream. Not to mention she hadn't touched anyone old enough to hold those memories. Especially not for long enough to get a good read on their past. All signs were truly pointing to reincarnation.

"This is quite an interesting theory. But even if it was reincarnation, how do I make it stop? Is there a way to find out who I was?" Rowan asked, her hands still gingerly smoothing across the pages. She wanted desperately to keep the tome, though she knew it would be out of the questions. Sorcerers rarely parted with such important knowledge.

"I do not think there is any stopping it. Your past life has a story to tell, and you're ready to hear it. As for finding out the identity of this Ruby, that is for you to figure out. If you have more dreams, search the details. I cannot help you with that. There may be those who can, Charles Xavier being one that comes to mind. But I would never suggest you open your mind to a psychic. Even one with good intentions. It it invasive and can be personal. What I know of you, dear Rowan, is that you are a recluse an you prefer to keep to yourself. And there is nothing wrong with that. But it makes helping in these situations incredibly difficult." Strange said, hovering over her. She had been too immersed in the book to realize he was again perched in mid air. "If you chose to seek out Xavier, however, you may discover things that are too painful to bear. The mind has a funny way of protecting it's vessel."

"So you're saying that there may be things more painful than the brief glimpse I caught at Tony's?" Rowan asked, her eyes searching his face, weighing his words.

"Can you think of a situation which alcohol and a gun is ever anything less than tragic. You felt the pain of your previous incarnation. I do not believe it was anything pleasant. There are things trying to break through. It is the why of it that I am concerned with. You have been among spiritualists for a long time now, surely these visions would have come sooner. You've had the power to harness these things since you were born, child. I wonder why these things are just revealing themselves to you now." he mused, his hand fluttering again to his facial hair.

"My mind protecting it's vessel?" Rowan offered by way of a small jest.

"Aside from that, my dear." he responded, a quick quirk of his eyebrow the only indication that he acknowledged the joke.

"Ah. You'd know better than I would." she responded, a shrug of her shoulders decorating her words. With great reluctance, she held the heavy book up, sad that she had to give it back. It was probably safer there anyway. The presence of ancient books made a thought click. As much as she had dug her heels in when it came to asking Strange for help, he was prepared. He took her to the place he had gained the knowledge of the Ancient One because this was where all of his best references were kept. Perhaps he was trusting her with bits of information that he couldn't, or didn't want to take with him to New York. '_Don't. Don't become kind. Get the help, and then leave. Don't make friends.' _Her petulant inner voice said. She could just imagine a smaller, younger version of herself crossing her arms with her bottom jaw jutted out in a convincing pout. Rolling her eyes at her own inner turmoil, she shook it off and focused on the conversation at hand.

"Not necessarily. While I have ancient knowledge of the arcane arts, I do not know everything. The key to these memories lies, perhaps, within this James Barnes. Or within Ruby herself. Yourself. For I deeply believe you are one in the same. Souls reincarnate because they have not yet achieved spiritual completeness. Much like a ghost is said to haunt due to unfinished business. The soul does not move on until it is fully evolved. There was a lesson you were sent to learn. Or many. This lifetime is certainly not your first, and it may not be your last. Generally, the current incarnation of a soul does not so vividly remember the past lives without outside provocation. Which leads me to believe that there is something to be learned here." he said, his body hovering precariously as the book began to raise from Rowan's hands with a small flick of his wrist and a dull green glow.

"But I don't know how to get the information. Or find this James. There was another man too, his friend. But I can't quite...Gods. Oh gods. It was Steve." Ruby said, her eyes widening as the memory hit her like a ton of bricks. "It was Captain America, but before he became what he is, I think. He was small. Very small. Ruby's friend was angry that she had agreed to go on a blind date with him. I'm dreaming of Steve and of Howard Stark, And of times that I couldn't ever possibly have seen with these eyes. This is all a lot to swallow." Rowan said, sounding as defeated as she felt.

"Interesting. Perhaps finding this James would be easier with the help of Steve. If Mr. Rogers can remember this Ruby, that evening, or any detail, maybe you can fit the pieces together. I fear that if you do not try, it will eat you up from the inside." Strange said, pursing his lips.

"I haven't seen Steve since New York. I actually don't even know where he'd be. I'm not a high enough level of agent to get to keep tabs on everyone." Rowan said, frowning deeply.

"Yet you have become friends with Mister Stark? Seems odd that a low level agent would be allowed that." Strange said, a small grin on his lips. "He is not known for being a good influence." a little twinkle in his eye suggested he was quite fond of the other man.

"Friends, sir. Not keeper. And I'm perfectly capable of being my own bad example. Tony just complements that." she said with a small grin of her own. Resuming her serious facade, she spoke again. "I think that Fury is the only one that gets to know where every single one of his people are at all times. Him and Agent Coulson. Maybe Nat...er.. Agent Romanov." Rowan said, making sure she used the proper names of the other S.H.I.E.L.D personnel.

"Coulson is believed to be dead, yet you are privy to the knowledge that he is not." Strange said.

"Dreams, sir. It came to me in a dream. And actually, he _was _dead. For days. I don't know how they did it, and I probably never will. But I do know he's alive." Rowan said, becoming uncomfortable sharing her knowledge. "That's how Fury knew I was having dreams. Dreams that could threaten some of his well kept secrets. He had a little chat with me, said I could keep those secrets and he'd let me in on considerably more than most desk Agents. That or he'd silence me. I think it was a threat." she said, shaking her head. "He certainly takes this organization seriously."

"As do we all. It is for the better good of humanity that we all work together, despite our differences. We have to learn to trust each other." he said. "I had known of this situation shortly after it happened, I will admit. I told Fury I wouldn't push you to work with me. You had the upper hand, whether you'd like to admit it or not. He let it slide. Until now. You never were one to ignore phone calls, Dear child. Even with your predilection for being a recluse. When you were unresponsive for even that hour, Fury thought you had been in trouble. When you made even a mention of a dream keeping you from answering, he notified me. I'm quite certain he did the right thing."

"You're certain, I'm not. None of this makes any sense. I'm dreaming of the second world war. Dates with solders, and Howard Stark. That's hardly relevant right now." Rowan argued. "I think Fury sometimes jumps the gun a little bit early."

"With good reason, generally. Director Fury is not a fool, Miss Flynn. You are of great value to him, and he knows your history with anxiety and alcohol. This team needs you. You may not be a god or a millionaire, but you have a solid place here. A healer of your caliber is quite rare." Stephen said, pursing his lips.

"You mean of my bloodline." she retorted sarcastically.

"The blood that runs in your veins is indeed the blood of two very powerful people." he replied, lowering his head in a nod. "It is not always that the talents of the parents manifest themselves. These things are generally more apt to be learned. You, however, were quite a different case."

"You can't even say it, can you? You can't admit it." she accused, staring at him with anger tinting her honey eyes.

"I can, and I will. But this is not what you came here to discuss. I feel that your dreams may not only link you to your previous incarnation, but it may shed some light on images I have gotten through meditation as well. You are a piece to the puzzle. I have not revealed to Fury that I have misgivings about this time. The stars speak of a dark time, a time where the shadows will come to the forefront. I have seen images only, but my instinct tells me that they are important. And I believe that our visions are connected."

"How can you possibly know that?" Rowan asked, becoming frustrated with the conversation. She had come here for answers only to get tangled up in the mad ravings of a sorcerer.

"Because you are blood of my blood, child. Blood of my blood and of a spirit-speaker. You do not have to accept me as family. I do not expect you to. But you can help me just as much as I can help you. I need you to document any further dreams you have of this nature. And I need you to speak to Steve Rogers. As soon as you can." he said, his words clipped with an aggravation that told Rowan to keep her mouth shut and listen to his suggestions.

"What if there are no more dreams?" she asked, becoming just as prickly as the good doctor.

"You still need to find Steve. Ask about that night."

"What if he doesn't remember?" Rowan pushed, partially to be petulant, partially because she had a bad habit of second guessing and mentally preparing for any possible outcome. Many had called her a pessimist, but she insisted that she was a realist.

"Then you're back where you started." Strange said, shooting her a look that suggested she should have assumed as much.

"What visions are you having? What did _you _see. If I'm supposed to help you decipher this shit, maybe we should compare notes." she said finally after a couple of seconds of a glare war. Neither won, though Rowan was the first to speak. It didn't mean she was stepping down, but if she had any hopes of sorting out any of the dream mess she was in, she'd need to work with him.

"War. I saw war. And fire and death. Nothing comforting." he said.

"My dreams involved soldiers. There was no fire or death, but judging by the time, it was right before a squadron was shipped out. This was the first dream of this nature, so if there is anything beyond that, I don't know. This James was one of them." she said, the wheels turning in her head. 'I was susceptible to premonitions, once upon a time. I don't think this was one of them, but perhaps you were shown the future?" she mused, her lips pursed in a concentrated line as she watched the man in the room.

"I am shown many things in my meditations. It is the way of the Sorcerer Supreme. I have seen futures that never came to fruition as well as things in process. I have seen the births of babes all throughout history. This is not something I read into until you mentioned your dreams. Some things connect, some do not. There were images within these visions, a golden skull with many tentacles. I know that symbol to belong to HYDRA, though I know they were defeated..."

"...at the end of the War. HYDRA was behind the capture of the 107th squadron, The reason Steve was Capsicle for all those years. If you're seeing HYDRA, and I'm seeing Steve, there are some connections beyond just war." Rowan finished the sentence for the older man, her eyes widening slightly, though the discovery leaving her in a far more confused state than she had been before the connection.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. We'll need to wait for more visions. And speak to Steve. Fury should be able to direct you to him. Call him and I'll open a portal between planes to get you there." he said, shaking his head, though his eyes were distant, clearly locked up in that brilliant mind of his. His fingers stroked the salt and pepper beard on his face as Rowan watched him for a moment.

Bending over to grab her phone out of her bag, she dialed the one number she had memorized out of all of them. The one number she was not allowed to keep in her contacts list in case of interception. No one was to know Fury's location unless he authorized it. She waited, hearing the three rings and then four. It wasn't like him to waste time, especially not after he had scolded her for not answering only hours earlier. "Oh now whose not answering." she muttered, clicking her tongue in disdain. "He's not answering." she repeated, glancing to Strange.

"Did you call the correct number?" Stephen asked, moving to stand close enough to her to hear the ringing from the phone speaker.

"His private line." Rowan replied, hearing the eighth ring before almost giving up. She heard a scuffle on the other end, her ears perking up to the sound.

"Who is this?" a voice demanded, sounding not only a little bit scared, but also quite furious.

"Ah, Agent Rowan Flynn." Rowan replied, figuring it would be easier to just be up front. She needed to talk to Fury, and it wasn't going the way she had intended.

"Rowan? When was the last time you talked to Fury?" the voice asked.

"This afternoon. Like... a couple of hours ago. Why? Who is this?"

"Steve. Rowan, Fury is dead. I don't know where you are, but you need to stay there. And don't call this phone again. I'm destroying it. He told me to trust no one. I'd advise you do the same." he said, his voice urgent. "I have to go. I've got to go to a hearing."

"Why do you have Fury's phone?" Rowan pushed, reeling from what she had heard. Dead? Nick Fury was dead? That wasn't possible. He was the most resilient man she knew. He was a survivalist. He was a pain in the ass and his secrets had secrets, but he was a good man. "Steve, where are you?"

"It doesn't matter. Stay where you are." he commanded.

"No, that's bullshit. Where the fuck are you? Fury can't be dead. I can do something. I'm a healer." she almost whined. She heard Strange inhale sharply as he heard her words. He began moving about his study, frantically searching for something. Whatever it was, Rowan didn't care. "Steve I can help. Tell me where you are."

"You can't do anything, Ro. You heal, you can't resurrect. That's... it's just not possible." he said, sounding sad.

"Tell that to Phil Coulson. Where are you." she said, one final time.

"D.C. I'm in D.C." he said, finally with a sigh. "Meet me at the S.H.I.E.L.D medical facility twenty minutes away from the Triskelion. I'll be there as soon as I can. Find Maria and then stay put. You owe me an explanation about Coulson."

"Listen to you, making commands." Rowan chided, trying to lighten the mood despite the horrible sinking feeling.

"Fury's gone. Someone needs to pick up the pieces. I'll see you in a bit." he said.

"Aye aye, Captain." Rowan said, hanging up with no farewell, reminding herself of Fury's bad habit. Fury. The thought of the old Director caused such a deep pain in her heart, it reminded her of the deep seated, heart shattering pain she had felt when she took the shot with Tony. The visions flashed before her eyes, but made no sense. Fury would never shoot himself. She pushed the mere thought away. It wasn't possible. She would find out what happened though, if it was the last thing she did. Her own mother hadn't wanted her, the product of an adulterous one night stand. Her father had taken the back seat in her life, and was still treading carefully in those waters. Fury had taken a chance on her, had given her a life full of adventure and importance. And now he was gone. She turned to Doctor Strange who had returned from whatever book shelf he had been hunting.

"What do you need?" he asked, the sorcererous power crackling around him in angry red spikes.

"I need to get to D.C. The hospital. Steve's meeting me there. I don't know what's going on, but I don't think we're going to have time for another meeting for a while. Whatever dark days you felt were happening... I think they've just started." Rowan said, glancing down at her phone. The call had not gone how she wanted. With a small shake of her head, she bent to pick up her bag and then stood from the chair, straightening her clothes, and then her spine. She met the doctors eyes with a determined expression.

"What do you plan to do?" he asked, pursing his lips. "If Fury is dead, there's nothing for you there. You cannot raise the dead." he said.

"No, I can't. But I can talk to spirits. This Ruby has a story to tell, and she's been forcing it upon me. I'm being haunted by spirits I have never met, surely if Fury is dead, I can find him in my meditations. He was the only person who ever stepped forward to care for me, albeit with a strong hand. If I can't bring him back, I'm going to find out who did it and I'm going to make them suffer." she threatened, her voice dropping an octave. She could feel a rage in her chest that was unrivaled as she gazed boldly on the man who had actually fathered her. She didn't care if there was hurt feelings. It had been nothing but the truth.

"You are getting these visions because you are the reincarnation of this Ruby. There's no way that you will be able to seek out Fury's soul and get information from it. Don't go on a fool's mission. If you're going, go to heal. Go to help Steve find the culprit, but do _not_ toy with arcane things that you do not understand." he said, his eyes boring into her as he set about cutting a rift in the planes of existence. He meant it.

"You don't know that for a fact." Rowan argued.

"I do. If Fury is gone, he is beyond even where I can reach. Do not tie yourself up in this if you do not have to. Do not let your emotions get in the way." he said, watching her face.

"All I am is emotions. Ruby's emotions. My own." she replied, lifting her head in defiance. "My emotions are what put me on my path of healing. Don't tell me what to do. Is the portal ready?" she demanded, her eyes flashing angrily.

"It is. I am returning to the Avenger's Tower when I deposit you where you need to go. Should you require me for anything, that is where I will reside. I see I cannot change your mind on this, so I will let you go. Try to stay alive." he said, the energy pulsing from the rift causing a wind to kick up around the study. "Go. Before my books get disheveled."

"Of course. I wouldn't want to ruin your precious books. Keep Tony out of this until I know what's going on. I'll call you and let you know. I don't need anyone else jumping the gun." Rowan said, moving toward the blinding magic.

"Oh, you mean like what you're doing?" he said, a smirk touching his lips.

"Piss off." she retorted with the ghost of a grin touching her lips before stepping into the portal he had created.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Author's Note  
_**_Thank you so much for keeping up with this so far.!  
I don't own anyone aside from Rowan.  
We're getting closer to the entrance of TWS, so keep holding on :D  
Minor spoilers are in this chapter, so if you haven't seen the film yet, I'd say to probably not read it.  
Don't shoot the messenger~  
_-Hallow

* * *

The portal dropped Rowan right in the middle of the waiting room, much to the extreme surprise of everyone in the room. It wasn't unusual to see Doctor Strange appear out of nowhere when there were difficult consultations to make, but seeing a young, wild looking girl of twenty five was a little odd, even at this facility. Rowan didn't have time to gather her bearings, she needed to find Agent Hill, and her only. Steve had said not to trust anyone, and she was going to take that advice. It had been Fury's last words, and she would take them to heart. She wondered exactly what it meant. She strode to the front desk, ignoring all of the uncomfortably strange leers she was receiving from the people in the room. A few nurses were eyeing her suspiciously. With a loud snap, she brought her hand down on the desk, gathering the attention of the remaining few people who were trying to avoid her gaze.  
"I need to talk to Agent Maria Hill. Important information, can't be delayed. Where is she?" she asked, her voice as even as she could get it to sound, despite the frantic thoughts running through her head.

"Ah, um. Through those doors at the end of the hall to the left. Tell them Cindy gave you clearance." the woman behind the desk replied. Rowan was thankful that the woman hadn't asked any further questions. She probably wouldn't have been able to handle herself professionally had that happened.

As she let her legs carry her past the desk and into the hall, she had to keep a steady pace. '_Don't run. You look insane enough, walk. Maria's not going anywhere. Slowly.'_ she mentally instructed herself. The voice in her head didn't sound like her own, rather a more calm and collected version of herself. A sign that the aftershock of Fury's death had yet to hit her fully. She had no doubt that she would be no better off than Tony had this morning, if not worse. Between her dreams, speaking with Stephen, two trips through otherworldly portals, and Fury's death, she was well on her way to a full blown meltdown of epic proportions. She needed to hold it together, at least long enough to meet with Steve. '_Don't lose your shit, girly. Not yet.'_ the collected part of her instructed coolly. She could feel an uncomfortable prickling heat spreading through her body as her mouth got dry. Part of her wanted to stop at the vending machine and grab something to drink, but there was no time. There was also already someone at the machine, and Rowan had no patience to wait. She eyed the other individual wearily, her mind to mixed up to pay attention.

"Flynn?" the voice of a woman broke Rowan out of her mental journey as she turned around to face the speaker. It took her a moment to recognize the woman who was dressed in plain clothes, her red hair kept straight to her shoulders. "Rowan, what are you doing here?"

"Nat?" Rowan asked, trying to make sure she wasn't just hallucinating a friend in her time of mental trauma. she wouldn't put it past herself.

"Yeah, sweetie, what are you doing here?" the other woman asked as she slipped something into her pocket.

"That's going to melt." Rowan said, gesturing to the item Natasha had tried to sneakily slip into her tight jeans.

Natasha Romanov let her eyes dart about for a split second before she stepped forward, taking Rowan by her arm and pulling her into the nearest empty room, closing the door behind her. She was positioned close enough to the window that she could see all who passed, but they couldn't see her. Rowan almost wished she had been trained in infiltration for a split second before Natasha spoke. "It's not a candy bar. It's a USB. Steve had it, but he didn't want anyone else to find it, and I want to know why. I don't know where he got it, but I'm going to find out." she said, speaking quickly.

"Steve's not the type to keep secrets." Rowan said suspiciously. Out of all the people Rowan knew, Steve Rogers was the last person to be a snake. He just didn't have it in him.

"No, but Fury is." she replied, her green eyes scanning the hallway for people.

"You're saying he got it from Fury?" Rowan asked. "Fury's..."

"I know. I don't know where he got it. What are you doing here?" she repeated.

"I made Steve tell me where he was. I don't know what's going on, but I want in on it." Rowan insisted.

"No you don't. There's someone taking out S.H.I.E.L.D Agents, and he's dangerous. I think he's the one that got Fury. No one else would have been able to take him down." Natasha said, shaking her head.

"Who's making the orders?" Rowan whispered, watching Nat's eyes. She knew the woman was a skilled liar, but the green-eyed beauty knew very well that Rowan could see through most dishonest statements.

"I don't know. That's the problem. The last time I came across this assassin was in soviet Russia. HYDRA was pulling the strings." Natasha said. She looked as if she was about to say more, but the look on Rowan's face must have stopped her.

"HYDRA? The same organization that was defeated in 1945? That's... interesting that you would say that. Who is he?" Rowan asked, her conversations with Stephen running through her head.

"They call him the Winter Soldier." the agent said, offhandedly.

"What is his name, Natasha? This is important."

"What do you know?" the red head asked, furrowing her brow, a sneaking suspicion that Rowan knew something creeping to the forefront of her thoughts.

"I don't know anything. It's all guesses and visions, but things are starting to make sense. What was this Soldier's name?"

"They never said. They just called him by his code name. He was... brain washed. They kept him in cryostasis when he wasn't on a mission. When I found that out, it ended our brief relationship." the woman said, pursing her lips. Rowan's eyes dropped to Natasha's throat where a single tiny golden arrow glinted at her neck. Natasha seemed to notice her gaze and shot Rowan a look. "It was a long time ago. I have a long history. Long and dark." she said.

"Don't we all. With no name, I'm right back where I started. I met with Stephen Strange today, regarding a dream I had. He thinks it's reincarnation or something crazy like that. Whatever it his, our visions lined up. He had a bad feeling, I had dreams of 1943 New York City. Howard Stark was in it. And Steve. That's why I'm here. I need to talk to him. Doc had visions of war and the HYDRA symbol. It's strange that you'd bring them up." Rowan revealed, ticking the things she was saying off on her fingers. "I think this is connected, and I don't know how. Gods, why do I feel like I'm in a tank of immortals hellbent on keeping their eons old secrets?" she said, stress causing her to run her fingers through her hair, removing several chunks from her hair tie, causing her appearance to become quite a bit more disheveled.

"Because you kind of are. Everyone is accustomed to becoming anything you need them to be. Me included. You want to talk to Steve?" Natasha said, her eyes watching something outside the window.

"Need to. I need to make connections. Somewhere, something has to make everything tie together. I don't think i'm having these dreams as a coincidence." Rowan said, watching Natasha's face. She had known Nat was prone to lying, and it hadn't bothered her before. But now, everything was making her uneasy. Whether it was due to the mystery perpetrator of Fury's death or lingering visions of the mysterious Ruby's life, it was unclear.

"You're not going to have much time. Come on." she said, slipping past Rowan and out the door. Rowan followed, but caught sight of a man pulling Natasha into yet another room.

With a groan, Rowan moved to the door the two had disappeared behind. She stood for a moment before starting to pace uneasily, her heart beating fast. Natasha was the only tie she had to any of this, and Natasha could take her to Steve. But now she was locked in a room with some crazy man. Raising her hand, she rapped on the door, knowing that she would probably not get an answer. "I know someone is in there. I'd suggest you come out before I notify authorities." she said, speaking a lie to the steel door shut firmly in her face. She certainly wouldn't be notifying anyone. Not now. Things were too backwards to get anyone else involved. The door opened, Steve Rogers himself staring at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Really? I thought I told you to find Agent Hill." he said, staring her down. A ball cap covered his blonde hair, but his eyes bore into her, searching her face.

"You did. I fount Nat first. I need to talk to you." Rowan said, wringing her hands. "This is really important."

"It can get in line." he said gruffly.

"No, it can't. Between Strange and I, there's been visions. I had a dream, Steve, and you were in it." Rowan spoke quickly knowing Steve wasn't going to stand there much longer. Natasha came out from behind him, looking like she was on a mission.

"Great. I'm flattered. I have to go. Fury gave me something and I need to find out what's on it." he said.

"No. It's..." a sharp huff escaped her lips as she ran her fingers through her bangs. "Jesus. Can you stand and listen for like two seconds? Did you ever know a girl named Ruby? You would have met her at the World Exposition of Tomorrow in nineteen fourty-three. She was a girl of about eighteen, pretty, but quiet..."

"She went on a double date with Bucky and I, yeah. I knew her. Not well, I mean. It was only one night, and I cut out early. Why?"

"So you wouldn't know what happened to her after that?" Rowan asked, bracing herself for the answer.

"No. Not really. Plus, even if I had, it wouldn't have mattered. I was on ice for 70 years. It's not like I can reconnect with old friends. Most of them are dead. Including..." Steve said, but Rowan could tell he was lying about not knowing what happened to the girl. The rest of his statement was entirely true, but the one thing she needed to know the most was being hidden from her by the only one that could shed light on the situation. Why did everyone feel the need to keep secrets from her?

"Why do I get the feeling that you're lying to me?" Rowan said, disregarding his offhanded comment about dead friends. Part of her knew the answer. The visions from Tony's flat were swimming forward again. The whiskey and the gun. The newspaper. "I know you're in a rush, but this is important. To me. Maybe to the situation."

"She died. She... she killed herself shortly after Bucky died. They were writing letters to each other. He talked about her a lot, especially after he was captured. He loved her. She was going to be his salvation. After everything that he went through, he just wanted to go home to be with her. When he died, I was going to find her, to tell her, but I woke up 70 years too late." Steve said.

Rowan winced, feeling a panic sinking deeper into her gut. "Bucky's dead?" she asked quietly. It bothered her. A hell of a lot more than it should. Someone she didn't even know, had never met, had died, and it was almost hurting her more than Fury's death had.

"Yeah, why?" Steve watched her with a guarded expression. His face was marked with confusion, the urgency seeming to leave his body as Rowan spoke.

"He was in my dream too. I met with Doctor Strange. Finally, I know. He said he thinks it's reincarnation. Sounds insane, but hear me out. I think that I was Ruby. I know Bucky. Or I knew him then. The familiarity in my heart when I woke up, and the crushing pain was too real. I'm a mystic. I'm connected to things like this. But it wasn't his memories I saw. It was my own. Stephen saw clues of HYDRA in his own meditations, and war. Our visions coincide. I don't think HYDRA is defeated." Rowan said, staring directly at Steve, meeting his gaze. "I know it's painful, Steve. I know talking about him hurts like hell. I don't know why Ruby took her own life, but I have a pretty good guess. Any life without Bucky in it wasn't a life worth living, so she remedied that. Doc says souls reincarnate because they have a lesson to learn. I don't know what my lesson is, but I know that I need to help you with this." she said.

"You know I don't get the visions thing, but I'm running low on people I can trust. If I let you help me, you have to play by my rules. I know you don't like it, but I'm not going to put you in any unnecessary danger. Natasha told me who the man that killed Fury was. The Winter Soldier. If he's killing agents, the safest place for you is far away from here." he said, staring her down again.

"I'm not leaving. Plus, even if I wanted to, that would require ripping a hole in the planes, and that isn't my area of expertise. I'm staying, and I'm helping. I'll play by your rules, as long as those rules don't involve me staying out of it. Because in that case, I'll go vigilante and fuck all sorts of shit up." she said, a mild threat in her voice while a sharks grin accompanied the end of her sentence. The smile didn't reach her eyes.

"I don't doubt that. You're not trained in the field, but if you're insisting on helping me, I need you to go to the Triskelion. You're the only one that can do it. If you play it the way I tell you to, it will keep you out of the Winter Soldier's scope. Alexander Pierce tried to kill me when I wouldn't tell him exactly what Fury told me. I need you in there keeping an eye on him. Lie to him if you have to, just get in his good graces. If he's up to something, I need to know. " he said.

"Pierce? The head of S.H.I.E.L.D? How do you expect me to get up there? I don't have that clearance." Rowan argued.

"You want in on this? Figure it out. You're now a part of a very, _very _small group of people I can trust. If you can't get it done, go. Go to a safehouse. Call Doctor Strange and ask for his help, but stay out of it." Steve said, his urgency coming back.

"I can do it." Rowan replied, her eyes flashing in anger at the doubt Steve had in her ability. "I recognize that it's dangerous, but I'll do it. If you need information, I'll get it. Hopefully. If he tried to kill you, what's stopping him from doing the same to me?" she asked, running her fingers through her hair again, clenching her teeth a little. She was beginning to need a cigarette to calm her nerves, but she could hardly light up in the hospital.

"Nothing. Nothing's stopping him. But we don't know what he's after, and that's what I need you to find out. He sent his men when I refused to divulge anything about Fury. I'm the enemy. Give him information about me if it will help you get in his good graces." Steve said.

"What can I give him? I'm not selling you out. Not intentionally. That makes me just as much of a traitor as you're suggesting Pierce is." Rowan argued, shaking her head. Just the thought of going turncloak was making her anxiety spike again.

"You're not a traitor. You're just investigating someone's suspicious activity. Give him my intended location." he said, pulling the flash drive Natasha had stolen out of his pocket. "Don't tell him I had this. Just..." he said, pursing his lips and running his hand over his mouth.

"Tell him he met up with the Black Widow and they're on a mission to find the guy that killed Fury. We know who it is, but Pierce doesn't need to know that." Natasha said, picking up Steve's sentence. She was the infiltrator. If there was any person Rowan needed to be taking tips from, it was Natasha.

"Okay. Where _are_ you going, exactly?" Rowan asked.

"Anywhere we can access a computer to pull this data off the flash drive. Fury was adamant that I have it. I need to know what I'm up against." Steve said, glancing at Natasha.

"What we're up against, you mean." Rowan corrected. "I'm in. I know you don't want me to, but I'm in. I guess this is where we part ways. If I don't see you for a while, good luck. Stay alive. You know how to contact me." she said, straightening her back, taking courage in the S.H.I.E.L.D badge in her pocket. She had been recruited for her healing ability, but that didn't mean she couldn't be useful elsewhere. She was damned if she didn't make Fury proud. Her dreams were pushed aside for the moment, her desire to prove herself as part of the team taking the wheel of her psyche.

"You too. If you need somewhere to go, find Sam Wilson." Steve said, writing down a quick address for her to slip into her pocket. "We'll meet up there as soon as we can. As soon as we find out what's on this." he added, giving her a nod.

"Aye aye, Cap." the dark haired girl replied with a small grin. "I'll catch you guys later." she said, before turning on her heel and making her way back down the hallway, exiting the way she came. She knew the two superheros didn't follow. They had left out the back, preferring to be clandestine in their exit. For a moment, Rowan paused, realizing that she hadn't met up with Maria Hill as Steve had instructed her. It couldn't be helped. The quicker she got to Pierce, the quicker she could work on making him believe she was anti-Steve Rogers. At the desk, she offered the woman an apologetic smile as she requested a taxi be called for her. She could hardly walk to the S.H.I.E.L.D base. Not if she wanted to preserve any energy, just in case. The woman quickly complied, saying the cab would arrive shortly. With a small thanks, Rowan made her way outside to stand in wait for the ride that would surely be driving her straight into hell. If Pierce tried to have Steve killed, something was definitely up.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's note~  
_**_Here we are with another chapter. I'm seriously so thankful for all of the faves and watches!  
You guys are the best. I sincerely hope you're enjoying what I've got going here :)  
I don't own anyone aside from Rowan.  
Hold on to your asses~  
Hallow  
_

* * *

Traffic caused the car ride to take considerably longer than Rowan was okay with. She felt like she was on a time constraint and the more time she wasted sitting in the back of a taxi, the less time she had to figure out exactly what Pierce was doing. After a good hour and a half of D.C. traffic, Rowan was finally able to make it to the Triskelion. As she slid out of the backseat, the building loomed indimidatingly above her. She had never actually been to the headquarters herself, having been based in New York her entire life. And based on her dreams, her entire past life too. She knew that the organization had a home base, and that as an Agent, it was always a good thing to see at least once, but she had never found reason. Until now. Eyeing the hundreds of glass windows carefully, wondering exactly who was up there, who had gone after Steve. From her spot on the ground, she could see several broken windows far up near the top of the building, and some nearer to the bottom as well. Her intuition told her it had been Steve's mark. His escape. Deductive reasoning indicated that this building was too high class to leave windows broken for long. Her nerves were jacked up, and she wanted to go home and curl up in her bed with a nice mug of anti-anxiety tea and a book, but that wasn't a possibility. Taking a moment to light herself a cigarette, she inhaled, running through her next actions. She'd have to get up to Pierce. A guy like him wasn't going to be easy to access. Not even to Agents of his own organization. It was going to require a lie the size of Texas to get him in her radar. She'd have to think on her toes and hope things went together.

When the last ash fell from her fingers, she dropped the butt and stepped on it out of habit. Moving toward the door, she caught sight of herself in the reflection of the crystal clear glass. She looked frazzled and extremely nervous. She'd need to make a B-line for the bathroom as soon as she stepped inside. Perhaps she could brush off her panicked state as part of her hatred for public transportation. Surely they would buy it. Hopefully. Straightening her spine and rolling her shoulders back, she put on a confident stride. Looking like she belonged there was important, so she put a sway in her step as she pulled out her badge, making sure it was plainly visible. She wasn't prepared to deal with any bitchy desk clerks. Not today. Especially not at headquarters. What she could get away with at Avengers Tower, she surely wouldn't be getting away with here. These were different people, far more professional. Rowan had to be professional too. '_Fit in. Fit in. Confidence is key.'_ she mentally chanted to herself as she strode through the lobby.

If anyone thought she seemed out of place, no one made move or mention. She took that as a good sign and strode through the main area into the ladies restroom to take stock of the damages. Her hair was a hopeless mess, the braid all but ruined. With a shake of her head, she pulled the hair tie from her hair and shook the messy waves out, letting them cascade down her back. A glance in the mirror told her that should she need to, her girlish charms would work wonders on any unlucky Agent. If she were going to play that route, her makeup was in dire need of a touch up. Taking a moment to scrub the eyeliner off her eyes and let the cold water splash her face, she tossed her bag down and dug through it, finding her two favorite cosmetics. Within minutes, her face was re-made, the eyeliner in place. Her face almost resembled that of a 1940's war pin-up, the ruby lipstick stark against her pale skin. She smirked a little, tilting her head. For being so panicked, she looked damn good. If she was going to her death, she might as well meet the devil looking like a million bucks. As she tossed her eyeliner and lipstick back into her bag, she dug around, searching for any essential oil that would give her the confidence boost she needed. Finding the calming lavender, she dabbed a bit on each wrist to help her keep her cool. Upon one more glance in the mirror, Rowan decided she was satisfied and ready to face the orders Steve had given her. Failing wasn't an option. Not if Pierce was somehow behind any of this.

Striding out of the bathroom with her bag strapped across her chest, a figure at the desk made her stop dead in her tracks. Taking a deep breath, she made the choice to take a dive ."Mr. Pierce! Just the guy I flew in to see." She said, showing off her white teeth in a genuine grin. The man looked up, watching her through bespectacled eyes, confusion flashing on his features. And then a look that said he was about to brush her off. "I don't want to yell it across the lobby, but I think I may have some news that would interest you." she added, picking up her pace to meet him.

"Ah, Agent Flynn. I was wondering when I would get the pleasure of meeting you in person. Fury told me a great deal about you." the man said, his eyes flickering from her badge to her face. Rowan hadn't been sure what he was expecting, but he seemed content with what was in front of him. "I'm afraid I can't stay and chat. I've got business to attend to." he said, offering an apologetic smile.

"If Fury spoke of me, then you know I was on his team of Agents. I'm afraid I have some bad news, sir. Cap's gone rogue." she said, placing a solid frown on her face. "I saw him leaving the hospital with Agent Natasha Romanov when I went to pay my last respects to Director Fury. I heard them say something about needing internet access, but by the time I thought I'd catch up with them, they were gone." she revealed, not caring if the woman at the desk overheard. Her brash words would help prove her point of being here.

"I suspected the Black Widow was involved." he said, a grim frown on his face as he shook his head in disgust. Something behind his eyes told Rowan that he had already known very well that Nat was involved. He was putting on a play. Just as much as she was. So it was a two player game then? Rowan would have to try deciphering the lies from the truth. Or just tell Steve everything as soon as she got the chance. "Do they know you're here?"

"No sir. I was eavesdropping on them. I know I probably shouldn't have, but I'm kind of a mess over Fury's death. To be honest, I'm a little suspicious as to why Steve was there when Fury died. And Romanov is one of Fury's most trusted advisers. My head is a mess, sir, and I'm having a hard time trusting anyone." she said, hoping she sounded sincere. "I came here hoping my news would help you find out what's actually going on."

"I see. I thank you for coming forward." he said. With a small tilt of his head, he watched her face. "Fury said you're a healer, and I've seen your work. Very impressive."

"Thank you, sir. I just do what I can to help." she said, lowering her head thanks. She was wondering where this was going, exactly.

"No thanks necessary. Can I trust that you're on the right side?" he asked, sounding very much like someone bribing a child. Rowan didn't like the condescending nature he was handling her with, but she had to suck it up.

"Of course, Sir." she replied, ushering back the need to demand a little bit more respect. He was the head of S.H.I.E.L.D, and he had tried to kill Steve. Rowan needed to play the part of docile.

"I have a bit of a project, your talents could come in very handy." he said, sweeping one arm out only slightly, pointing toward the other end of the hall, away from the door. "I have a file that I'd like you to take a look at." he added, making a step toward the direction he had pointed in. "If you'll follow me."

Rowan obeyed, falling into step beside the tall older male. Part of her was screaming to turn around and leave. The other part of her was curious as to what he was about to show her. So very curious. Pierce stepped into the elevator, pressing a button as Rowan sucked in a breath and stepped in after him. Not only was she in an elevator, which she hated, she was in an elevator with a man who, hours before, had tried to kill Captain America. Who Steve was insistent was up to something. The situation was becoming more and more like a living nightmare. She watched as the man eyed her, a small grin on his lips.

"What exactly do you need of me, sir? I mean.. I'm not exactly authorized to do much other than heal." her attempt to break the awkward silence slipped out of her mouth. Asking questions was the only thing she could do to fill the void, whether she would get answers or not.

"Fury's gone, dear. If you can give me anything helpful regarding a file I'm going to show you, you'll be working for me. I'd hate to see talent like yours go to waste." he spoke, his voice sounding as if he was offering some sort of comfort. He didn't seem quite sad that Fury was gone. Then again, he didn't sound happy either. Alexander Pierce was one tough egg to crack, but Rowan was determined.

"What kind of file is it?" the words flew out of her mouth. She had meant to wait, but the curiosity was eating away at her.

Pierce just offered a secretive smile and remained silent until the elevator sounded it's indicator that they had reached the floor they needed. It was then that Rowan realized that they had descended, and not moved toward the upper floors of the building. The lower areas were reserved for the helicarriers and other vehicles in S.H.I.E.L.D's repertoire. The idea of being so far underground with a possible threat made her skin crawl. The air in the elevator felt as if it was leaking out every available crack, leaving no oxygen for Rowan to fill her lungs with. It was a sign of a coming attack, she waited patiently for the walls to start warping toward her. Before her mental anguish had a chance to progress, the doors slid open, and Pierce stepped out, glancing back to see if the woman was following him. Wasting no time in getting herself off the horrible moving box, she almost sprinted out of the silvered walls. As soon as her feet touched solid ground, she took a moment to gather her bearings, looking around while taking deep breaths. What she saw was not exactly expected. She was not in the hangar full of the vehicles she expected to see. Instead, a long hallway met her eyes, full of filing cabinets and people moving about. One of them stopped, glancing from Pierce to her, his eyes questioning. Holding up a hand before making a 'shoo' motion, Pierce let the man know exactly where he could take his suspicious glares. It had been made official. Rowan was working with Pierce.

As they moved into a smaller room, an office with a small, nondescript desk, Pierce made his way behind it, unlocking the drawers with a key he kept in his inner coat pocket. Rowan watched all of his movements like a hawk, logging them in her memory, just in case she needed to repeat his actions to get whatever he was hiding in that drawer. All he pulled out had indeed been only a file. A single manila envelope with enough bulk to it to indicate there was a wealth of information inside. Glancing up at the young woman, Pierce set it down and slid it carefully toward her, the paper making a soft '_whoosh_' on the cold steel desk. The scant decor almost reminded her of an interrogation room. Stepping forward, making sure her shoulders were confidently squared, she grasped the edge of the folder and opened it. The image that met her gaze almost knocked the breath right out of her. Staring back up at her from a black and white photograph was none other than the handsome face that had been haunting her every waking moment since the second she had woken up that morning. The name typed out across the top of the page underneath read 'James Buchanan Barnes'. Rowan didn't need to see his name to know exactly who it was. Hoping beyond hope that her expression was neutral, her eyes flickered to Pierce's face, catching him watching her.

"What exactly am I supposed to do with this?" She asked, feeling her heart thudding violently in her chest. James Barnes was dead. Steve had said so himself. Rowan wondered for a moment if this was some sick attempt at luring Steve Rogers here with this file on Bucky just to hurt him.

"You're familiar with Captain America's history, yes?" he spoke, remaining in the spot behind the desk.

"I am." Rowan said, a small nod accepting her words.

"Mr. Barnes is thought to be dead. By everyone, Including Steve Rogers. A group of Russians found him on ice, preserved much in the same way Rogers was. The information is all there, should you care to read it." he spoke evenly, still watching her with those piercing eyes. "He does not recall his prior life, which has made him convenient. Extremely convenient. With the leaps and bounds made in the scientific fields, Mr. Barnes has not aged a day in a very long time. My point here, however, is that he seems to have been...wiped of memories in a fairly unethical way. Electroshock. While you may not be familiar with the treatment, you must know the effects are lethal."

"Considering it was a method of administering the death sentence, Yeah, I'd say it's pretty lethal." She said, trying her hardest not to sound sarcastic to this man. She was in a den of snakes, she knew. It was pertinent to not get bitten.

"Yes well. I'm going to need you to examine our friend here. Assess the damages done to his brain. He had been given the same serum administered to Rogers, which makes him quite a bit more resilient. Still, I have intentions of making use of him. Replacing Rogers, perhaps. Barnes is lethal and he follows orders. Everything a good soldier should be. I just need to make sure that he's not irreparably damaged by the electroshock that has been administered." he spoke. "You can assess the damages, yes?"

"Yes. And heal them, should there be any. Who's administering these treatments?" Rowan asked cautiously. She had a bad feeling she wasn't going to like the answer.

"Oh, my staff. I assure you, he can take a hit. It's merely for memory wiping purposes." he spoke.

"How many times have you wiped his memory?" she asked after flipping through the pages for a moment. "What are you trying to make him forget?"

"Guilt and pain over his kills. It is much easier to live if you don't have to feel the crushing guilt over the things you have done. Sometimes making calls is mentally taxing. We're working to make him the perfect machine."

"But he's a man." Rowan argued.

"Not anymore. His body may be human... enhanced human, admittedly, but his mind is completely mission-oriented. If you would rather not get on board with the project, I would understand. Many people cannot stomach it. As a healer, it must be difficult for you to accept what we do. But know this. Should you chose to help, you will be vastly improving what we are trying to accomplish. Repairing the tissue damage to that we may continue our work is a task of utmost importance. There have been... mistakes made in other men we have worked on. Mistakes that cannot be made again." Pierce said, remaining still.

Rowan watched him for a moment before dropping her eyes. He was peppering his lies with little truths, that much she could tell. Whatever they had done to James was true, though Rowan had a really bad feeling that Pierce was not actually holding the man's best interests at heart. It was in that second that she realized that despite the danger, despite the red flags being furiously waved in her head, she needed to accept this task. She needed to know how far gone James Barnes was, and she needed to know if he could be brought back. Steve would just have to understand her abandoning her orders to get close to Pierce. Bucky was far more important than figuring out what backwards shit Alexander Pierce was up to. This business with electroshock therapy was backwards enough. Mentally ticking a list of thing she needed to to off in her head, she glanced back up at Pierce. "I'll do it. I may need to go gather some things, but first I need to take stock of what I'm working with. Lead the way." she heard herself say. Leave it to her to take an insane risk for a man that she didn't actually know.

"Very good. He should be returning from a mission now, we'll be wiping his memory. You may stand in and watch. Get familiar with out methods. Make your examination, and then I'll send an agent to get the things you require."

"With all due respect, sir, I'd feel more comfortable gathering supplies myself. I'm very particular about...well...about everything and I don't trust anyone else to select the things I'll need." she said, shaking her head, hoping he agreed to let her go. If not, she would need to find another way out of the building.

"Fair enough. But an Agent will accompany you. That much I will not bend on. I can't have my healer out unsupervised and unsafe. Not with Captain America on the lose. I suspect, however, that he may not be a problem for much longer." the older man said, a wicked glint in his eyes. "Now come."

Pursing her lips, Rowan tucked the file on James into her satchel, hoping she could escape the place with it when she left. She would be seeing Bucky. She would stand and watch these scientists erase his memories, no matter how horribly gruesome the situation was. The halls that led to the rooms with the doctors were short and stark white. It made Rowan extremely uncomfortable, all of that white. It was too sterile for her tastes. Too impersonal. Exactly as a situation involving the erasing of memories should be. The feeling thrashing around in her body were almost too much to handle. Reminding herself to stay calm and collected was becoming more and more difficult with every step toward the room. '_Play it off, Ro. Pretend it's because you've never witnessed electroshock. It's not a lie. Just don't ever let on it's because of Bucky.'_ her brain told her, the voice sounding worlds more calm than she felt. There was no way she was going to get through this without raising suspicion. What had she agreed to. The urge to escape was overwhelming by the time they made it to the room the procedure was to take place. As soon as she set foot in the doorway and laid eyes on the man in the chair, her instinct to care kicked in.

He looked so lost. Broken almost, in a way that was beyond heartbreaking. The words "I knew him" left his lips a good few times. He didn't even look at her. Part of her was thankful. If he had even so much as glanced, her heart would have shattered. This wasn't the machine that Pierce was bragging about. This was a lost man out of his comfort zone being forced into a system that would keep him in a perpetual state of emotionless, command-obeying, existence. Rowan felt her breath stop. Completely. It wasn't until Pierce eyed her suspiciously that she remembered to keep breathing.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. I've never. I've just. This is a lot to take." she stammered, unable to put together a coherent sentence, her eyes never leaving Bucky even for a second.

The man in the chair lashed out at a scientist trying to fix his arm. His entirely metal, probably cybernetic arm. "But I knew him" flew out of his lips again as they restrained him. It wasn't until they put a mouth guard in his mouth that his eyes locked onto Rowan's. If she had thought she couldn't breath before, she was wrong. Her lungs had been perfectly functioning up until the exact second Bucky's beautiful, heartbreakingly confused blue eyes met hers. The recognition that flared in his eyes launched her violently against her carefully constructed, fragile wall that was holding off the panic attack of the century. There was no way she would be able to hold the act much longer if he kept his gaze locked with hers. He knew her. If she hadn't believed in soul recognition before that moment, she sure as hell did now. He _knew_ her. Her feet moved forward by their own account, and she found herself beside him, her body nudging a scientist out of the way of it's own accord. If there were complaints, she didn't hear them. Her eyes were only for him, and his eyes had not left her face for a second. Whatever the scientists were doing to him, whatever adjustments they were making on his arm were irrelevant to him now. All he saw was her. Part of Rowan was increasingly uncomfortable. Bucky was seeing Ruby, she knew that. She also knew that she would kill to have a man look at her the way he was looking at her now. Needing her.

"Miss Flynn, We'll need you to move." Pierce's voice shattered her concentration.

"Letting him go through this alone is against everything I am as a healer. I do not have it in me to step away. You asked me to be here. Tell them to work around me. I'll not move." she said, her eyes meeting the cold, dishonest gaze of Alexander Pierce. The look she shot him spoke volumes. She would fight for this. She would fight until they had to drag her beaten and bloody corpse out of the building, or hide it in a cellar. She would _not _leave Bucky's side.

"He is not accustomed to kindness, Agent. It would be foolish to start now." The older man said.

"I'm not accustomed to treating my patients as anything less than the most valued treasure that exists. I will not step away. I'm sorry. I just. I'll help you. I'll do anything you say. Just let me do this. The closer I am to the procedure, the better understanding I will have of what's been done." she said, adding logic to the end of her sentence. It was truth. If she had any hope of understanding the damage, she needed to be up close. No matter how hard it was. She knew she was pushing it with Pierce. At this point, she was so far beyond caring. All she saw was Bucky.

"No. You will help regardless. You will be more useful if you take my advice and step away. I want you in full working order, stressing yourself out over this is a waste of your energy. Step away, Agent, and let them do their job. He'll be easier to work with when they are finished. Come. Step into the hallway and read the file until the time they finish their work. They will collect you, on my command. I have some things to take care of. I'll send an agent down to escort you where you need to go for healing supplies." he commanded. There was no room for argument.

Rowan knew that if she dug her heels in on this, not only would she be witnessing the horrific acts of electroshock on a live human, but she'd be raising the alarm to Pierce as to what her true intention was. Her desire was to play this off for as long as she possibly could. Arguing with the man who had ordered Steve killed was not wise. Hell, being here in general wasn't wise, down in a secret basement area of S.H.I.E.L.D, where Pierce was keeping Bucky caged like an animal. She let her eyes drop down to the man in the chair, the man, who despite the mouth guard he was biting down on, was pleaing to her with his eyes not to leave him. Rowan could almost physically feel the pain as she shot him the deepest, most apologetic look she could before turning on her heel, letting her fingers slide from his shoulder, and moving toward Alexander Pierce. Setting her jaw, knowing the tic was visible from her clamping down on her own teeth, she stared straight ahead. As a gut wrenching yell came from the unfortunate soul in the chair, Rowan could have sworn a piece of her died. To walk away and let them conduct their business was the hardest thing she had done in her entire lifetime. She only hoped Bucky would forgive her.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note~  
**__I'm back again with another chapter.  
I hope that you guys are enjoying the journey.  
I only own Rowan, the rest are Marvel's incredibly wonderful creations.  
I've got a small collection of fan art i'm preparing to link you guys to, but if you absolutely can't wait, You can find me on under the name Hallow-Quinn :)  
Also, if you like the story enough, I welcome any and all fan art as well ;)  
Thanks so very much for the reads, faves, follows and reviews. You are all wonderful.  
_~ **Hallow.**

* * *

Pierce led her back to the room, the sterile, white walled room with the small stainless steel desk. The one that he had pulled Bucky's file from. Without a word, he ushered her in, and then left. Part of her was thankful for that. She had no interest in looking at the man that had brought her into this situation. But wait. She had brought _herself_ into this situation. There was no part of the blame that she could honestly brush off on anyone else. Steve had told her to get close to Pierce. No one had told her to follow him into an elevator and into the pits of a literal personal hell. Collapsing into the rickety office chair, she felt her body give out underneath her. Perching with her elbows on the desk and her face firmly in her hands, she let a sob rack her frame. '_Pull it together, Rowan. This isn't over yet. Breath, pick yourself up, and be strong. For Bucky.' _She heard the voice say. She wasn't even sure whose voice it was anymore. She didn't recognize the strong part of herself this day, but the voice remained, strength or no. It was the one solace she had in a terrible situation. The one thing preventing her from completely losing her shit entirely. There was no telling how long it would be until her mental well being was entirely shattered. As long as she had a sane thought, she could carry on. But she was so used to curling up. Giving up on the day when she had attacks of intense anxiety. A fit like the one looming under the surface would put her out of commission for a week. And that was before. She never let things get this far, and now she had no choice. Clenching her teeth together again, taking little care for the headache blooming in her temples and the ache in her jaw, she pulled her satchel into her lap and began digging in hopes that _something _in this magical supply bag of hers would give her a little bit of strength and solace.

With no hot water anywhere in the vicinity, her luck was nil. The most she could do was dab a little bit more lavender oil to her wrists in the hopes that it would calm her. Her faith in that was low. With the rate her heart was pounding and the knowledge of what was going on in the room a couple paces away, there was no chance a little bit of lavender was going to assist her at all. Moments into her crisis, footsteps rang outside the hall, a scientist stepping into the doorway. Rowan had to quickly mask her intense dislike of the man as she met his gaze. He offered her nothing but a nod. Standing up, she zipped her bag shut and let her legs carry her after the man in the white coat, back into the room where Bucky was. Only she could already tell that he wasn't Bucky anymore. He was their weapon. The Winter Soldier. The recognition in his eyes was gone. There was no more confusion, pain or guilt. The blue eyes were complete ice, almost robotic in the way he watched her. If he was curious about her, she couldn't tell. His face held nothing of normal human emotion. All she saw was desire to follow orders. She clamped her lips together, feeling an intense sadness wash over her. This was by far worse than his recognition.

"I need space. I respected you and your team enough to leave the room. I'm asking the same of you." she commanded, turning to face the scientist that had led her to the room. A dark, professional persona took hold. She wasn't Rowan Flynn anymore. She was the healer, and she needed space to help her patient. "I'll notify you when I'm finished." she said, dismissing the man. The shuffle of feet indicated that they had accepted her request, leaving her alone with the man that her soul so deeply cared for. "What do I call you?" she asked, her eyes landing on the man's face.

He turned his eyes upwards to her, the chair in an upright sitting position. The unsettling gaze on his face was sending a strange chill up her spine. If he heard her speak, he made no indication. He did naught but watch her. She could see the light rise and fall of his chest, the only sign that he wasn't an incredibly well crafted statue.

"Do you know who I am?" she pushed farther, knowing that it was unwise to prod the man. She didn't care. She needed to know that there was even the slightest possibility that she could bring him back. Steve had made him remember somehow. She needed to know if she could do the same.

"The doctor." he responded. His voice held no tone, no infliction.

Rowan had to offer a genuine laugh. "No, I'm not a doctor. I'm just a lowly healer. I need to check you out for any damage to your brain tissue. I do it in a way that most medical personnel can't do." she explained, unsure of how much he understood. Or cared. The worst part was that he was easy to talk to, even if he could snap her neck in a second. "It requires touch. May I?" she asked, reaching a hand out toward him, though pausing before she let her fingers touch his skin.

Bucky's eyes dropped from her face to her outstretched hand, then back up, still not showing an ounce of emotion. Nothing gave any indication of what was or was not appropriate. His eyes remained on her face, before slowly blinking once and then staring straight ahead. Rowan took that as permission, though she wasn't sure what prompted her to make that call. She stepped forward the rest of the way, her fingers making contact with his exposed skin again before adjusting her position only slightly to lay both her hands on him. He didn't look at her, though she could have swore she felt him relax of only a fraction. Her eyes fluttered closed as she let herself fall into the mental ocean of universal energy, her contact with Bucky the only remaining leash to the waking realm. When she was certain her spirit was disconnected enough from her body, she looked through the eyes of her soul form into the form of the man. She could see tiny little spikes of damaged energies, as well as old wounds that were inflicted by the same methods. The time prior to her healing sessions beginning told her that it was the damage from the electroshock treatments. Setting about getting good energy circuiting through him, she opened herself further to his mind in a way that was only possible during her sessions. It was the only time she could see memories.

It shouldn't have surprised her when there were none. If she had doubted his entire history had been erased before, there was no questioning it now. Bucky didn't exist anymore. Truly. Pushing further still, she sought out anything, any thread of humanity that may have escaped the wiping of his entire being. It was as if there was next to nothing. Her soul was seeking something outside of what she had originally allowed it to, but it was easier to let it do it's thing. The soul was a much higher being and generally knew what was best. She felt her body take a deep breath, and she could feel the man's eyes on her. Whether the recognition had returned, she didn't know. She had waded too far into the realm of universal energy to register anything where her body remained. An uncomfortable sensation hit her square in the soul-chest, and a memory took over everything she could see.

_Ruby moved to her front door to collect the daily mail as she had every single day since Bucky left. He had written her, as promised. Every day. It had been a week since she had last received a letter, it it had made her uneasy. Last she knew, Captain America had insisted that the Howling Commandos head into the HYDRA base of operation and take out Red Skull. It was a dangerous mission, but Bucky had a deep, brotherly love for Steve Rogers, and would follow him into hell if the other man asked it of him. Ruby had to accept that. She had, of course, preferred Bucky stay out of it. That he get right on a plane and come home to her so he could fulfill his promise of making an honest woman out of her. But she supported him. She understood that their mission went beyond normal line of duty. This one...it was personal. If it had been her, she would have made the same call. This was the group of people who had captured and hurt Bucky. She knew that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't help Steve get revenge. From the little information Bucky had written to her regarding the horrendous man known as Red Skull, it was best to wipe him from existence as Steve had gathered them to do. He was a monster of a man with wicked ideas. Ruby only wished she could be there for Bucky, but he had insisted she stay put in the states. He wanted someone to come back to. He wanted her safe._

_Again, there was no letter, addressed in neat but still boyish handwriting to her. Her heart fell even further. With a small frown on her red lips, she grabbed the newspaper she had become obsessed with since the start of this all. If not for anything other than the war updates, she spent a monthly fee to get the paper delivered to her doorstep. Retreating into the home, she sat, her feet curled up under her on the cute little white sofa, unrolling the rubber band from the roll of paper. She tapped her toes to a tune that didn't exist as she unfurled the paper, her eyes scanning the front of the page. News of another heroic mission from Captain America, her eyes were scanning for a different name. A name that, when she saw it, she wished she hadn't. James Buchanan Barnes was lost in the attack. A fatal fall from a moving train had taken his life. Ruby had to read the line another five times before it sank in. Bucky was gone. Completely gone._

_"You promised. You...you promised me, you bastard." she heard herself shriek into her empty house. "You promised to come home to me!" She found tears streaming down her face as uncontrollable, horrible sobs racked her entire body. She could feel the mascara caked on her cheeks in ugly black trails, and she didn't care. All she knew was that Bucky was gone and he wasn't coming back. _

_The next hours were a daze of her 'special occasion' whiskey and re-reading the line over and over until it was so deeply ingrained into her entire being, that there were no further thoughts in her head. With each burning mouthful of whiskey and each read through of the terrible news, Ruby lost more and more of her whole self. There was nothing for her. There was nothing in life that she could ever possibly look forward to as much as she looked forward to the return that would never come. She would never find anyone as charming, irresistible, amazing, unforgettable as Bucky. And she would never ever see those beautiful blue eyes again. The certainty that the man was her other half, her soul mate had never once broken. She knew in her heart that he had been made for her, and now his light was snuffed out. She wasn't sure when she had dug out her gun. The gun that Bucky had told her to get 'just in case'. The gun he wanted her to have so that he knew she was safe when he wasn't there. Not that her neighborhood was terrible, but if it helped Bucky rest easy, she had been happy to oblige. She had it hidden, and now it was clutched in her hand, her white-knuckled fingers wrapped around the handle. The newspaper never left her other hand, the pages damp, and ink running from her tears. The words that had broken her resolved didn't even exist on the page anymore, but she could still see them as clear as ever. They were burned into her memory forever. Those words would never leave. Thrusting the paper to the side, she checked the chamber for her one last comfort before taking one last swig of the amber liquid. She could feel the cool steel pressed against her skin. She was gone before the shot sounded through the neighborhood_

Rowan was thrust from the spirit realm so forcefully, so painfully, that it took her several long moments to realized that a metal arm was clamped firmly around her throat, the cool steel pressure almost cutting the air supply off completely. Both of her hands were clawing at the silver appendage with a furious frenzy that only came from a person fighting for their life. But she wasn't .She wasn't fighting of her own life, she was fighting for someone else's. Someone whose life had ended centuries before she was even born. A choking cough left her body, her lungs wanting to burst from the strain. She could feel the metal going slack as she dropped to the floor, both of her hands checking her throat fleetingly. With wide, terrified eyes, she looked for the person who had so violently tore her from her once comfortable mental solace. Bucky was there, his shoulders tense, his chest heaving. The look in his eyes was undecipherable. But there was expression, which told Rowan that whatever just happened, it had an effect on him too. Perhaps not as strongly as it had affected her, but it had pulled him out of his robotic stupor.

Before she had time to address the situation any further, or gather her thoughts, half a dozen men burst through the door. In their hands were rods crackling with electricity as they moved forward to to subdue the dangerous weapon in the room. "Step aside ma'am."

"No. He's fine. He didn't hurt me." Rowan protested. "It was my fault." she added. She had to think on her toes to protect Bucky from more electricity being forced upon him. "My methods require touch. Most are uncomfortable with the procedure. Mr. Pierce warned me that your project is not accustomed to tenderness from another human, he may have become riled up. I'll take the blame. Just let him be." she said, spewing off a defense as quick as she could think of it. They seemed unconvinced as they loomed closer still with the glowing blue tips of their weapons came within inches of her. It wasn't until that point that she realized she was standing between them and Bucky. "Seriously. Step down. If you touch him with those, all of my work will be doubled, and I am _not _in the mood." she said, a small snarl coming from her throat.

"Ma'am, we are instructed to manage the situation should it get out of hand." one of the men said, as the others seemed to look between him.

"Get Pierce down here then. I'll explain to him what happened." Rowan said firmly, an angry glint entering her gaze as her eyes moved from person to person. An unspoken challenge loomed in the air.

"That won't be necessary. Gentlemen. You heard the lady. Stand down, everything is under control." came a voice from the doorway. A tall, slim male stood in the archway, his arms crossed over his chest as he stood with his hip leaning easily on the frame. His green eyes glinted, an amused expression on his sharp features. His blonde hair was carefully touseled, his lips in a smirk that said he was a big deal and he knew it. Rowan had no idea who he was, but she was thankful that at least he had made these other men stand down. "The hippie was just unfamiliar with our pet Soldier's reaction time. That's all." he spoke, his voice acquiring a soothing tone, though his words made Rowan bristle angrily.

She waited until the group of muscle left the room before whirling on the remaining stranger. "Real nice. Real fucking nice. A hippie? Is that what Pierce and his team thinks of me?" she snapped, her eyes flashing angrily.

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. You'll agitate the beast." he said, nodding toward Bucky, who seemed to have calmed down, though he stood, staring coldly at the other male.

"He's not a beast." Rowan spoke, trying to keep her temper in check.

"Sure he is. He's our secret weapon, and he's good at what he does. As for you, now that's something entirely different. Pierce wanted your input, your help. Looks like he got it. What's the verdict, then?" he asked, watching Rowan with his infuriatingly smug expression.

"Are you authorized to receive the information?" Rowan asked flatly, not wanting to speak to this man longer than was necessary.

"Probably more authorized than you are to be down here. I'm one of Pierce's top Agents, sweetie. I'm very authorized." he drawled, his demeanor becoming, if possible, more cocky. It was as if he was preening. "Come. Let us leave the scientists to their work. The Soldier will be ready for your work when you return. Pierce sent me to escort you to the hippie stores." he said, prodding her further.

"Well, Mr. Authorized, if you can't swallow your swelling pride and show me a little bit of fucking respect, you can go ahead and stay here. I'd rather be escorted by a columbian drug lord than spend another fucking second with you and your self-important bullshit talk." she seethed, grabbing her satchel from the side of the door and moving past him without so much as giving him a glance. She'd be back for Bucky. Right now, her hurdle was this jackass.

"Ooh, language, darling. Fury certainly lets his pets go wild, doesn't he?" the man said, his pace matching hers as she strode toward the elevators.

"Pets? And that's better than what you are? Hardly. Unless you get to wear a business suit and sit on your ass in front of a desk all day, you're no better than me. Judging by your standard issue S.H.I.E.L.D uniform, you haven't gotten past a level five security access." Rowan said, keeping her head forward and he tone as even as she could manage.

"That's funny. You're funny." The man said, laughing. "Maybe I just like the uniform. I like the way it fits. It shows off my excellent physique. As for my security access? We're higher than level eight as we speak. How's that for important? Judging by your lack of firearm, you never actually got authorization to do _anything_ from Fury. No matter. You work for Pierce aren't many who know about this little project. Consider yourself lucky." he said.

"Which makes me just as important as you. So how about you shut the fuck up and take me to my stores so I can get to work." Rowan snapped, pushing the button for the elevator with an angry stab of her finger. She chose to ignore the jab about the gun. After her second, and infinitely more horrifying vision in the room she just walked away from, she wouldn't be upset if she never saw a gun again.

"Are you going to tell me what the verdict is?" he asked as he slipped into the elevator.

"No." she replied shortly.

"I need to make a write up for Pierce." he said, making an attempt at being smooth and persuasive.

"I can make the write up." she replied, not budging. She wasn't about to share anything with this guy. "Plus, I'll be able to write it better than you. I am, after all, the only one that can write in '_hippie' _lingo. I hardly think you'll understand any of what I say." she replied, her words dripping with venomous sarcasm.

"Aw come on, sweetie. No hard feelings?" he asked.

"All of the hard feelings. Don't insult my work right off the bat and then expect to be friends." she snipped, thankful the elevator doors slid open, letting her out of the small space with this infuriating man.

"Okay, alright fine. Fair enough. I guess I just don't understand what you do is all." he said, having to actually jog to keep up with her. A slight beep broke his footfalls as he slowed down enough to grab a small device from his pocket. "Yeah? Yes sir. I'm taking her to her stores right now. We should be back within the hour. Yes. Understood."

"Oh good. A time constriction. My favorite." Rowan replied, wishing she could sound more sarcastic than she already did. She knew she needed to ditch this guy or she would be pushed to her breaking point.

"I just figured you'd want to get back and get to work is all. No disrespect meant, sweetie." he said.

"Stop calling me sweetie." Rowan growled.

"You never gave me your name." he countered.

"And you never gave me yours. And to be quite frank, I really don't give two shits what yours is. Names denote respect. You clearly do not respect me, which in turn makes me entirely less inclined to respect you. So if it's all the same to you, I'd rather not exchange niceties. Lets just get this over with. I have shit to do." Rowan said, finally turning to face him, her honeyed eyes flashing with a deep hatred.

"Fair enough." the man said before he took the lead and walked into the parking lot.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's ramblings.  
**__I'm sure you guys are sick of hearing from me before EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER...  
But deal with it ;)  
How else would I thank you for all of your continued support?  
SINCE you guys have been so awesome, I'll be sharing some links to a few sketches I've done in the next chapter or so, and you get to see chapter 7 before I actually intended to upload it. Things are about to get serious here soon, so hold on to your asses  
_;)  
_~Hallow_

* * *

Blondie had been seriously pushing Rowan's patience the entire ride toward the shopping district the held the shops she would need. He had done nothing but make poor attempts at conversation, which Rowan expertly deflected. Thankfully, the ride was short. Sending up a mental thanks for small blessings, Rowan practically shot out of the vehicle to get away from the man. She strode to the door, her hand hovering over the handle when the man stopped short behind her.

"Oh. No. Nope. Stay in your precious hot rod. You're not coming in here. Not with your lack of respect for my craft. You think they're going to sell to me if you're going to be in there making snide comments?" she said, whirling on him to shoot him a serious glare.

"I can't let you wander around unsupervised. Orders. I'll stay quiet." he said with a small glint in his eyes.

"I just want to make it clear that I really don't like you." Rowan said, staring him dead in the eye before opening the door and moving inside, not bothering to hold it open for the man. She knew it was immature, though she was beyond caring. Her long day was only getting longer, and Mr. Authority wasn't making things any better. She would almost give anything to shake him off her trail.

The deep, earthy scent of Dragon's Blood incense hit her senses in a pleasant way, taking some of the edge off. She could feel the positive energy of the shop softly caressing the edges of her consciousness. Taking a deep breath, she took a moment to ground herself. While the energy felt quite incredible, refreshing after the day she had, she needed to block against becoming overwhelmed by too much of it. She could let enough in to heal herself, to help her stomach the rest of the day, but she could take no more than that. Anything else would certainly tick her anxiety into overdrive. She had spent too much fighting it off to be irresponsible now. Her eyes fluttered closed as the smoke of the incense danced around her form, the cool tendrils touching her skin with the lightness of a spirit's touch. The light clicking of beads broke Rowan of her slight meditative state, her honeyed eyes opening halfway to see a woman behind the desk watching her close.

"Welcome. May I help you with anything in particular?" the woman spoke. Rowan eyed her lazily, taking the appearance of her in. Her hair was a blonde so light that it was almost an eerie white, though her face was still quite young. She couldn't have been a day over thirty-five. Her deep blue eyes held a deep, ancient knowledge. The purples and magentas she was garbed in were only a compliment to her pure, clear skin tone, and her friendly smile was enough to lull Rowan into an even deeper comfort, despite the annoying blonde man behind her. Rowan could almost see a peculiar glow dancing only inches off the woman, though whether it was an aura or a trick of the dim lights, she couldn't be too sure.

"I need... quite a bit actually. Oh, is that hot water?" Rowan began, before her eyes landed on a small thermos perched neatly on the edge of the solid glass counter.

"Tea actually. A chamomile blend. Would you like some?" the woman asked.

"If you don't mind." Rowan replied, feeling intensely grateful that there was some sort of small respite from her horrible day. The woman set to pouring a small Styrofoam cup and handing it to Rowan with a small nod. She immediately raised it to her lips and took a small sip, despite the scalding heat. Her mouth would burn, but the pain was worth the calm that washed over her as soon as the liquid touched her tongue.

"And your friend?"

"He's not my friend." Rowan said, shooting the woman a look over the rim of the cup as she inhaled the delicious scent of the calming herbal blend.

"Fair enough. Did you want some tea?" The woman asked the blonde Agent.

"No thanks, ma'am. I don't believe in this froo-froo hippie stuff." he replied.

"I told you to stay outside with your uneducated, arrogant comments, you insufferable ass." Rowan said, rounding on the man and snapping at him with a look that could wither a lesser person.

"It's quite alright. You wouldn't believe the amount if ignorant children I see in here on a daily basis. Not everyone is connected to the higher consciousness. It takes a strong person indeed to deal with what we do on a daily basis. Pity him, child. For he knows nothing of true peace." The white haired woman said, a small knowing look in her sparkling eyes.

"You're probably right. Okay. I don't have a list made up, but I'm working on a project. There's years and years of damages done to this man, electroshock. I want to do a full healing session. Chakras, reiki, medians. The whole nine yards. Unfortunately, I must work in a lab, but I figured I could construct a makeshift circle out of some supplies here." Rowan said, pursing her lips. "I can make a list now, if that would help." she offered.

"Oh, that won't be necessary. I can gather the things you'll need, if you'd like to follow me to view the selection. The aisles are very small, however, so only two of us will fit. Your keeper can stay where he is." the woman said, shooting the man a look that said his comments had not been forgotten.

"As long as you two don't cast some curse or disappear or something, I'll stand out of your way." the Agent replied, the smug expression on his face infuriating Rowan further.

"If I could curse you, I would have done it an hour ago." Rowan replied scathingly.

"Are you always this much of a bitch?" the male asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Only to imbeciles." she replied, turning to follow the mystical woman down one of the aisles, moving until she couldn't see the obnoxious male who had been charged as her babysitter for the day. It was as if Pierce didn't trust her not to run away. And well he shouldn't. The first chance she got, she was making a beeline for Steve's friend's house to tell Steve that Bucky wasn't dead.

"My name is Clea, by the way. I am an associate of your Father's." the woman finally spoke as she stood in front of a ceiling high shelf full of stones and crystals. Her glow was considerably brighter where the lights dimmed toward the back of the store, though despite the lack of decent lighting, Rowan could still see the stones perfectly, Clea's glow bathing them in a strange light.

"My...father? Oh. Right. That makes sense. Why are you running a shop all the way out in D.C.?" Rowan asked, curiosity getting the better of her despite her general urge to cast away anything related to her father.

"Oh, this isn't actually a shop. It's an illusion. Your father mentioned you may be in need of some help, and he knew you weren't likely to accept it from him. He knew you were drawn to little shops of this nature like a moth to a flame. You are certainly his child." she said with a small cryptic smile. "The items are all quite real, pulled from your father's own Sanctorum." she said. "Most of them anyway. The important stuff."

"That makes me want to refuse anything, but I kind of really need this stuff." Rowan said with a grim expression on her pretty face. Nipping the inside of her lower lip, she glanced from Clea to the shelf of stones, her hand extended slightly as she felt the energy of each of the stones. After a moment of hovering over each, she let her fingers fall on an amethyst the size of a golf ball, but rough as if it had just been collected. "This. I definitely need this."

"Among other things. Would you like to elaborate on your project?" Clea asked, her hands clasped easily behind her back.

"I don't know if I can." Rowan said, a frown touching her full lips. "It's... difficult to explain."

"My brother is an alien hell-bent on taking over your realm, I do not exactly exist on this plane, and I am the apprentice of Doctor Strange. I think I can understand more than you'd think." Clea said, her eyes twinkling.

"Okay. Ah... I don't know where to start. The Winter Soldier. He's my project. They're erasing his memories and turning him into a robot. By electroschock. On top of keeping him in cryostasis when they don't have him on a mission. I'm supposed to be healing the tissue damages done by the shock treatment, but I've already done that. Honestly, I don't actually need to be here at all. However, I know him. Or... I did in a past life, and he's a friend of a friend. Captain America's old friend Bucky, who was supposed to be dead. Gods, that sounds crass. I don't mean it like that, I just-"

"I know what you meant, please continue." Clea said, holding up one hand to keep Rowan on task.

"Right. Well when I went to the room, Bucky remembered who he was, or he was starting to. I don't know what triggered it, but I think it was Steve. And then he looked at me. Like he knew me better than anyone, and I've never met him. The recognition in his eyes when he saw me was the most intense thing I have ever experienced." Rowan said, wringing her hands.

"That solidifies your father's theory that you are in fact the incarnate of Ruby. You may be a trigger for this Bucky as well." Clea mused easily.

"They erased his memory again. I wasn't allowed in the room until they were done. I got in the way. I already healed the damages, but I want to help him. I _need_ to save him. I'm not Ruby, and I know that. At least...not anymore. But I have very strong lingering feelings, the ghosts of love for a man that I never met in this lifetime. It's crazy, and I feel like i'm losing my head, but if I don't try to help, I won't be able to live with myself." she finished. "Gods, I feel insane."

"You look a little frazzled." Clea admitted with a kind smile. "You have a wild look in your eyes. No matter. I won't tell you not to try. I'm not here to talk you out of your decision, as much as your father probably would like me to, but I will suggest that you be careful."

"I know. I know what he's capable of. I know that I could fail. I could die." Rowan said.

"I was not referring to your mortal body. Don't invest your emotions in a man because you loved him in a past life. He is not that man any longer, and you are no longer Ruby. You have her memories regarding him, sure. But you are a different person with different experiences. You are a child of the new age, and he's been asleep on and off for the past 70 years. The differences may become far too taxing for you. Especially with the amount of yourself you already have invested. Ruby loved him. Try not to fall in love with him yourself." Clea explained.

"I'm not in love with him. I just...feel for him. No person should be subjected to what they're doing to him. It isn't fair. He deserves a life just as much as Steve has. He deserves to know his friend, and he deserves to be in control of himself." Rowan replied.

"You are too kind for your own good, child. One day, it may bite you in the ass.." Clea spoke, a small shake of her head. "If you can return Bucky to even half the person he was, it will have been an impressive feat."

"My feelings are what drive me. I wouldn't be the person that I am if I didn't let them. I've been stepped on and used. I've been neglected. And it all crushed me like a ton of bricks. Every time. But nothing hurts as much as what I saw in that room. I heal, Clea. That's what I do. If that bites me in the ass, so be it. But I was given this gift and I would be a fool not to use it. I'm no Moral Oral like Rogers, I have flaws. I have a lot of them. But if I can help even one person, then I can forgive myself for being an ass the rest of the time. I'm just choosing a really..._really_ difficult person to help." Rowan said, her words ringing with emotion.

"You have a good, strong heart. Remember that in the days to come. Don't let your anxiety take over. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. More than anyone gives you credit for." the woman said, a strange awe in her tone.

"Easier said than done. I've been fighting off the worst panic attack I've had in years. I think it's the only thing keeping me going. I should have stayed in bed today, but here I am, running errands to stick my nose where it doesn't belong." Rowan replied with a small shake of her head. A small laugh escaped her, a puff of breath. "I am insane."

"Most of us mystics are. One day, when you're ready, I think you would thrive under your father's instruction. Or mine, should you still need to refuse his part in your life." Clea said. "I shan't keep you longer. Your keeper is probably pulling his pretty blonde hair out. The dolt."

"Oh gods. He probably heard all of this." Rowan said, a panicked expression crossing her features as she whirled around, wild eyed to see if the man was looming nearby.

"He didn't. I am a sorceress, dear. He's in a bit of a lull. It will shatter when you leave this aisle." she said with a grin. "Speaking of him, don't trust him. Not that you do, but he's not what he pretends to be."

"I know. He's HYDRA. What I want to know is why he's in the Triskelion. I have half an idea, but I need more time there to put the pieces together." Rowan said with a nod. "Consider it another pet project."

"Be careful." Clea warned, her hand moving upwards slightly as a magic glow emanated from her palm and fingers. A long, thin object floated down from the top shelf, slowly into her hand as the magic fizzled out. "Take this with you. I see you have no way to protect yourself."

Rowan reached to take the item, letting her fingers close around the smooth black leather. Taking it in both of her hands, she unsnapped the top, pulling a long thin pair of shining silver daggers from their sheaths. Twin black leather wrist straps were at the bottom of the leather pouch. With a small grin, Rowan set to strapping the set to her wrists, pulling the sleeves of her jacket down to cover the blades. She moved her wrists around, testing the feel of them before releasing one of them with a small flick of her wrist. It wasn't the quickest method, but it would do. She glanced up at the white haired sorceress, a word of thanks dying on her lips as another, smaller knife was passed to her.

"For your boot. It never hurts to have an extra." the woman said with a wink.

"I cannot thank you enough." Rowan said, the appreciation in her voice evident as she slipped the additional object into the outside of her right boot.

"You can thank me by staying alive. Your father would never forgive me if you got yourself killed after I outfitted you with magical objects and weapons. Those _are _enchanted blades. All three of them. They'll work with you and your energy, but to really attune them, they require blood. Just a drop of your own and they will become a lethal extension of yourself. I trust you know how to use them."

"I'm no swordsman, but daggers are one thing I do know." Rowan said, debating on whether she should tune them before she stepped back toward the exit. Thinking better of it, she took a breath. It would be difficult to hide blood from the idiot in entryway, and she did not want to raise suspicion. She grabbed a couple of supplies off the shelf by way of cover. Things she could use to not only heal Bucky further, but keep her own head on straight. She was feeling considerably better than she had before she walked into Clea's shop. Almost Invigorated. "I'll just grab these and be out of your hair."

"Of course. On the house." Clea said with a wink.

"Thank you, Clea. Seriously. I suppose you can let Doc know I thank him too. Just request that he continues to stay away from D.C. I don't know how safe anyone is with Fury gone. I'd hate to see anything happen to the Sorcerer Supreme." Rowan said, her business voice coming to the forefront.

"You got it." Clea replied with a nod before opening a portal for herself and vanishing. Rowan shook her head only slightly before dropping her new selection of items into her bag and slinging it back over her shoulder, getting herself used to the additional weight of it. It was time to return to the Triskelion and work on the Winter Soldier.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Author's Note~  
_**_Hey everyone, Hallow here with another chapter of DTYBoF  
__Getting really really close to Bucky's permanent spot in the fic, so as always,  
__Hold on to your asses~  
I don't own anyone aside from Rowan 3  
_-_Hallow_

_**PS:  
**__This gets really graphic with violence, in a lot of chapters from here on out, so if you have any delicate sensibilities, I've given you fair warning.  
Now it's time for some gratuitous violence 3_

* * *

Rowan ignored the yammering fool the entire ride back. She was still reeling from the conversation with Clea. She wondered idly if Strange and Clea had more than a master/apprentice relationship, but she didn't let her thoughts remain in that vicinity for long. She really didn't want to know. Not to mention it wasn't the time to consider those things. Gazing out the window as the traffic passed her by, she had to frown as the car was stuck in a bit of a jam. That was the last thing she needed, being stuck in a confined space with Fabio for any longer. She could hear him speaking, still. Repeating the same questions over and over .

"Are you going to answer me?"

"I wasn't planning on it." Rowan retorted.

"There we go. Finally a word out of you. You want to explain why I couldn't hear a word after you walked away with that shop lady? I'd hate to have to tell Pierce you're up to something." he said, his anger evident on his face. Whether it was from Rowan ignoring him or the secrecy in the shop, she wasn't sure.

"I wasn't saying anything in the shop. I select my supplies by reading the energy or letting them reach out to me. It doesn't require words." Rowan half lied. She did select things in that manner, she just hadn't in that particular shop.

"Because that doesn't sound freakish." the man sneered.

"Again with the rudeness. What the hell did I ever do to you?" Rowan finally turned to face him, anger flashing dangerously in her gaze.

"You're suspicious."

"Pot, meet kettle."

"Oh, you're suspicious in a different way. I saw the way you looked at the project. Like you were going to fuck him or something. Pierce let you in on that awfully quick. Took me years to get to that level." he growled. "You just walk up in there with your feminine charm and he takes you right downstairs. You sleeping with him too? I wouldn't doubt it."

"Wow, you ignorant piece of shit. I was asked on board because of what I can do. Are you jealous? That I don't look at you with a favorable gaze? Or perhaps it's that _you _want Pierce all to yourself. You can have him, darling. Obviously I'm only interested in the Winter Soldier. Tell me, how often do you let him out to take care of his needs. He is a man after all." Rowan cooed, her voice taking on a low, sensual timbre. Though her eyes were still flashing dangerously, the rage in her honeyed eyes evident. She was done being nice. If he wanted to sling insults and accusations, she would play just as dirty. Her interest was indeed in the Soldier, but not for primal reasons. He was a fine specimen of man, that was certain, but Rowan was a healer first and foremost, and she was trying to save him. There was no changing Blondie's mind, however, as he seemed convinced that Rowan was on the team for sexual reasons only.

"You want to check your tone, sweetie, I don't appreciate your disrespect." he replied, his anger matching hers.

"No, I don't think I do. You ever heard the phrase 'treat others the way you want to be treated'? No, probably not. You don't seem like the manners type." she said, her voice even as she shot insult after insult at the man.

"Pierce will be hearing about this as soon as we get to base, you can bet your pretty little ass on that, sweetie. You won't be on the team for long." he snarled.

"The sooner I'm away from you, the better" she replied with a cheeky wink.

When the traffic finally started moving, Rowan was gripping the door with white knuckles as the Agent drove at top speeds. His foot had to have been to the floor, and he was taking little care to slow down to turn corners. If he was trying to rattle her, it was working, though she wasn't giving him the satisfaction of changing her facial expression. The only indication that she was fearing for her life was the death grip on the door handle. She almost threw herself out of the vehicle when it came to a halt in the back lot of the Triskelion. Instead, she calmly stepped out, one booted foot after the other, sliding with ease out of the seat as she slowly grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. Half a thought to grab her boot blade crossed her mind, wondering if she could fling it over the hood and into the guys throat quick enough. It wouldn't be wise, however, as she needed to continue her ruse of cooperative agent for Pierce. But gods, was this asshole grating on her nerves. She didn't have time to fantasize about all of the ways she could end him for much longer as a deep, bone rattling shake came from underfoot. Her eyes dropped to the pavement, watching groups of stray pebbles dance with every tremor. A moment later, three helicarriers ascended from somewhere underground, hovering close to the top of the building before rising higher. Squinting her eyes, she could have swore she saw a man with wings zip to one of the floating decks before being abruptly ripped from the sky.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Rowan turned, asking the man, who was watching with bright eyes. His expression was an inappropriate excitement, a sick grin spreading across his mouth as his tongue darted out to lick his lips. The expression made Rowan sick to her stomach as the feeling that something was terribly wrong sunk in.

"That, baby, is project Insight. Looks like the heroes are being taken out. Lets get inside and enjoy the show from a little higher up. Hail HYDRA." he replied, the glint in his eyes flashing with a sick arousal.

"You just confirmed my suspicions." Rowan muttered. "Yeah, let's get on up there and watch." she replied loud enough for him to hear. She moved, stepping only close enough to him to pass toward the door, but he was quick, trained in combat.

His arms banded around her in a vicelike grip, crushing her rips uncomfortably. Survival mode kicked in hard as she brought her head back into his nose, knowing that she was now probably covered in his blood, and her head began pounding like there was no tomorrow. The grip he had on her slackened only slightly, enough for her to squirm her arms enough to release both daggers, mentally thanking every lucky star that Clea had the thought to gift these to her only a short time prior. Gripping the blades, she jabbed backwards into the man's thighs, hearing the angry roar he emitted close to her ear. Headache and a loss of hearing in one ear, and she was sure those wouldn't be her only battle wounds. She could hear gunshots ringing through the air above her head as shouts accompanied the loud pops. The mere sound of gunshots was making her tense as Ruby's memories swam to the forefront. '_No. No no no. Not now. Not the time. I'm trying to stay alive.' _she struggled to block out the imagery as she thrashed , pulling the daggers from his legs only to push them in again. This time, he let her go, she whirled around making sure to keep him in her sights.

His eyes were bulging from his skull as his mouth formed an animalistic grimace, his teeth exposed in a snarl. Spittle was flying out of his mouth with every exhale. He outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds and towered over her, but she had drawn first blood. She could only hope that was enough of a leg up. The rage in his face told her that his adrenaline had kicked in, and he was running at full tilt toward her, despite the gashes in his legs. She was ready for him this time, crouching low and bracing herself for the impact. He hit her like a ten ton brick, knocking her to her back and knocking the breath out of her. She could feel the impact send jolts of pain from her back, through her entire bone system. With a grunt, she heaved, bringing her knee up between his legs, hoping to make contact. Judging by his immediate roll over, she had successfully incapacitated him, but she wasn't wasting time in getting the upper hand. She rolled over to straddle him, feeling her body switch to autopilot. The choice was made for her as she watched, almost detached as the two daggers descended, sliding across the Agent's throat, spraying her with a small bit of pressurized blood before the sticky red liquid slowed to a pulse with each of the final beats of his heart. The puddle was already spreading as she watched the life leave his frenzied eyes.

Two more gunshots rang around her as she felt a pain blossom in the fleshy part of her right side, more blood blooming on her clothing, though this time it was her own. Not daring to drop her weapons, she struggled to her feet as quickly as her wound would allow, whirling to find another dead Agent a hundred paces away positioned in a manner that suggested he was shot from behind. Her eyes lifted from the corpse to the man who shot him, the shock that hit her enough to send her reeling. It was in that moment that she knew that her life had been saved by a ghost.

"You... I thought you were dead." she stammered, taking a couple of steps toward the dark skinned male.

"My secrets have secrets, Flynn. You look rough. Last I knew, you were in New York." Director Fury said, meeting her half way.

"You know me, sir. Bad habit of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. I talked to Strange." Rowan said, her hand going to her side, an attempt to put pressure on the wound. "I think I might die." she said simply, refusing to let fear take hold of the situation. She had long ago accepted death as a part of life. Sure, she had hoped to live considerably longer, but if it was her time, there was nothing she could do to stop the reaper from collecting her.

"You're not going to die. Can't you heal yourself?" He asked, lifting her arm to get better access to the bullet hole. "Looks like it passed through. I tried to get him before he shot, but these damned HYDRA crackpots are all trigger happy. Lucky he just got you there. It's not fatal. Bet it hurts like hell though."

"Like _fucking_ hell." Rowan agreed, a sharp inhale of breath as Fury prodded a still tender spot. "I'm all out of energy and ran real thin, I can't heal myself without getting some rest first."

"Call Strange." Fury said.

"Will your demands to call that man never cease? Give me a break." she almost whined, rolling her eyes and gritting her teeth against the pain.

"He can open a portal and get you out of here. And assess your wounds. There's a secret medical facility that he and I know of, he'll take you there. It's not far from here. I have pressing matters to attend. I need to end this." he said.

"You're not pushing me out of this, Fury. I'm in it till the end." she insisted. "I have something I need to do, too." she added, breathing heavy. Her vision was blurring at the edges slightly, and she could smell the iron tang of blood clinging to her like a cloak. It was making her nauseous. Not all of that blood was her own. "Gods, I just killed someone." the realization knocked into her suddenly.

"Call Stephen Strange. Whatever you were doing can wait. If you don't get out of here, you _will _die." He commanded.

"Okay. Alright fine." she said weakly. She wasn't able to die without saving Bucky. She needed to be alive for him. If he didn't die from this too. She knew he was up there somewhere, probably killing off good Agents. Wincing, she dropped her bag to the ground, surprised it had made it through her scuffle. Unzipping the bag, she pulled out the file she had taken from the basement. "I'll go. But promise me you'll give this to Steve. And you better come right to your facility when this is over." she demanded, accepting defeat with as much grace as she could muster.

"I promise." he replied, taking the file and tucking it into an inner pocket of his long leather coat before striding with purpose into the building.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN~  
**__You're getting two today as 8 was shorter than usual  
Enjoy 3  
_~_Hallow_

* * *

Lights swam into view as Rowan's eyes fluttered open. Her head felt heavy and there was pain everywhere. She knew she was not in any familiar room ,and she vaguely remembered being taken through a portal by Stephen and put into this medical facility. She could only assume that was where she currently was. Thinking too hard on it was hurting her already throbbing head, so she let her eyes drift closed again to block out a little bit of the excruciating light. Hearing the shuffle of footsteps cause her to crack one eye open again, out of sheer curiosity. Director Fury and Natasha Romanov were in the room, Nat taking the chair next to her bed and Fury looming over her like he was wont to do. Raising a brow at the pair of them, Rowan cleared her throat to prepare for words. Her throat felt raw, though she knew she hadn't done anything to damage it.

"How'd everything turn out?" she asked, her voice hoarse from lack of use.

"It's over. HYDRA is gone. For now. Pierce was behind it the whole time. He tried to take me out when I started fitting pieces together." Fury said, a frown set deep on his jaw.

"Cut one head off, two take it's place. It's only a matter of time. Steve make it?"

"Barely. Found him on the bank of the Potomac, no idea how he managed to get out." Fury said, puzzlement filling his eyes. "He went head to head against their Soldier, I'm surprised there was enough of him left to lug out of the river."

"That's a little morbid. Where's the Soldier?" Rowan inquired, more than a little curious to know Bucky's outcome.

"No sign of him. He's a ghost. Always has been. At least now we know he exists." Fury replied. "I haven't given Steve the file yet. Now that you're awake, you can do the honor."

"I...don't think I want to." Rowan admitted. "It was painful enough to see Bucky, I don't want to be the one to hurt Steve further. I have my own slew of shit to deal with. I took another man's life, sir." Rowan said, shaking her head with a nauseated expression. "That goes against everything I am. I save lives, I don't take them. This is all wrong."

"You're the same person you were, Ro. One death doesn't change that." Natasha said, finally joining the conversation.

"That's easy for you to say. You were trained to do this. I wasn't." She retorted, her honey colored eyes meeting the green orbs of the assassin.

"It doesn't matter. You were defending yourself. You would have died if you didn't make that choice. You were brave, and you helped us, whether you know it or not. Whatever they had you doing, you stalled them long enough that we could find out what they were up to."

"They... they had me working on Bucky" she said, pursing her lips. "Gods, I feel like I got hit by a mack truck."

"Not a truck. Just a large trained HYDRA agent and a bullet. Told you you'd live." Fury said. "I'm proud of you agent. But I have some bad news. S.H.I.E.L.D is compromised. The organization has been shattered. Your badge marks you as an enemy of the country unless you chose to go into hiding like the rest of us. There's only a handful of people who are still true to our cause, and those people will always offer you shelter. Your old home is no longer safe. Not only is our organization destroyed from the inside out, you have been marked as a threat to HYDRA. Zola created a program that calculated anyone who could ever become a threat to their system. Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, most of the mutants in Xavier's care. And you. You are no longer just a healer, Rowan. You _will _need to fight to stay alive. Whether you want to admit it or not. The days of childishly denying your father are over. We all need to stick together more than ever. You need to learn to defend yourself. Knives won't always cut it." he explained.

"Wow. That's one hell of a sad story." Rowan said, a sad smile turning up the corrners of her lips. "When can I get out of here?"

"When Doc gives you clearance. Any idea where you'll go?" Fury asked.

"Hunting." Rowan replied simply, breathing as lightly as she could manage as to not disturb the bandages on her side or her aching ribs. Parts of her that she wasn't even aware could hurt were in excruciating pain. Every slight movement caused her to wince in pain.

"Tell me you aren't thinking of finding the Soldier. Don't go on some fools mission to save a man that can't be saved." Fury commanded.

"I'm not. I'm going to save a man that can. S.H.I.E.L.D is destroyed, right? Which means technically, you're not my boss anymore. You're a friend. I'll take your words as a suggestion, but I'm going to do what I want." Rowan replied, gritting her teeth. "Gods, can we get some whiskey in here? My body is in agony. Where's Tony when you need him?" she asked.

"At least wait until you're fully healed. You've only been out for two days, Steve hasn't even woke up yet. Give it time." Fury said, shaking his head.

"I'll take that into consideration too." Rowan said with a small grin.

"Consideration my ass, Flynn. Don't push yourself! That's an order, and I don't care _what _you think about that." Fury exclaimed.

"Look who took his seat as master and commander back. I think Steve'll have something to say about that." Rowan said, her grin widening.

"Don't deflect my concern with jokes, Agent. You said yourself you have a lot to deal with. Don't pile too many things on yourself. It's not good for you."

"Alright, _dad _" Rowan shot back sarcastically. "Stop worrying so much, you'll go gray. Oh..wait." she added, sticking her tongue between her teeth in a cheeky expression, her eyes flickering to his bald head before falling back to meet his gaze. "Really. Chill. I'll wait until I can move without wincing."

"More jokes. Just wait. I'll suggest the Doctors don't release you for the next two months." he replied, his face torn between amusement and frustration.

"The trail will go cold." Rowan replied, her jesting demeanor dropped like a stone. "That's not funny."

"The joker has been silenced." Fury shot back.

"For now." Rowan muttered. She shot him a glare, though it was short lived as a pang of pain shot through her. Gasping, she swore under her breath before uttering another long string of curses. "I need some sort of pain killer though, in all seriousness. I feel like someone filled me full of needles and then took me in the streets and stoned me."

"Always the flair for the dramatics. Are you sure Tony isn't your father?" Natasha asked with a small grin.

"No. Tony is my best friend forever. We have bracelets. They're made out of beer tabs. And shrapnel from his destroyed Iron Man suits. Pepper hates them. I think she's just jealous because she's not a part of our bestie for life group." Rowan said, her eyes shining in amusement.

"Why does none of that surprise me?" Natasha asked, shaking her head slightly.

"Probably because you lot are learning not to question the crazy hermit." Rowan responded. "Where's this damn Doctor, man. I'm in pain." she asked, becoming frustrated at the lack of medical attention.

As if on cue, Stephen Strange practically glided into the room, dressed in slightly more palatable clothes. He looked more like some Romanian vampire wannabe than a complete wacko. His black pants were pressed carefully, his boots tied in simple loops. His pristine white shirt was tucked into the pants, and he wore a deep red brocade vest over the white shirt. She almost expected to see pirate ruffles, though that would have been overboard. There were gold, bronze and silver rings on almost every finger, and there were gold stud earrings glinting in each ear. His salt and pepper beard, as always, was trimmed neatly and his silvery blue eyes shot to Fury immediately upon entrance. "Mr. Rogers has awoken. Your Falcon is with him, but I believe he deserves an explanation. I'd like a moment with Miss Flynn."

"You got it." Fury replied, turning to leave. "Oh. Don't let her talk you into letting her leave early. She's gunning to get out of bed and on the road."

"Foiled again." Rowan replied, snapping and moving her hand in an old timey super villain fashion, though immediately regretted the movement. "It hurts." she groaned, laying back slowly and staring up at the ceiling. As Fury and Natasha left the room, Stephen moved to the chair that Natasha had been sitting in moments before. "You better come bearing gifts of pain meds if you expect a conversation."

"Of course." he replied, conjuring a steaming mug of an earthy smelling liquid as well as fresh bandages and several different herbal poultices. "Drink this and let me change your bandages." he said, waving his hand to allow the mug to float in mid air into Rowan's hands.

"How long you think it will take? To get out of here, I mean." Rowan asked as she carefully sipped the liquid and readjusted herself with the utmost care to let the Doc get better access to the wounds.

"There is not time limit on healing. You, better than anyone, should know that. You will be done when you are done." he chided lightly, his hands moving to unwrap the soiled bandages. "It looks good, considering. Clean shot. I was able to work on it soon enough after the act that there was no time for infection to set in. The bone pain may be permanent, however. I must insist you keep up on self healing and gentle exercise. The impact with which you must have hit your spine could have been quite damaging. Again, I managed to fix what I could on that."

"Thanks." Rowan said softly, gazing toward the wall as he finished changing the wraps. With another sip of the liquid, she slowly turned again to rest her back against the pillow. "How bruised am I?"

"Oh, you look like you took quite the tumble. Down a couple flights of stairs. It'll be ugly." he said with a small smile. "And you're welcome. This is what I do, child. You needn't thank me."

"No, I mean... I would have died if you didn't send your extraterrestrial lady friend to look after me. If it weren't for those daggers, I would be dead. I assume that was your underhanded way of inserting yourself into my life." Rowan said, finally speaking to him with some sincerity. "After all the avoiding I've done, and all of the snide comments, you still went out of your way to help me. And even save my life. I'm kind of indebted to you."

"Hardly. Consider it an apology for my absence. I'd like to get to know you. Perhaps not as a daughter just yet. That will take time. But as a friend and a mentor." He replied, spreading his hands in an open shrug.

"I hated you for so long. It's going to be very difficult to just... drop that. It's always just been black and white. Now I'm learning nothing was what it was supposed to be. Even me. Everything's falling apart. All I want to do is crawl into a hole and forget about everything, but I know I can't. There are people who still need me." Rowan rambled.

"You are still very much the same young woman, Rowan. Though nothing is every exactly black or white. There are shades of gray, and even more hues of vibrant color in between. Such is the universe. I understand it will take time, but know that I am around should you ever need anything. Clea mentioned that she sees great potential in you. When you are ready to embrace that, I would be happy to have a new apprentice." he said with a small smile that made the faint crows feet at the corners of his eyes crinkle in an endearing way.

"Clea's a nice lady. I like her." Rowan responded almost offhandedly. A yawn interrupted her next words, and she took another sip of the liquid, frowning when she found it was her last mouthful. "When I sort all my own shit out...everything, maybe I'll take you up on that. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." he urged.

"My mother. What's the story there? She handed me off to a foster home as soon as I could walk." she said.

"Your mother was a very talented, deeply spiritual woman. An Ojibwe Medicine Woman, and a tribe elder, despite her relatively young age. She was married to a very fierce warrior. I traveled to the tribe lands to learn from her at the request of the Ancient One. There was one evening. Long story short, you were conceived. You mother, being deeply in love with her mate, and I being still quite selfish, you were...an accident. She was disgusted with herself, you were a reminder of her adultery. She never quite felt fond of you. You had an older brother whom you bonded with, from what I understand, but she couldn't have you in the tribe as a reminder to her people that she had fallen from grace. I only found out about all of this later. Much later in fact. Nicholas Fury gathered the information and passed it on to me. I still do not know how he finds his agents, but as soon as you were of logical use, he brought you into the fold. Your mother never spoke of you again. I am actually not quite sure where she resides now, but the tribe lands have been abandoned." he explained.

"What a bitch." was all Rowan could say.

"Perhaps. Or perhaps she was too wrapped up in herself to care for another living being. Thankfully your talents did not surface until you were safely away from there. While I do not believe the tribe would have done you harm, I am not entirely sure what your mother would have done had she known you are far more adept at healing than she. Surely nothing pleasant. She cherished her role as medicine woman, I very much believe that would have been threatened had you grown into the tribe." he explained, a shrug of his shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Still in pain but not as bad." Rowan said, another yawn escaping her.

"Rest now. When you wake, I'll allow you to visit Steve. I'm sure he'll have a great many questions for you." Stephen said, standing easily from his spot.

"Doc." Rowan said before he could step out of the room.

"Hm?"

"Thanks."


	10. Chapter 10

_**Author's Note~  
**__I don't own anyone aside from Rowan.  
I hope you're enjoying the ride  
_~_Hallow_

* * *

Footsteps echoed down the tiled hallway as Rowan sprinted toward the exit, her braid swaying lightly against her shoulder. er bandages were threatening to come loose, the healing wound straining slightly. Screeching to a halt, she shoved through the front door in time to see Steve and Sam preparing to leave. With a small pout of her ruby red lips, she moved swiftly across the parking lot, a strict expression on her features. They were _so _not leaving without her. Adjusting her new, soft leather bag across her chest and smoothing out her gossamer, well fitting white bohemian shirt, she stopped in her tracks near them, crossing her arms. She cocked her hip out as she glared, her distressed jeans hugging her legs tightly. Her buckled boots and studded belt were in strange contrast to her slightly mystic jewelry and shirt, though for some reason, the look fit her like a glove. Her eye makeup was simple, a thick black cat eye over shimmering gold shadow that made her honeyed eyes almost glow unnaturally, her creamy pale skin looking considerably better than it had in the past week. She even almost felt better despite the ache in her bones and the tender wounds from the bullet. Running hadn't been a good choice, but she wasn't about to let Sam and Steve leave without her. She knew exactly what they were up to, and even though she should still be healing, she wasn't letting them hunt Bucky without her.

"You guys forgetting something?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

"We... Okay it was his Idea." Sam Wilson said, pointing directly at Steve. Steve looked unabashed, his clear blue eyes staring out from under his proud brow.

"It's personal Rowan. You've done more than I could have ever asked of you, and I am in your debt for this. But I need to do this." he said, his lips flattening into a line.

"Please. That's why you're taking the bird with you? I'm going." Rowan insisted. "Or we can split up and I _will _find him first. Your choice."

"Don't give me ultimatums, Ro. He could still be dangerous and I'm not putting you in danger again. You almost didn't make it."

"Neither did you. Plus, that wasn't your fault. I was the one who abandoned orders in favor of curiosity. And I don't regret it. But you need to let me go too. I need to make up for leaving him." she said softly. "I think we can trigger his memories. Together. I saw the aftermath of him seeing you. When you called him by name. He was so lost. And then he saw me and... gods, it was so intense. Doc thinks this whole reincarnation thing can be useful. I don't care if he's dangerous. He had ample opportunity to choke the lights out of me, and he stopped. I actually think it was his way of stopping the vision for the both of us, but I'll probably never know for sure. Doc also said he thinks things were triggered when I healed the tissue damage. It set a reversal in motion."

"We might do better splitting up. You can use portals now, yes? Now that you're on speaking terms with Strange?" he urged. "But then if he goes after you, and you're alone, I'll feel too much guilt." he added, backpedaling on his words.

"I'll be fine. I promise. I'll notify Doc and Clea, we'll have a network of communication. You just better promise me you'll contact me if you find him. Because you know that I will do the same for you." Rowan said, pursing her lips as she watched him closely for any sign if dishonesty.

"I will. Thank you for the file by the way." he responded, holding it up.

"I was going to give it to you myself, but... things got crazy and then I just couldn't do it." Rowan said with a frown as her gaze dropped from Steve's face to the pavement.

"It's fine. It made it to me. Did you... did you read it?" he asked, stepping closer to Rowan, lifting her chin with his hand. "Rowan, you did all that you could. Any guilt you feel over any of this isn't your fault." he added, his clear eyes boring into hers.

"I read it. It helped me know how far to go in and heal. He's healthy, the effects of the electroshock are gone, but I don't know his memory content. I know of only one, and it's not one I'm proud of leaving him with. Gods, this is all so screwed up." she said, holding still as she let Steve brush a thumb across her cheek. "Careful there, Rogers. I'm beginning to think you have a crush on me."

"No time for that." he said with a small grin as he stepped away.

"Good. Lets get to work then." Rowan said with a small smile. "But Odin help any woman you set your sights on, because damn, boy. " she added with a wink. Even she had to admit he was a gorgeous man, and a complete gentleman to boot. "What's the plan then? Birdman taking to the sky for surveillance?" she asked, shooting a smile to Sam.

"You know these are only for superhero situations." Sam said with a laugh, patting the large mechanical pack that held the Falcon's wings.

"Every day is a superhero situation. Even as we speak, some little old lady is sobbing on the inside because she doesn't have a strapping lad with metal bird wings to help her across a dangerous intersection." Rowan said, clapping her hands as if to rush someone. "Come on, Wilson. Stay on top of this stuff, man."

"Oh, right. Let me just go help the city real quick." he said with a roll of his eyes, though he was taking the jest in stride.

Rowan had gotten to know him a bit in the week she had been forced to stay and heal in the hospital. Steve hadn't been allowed to stray very far either, so the three of them had become fairly buddy buddy. Sam was a pretty cool dude as far as Rowan saw it. He took her jokes like a pro, and even shot back his own. He had been hanging around more for moral support and dealing with the aftermath of project Insight. He was officially part of the team, and Rowan was glad. He had fought valiantly and he had a sweet set of wings. Even Stark would be jealous of those suckers. She had wasted no time in requesting he go bring her things from the outside world. With the help of the occasional visit from Clea, she had been outfitted and made up, and even stocked with a new satchel full of healing essentials. Any man that agreed to run errands for her was good in her book. Sure, he complained about it, but it was always in good nature.

"No time, my friend. We have a Bucky to locate. Where are you lads headed first?" she asked, becoming serious again.

"I was thinking the Potomac. The woods up around there. It's a good couple miles, might take a while, but that's as good a place as any to start. That was the last place I know he was." Steve replied.

Rowan glanced at Sam again, raising her eyebrows with her mouth forming a smirk. "Bird wings, man. Bird wings. That might cut the time a little bit, plus you can make hourly rounds to check the grounds out for change."

"You have a point." he replied, considering her suggestion. "What's your mark, girly?"

"Well, considering Steve can't exactly go into any public places because he's a well recognized enemy of the country, I was thinking I could check the Triskelion. Bucky probably got used to returning there after missions. Could be hard wired into him. I'm at less risk there than you. Plus, if he's not there, he might be somewhere in the city." She answered shrugging her shoulder slightly.

"What if there are people at the Triskelion? You could get killed." Steve said. "You need to be in bed letting that gunshot wound heal, not out hunting for a mindless killer." he said, urging her to stay in the medical facility.

"You have plenty of healing left to do too, my friend. And you don't really believe he's still a mindless killer. Don't thrown that around at me. I'll be fine. Even if there are people, you know Doc won't be far. He's not keen on me leaving either, but he's also not about to argue with me on this. Or sneak out." she said, shooting Steve a look.

"Didn't work out in my favor, did it?" he said, returning her sarcastic look with one of his own.

"I would have never forgiven you if you left me out of this. Seriously, I will be fine. Just go hunt the river bank, I'll go to the headquarters. We can meet up later. Just keep me posted." Rowan said, turning slightly as she saw Doctor Strange stride out of the facility, his Cloak of Levitation fluttering behind him as the Eye of Agamotto glinted in the early afternoon sunlight. Thankfully, the red eye was closed, because it seriously creeped Rowan out. Though Strange was all business now, prepared to take her where she needed to go and protect her if need be.

"Rowan, child, if you keep running around like a rambunctious toddler, I'll have to refuse to help on this fool's mission." Stephen said from behind her as he moved to join the group. "Your wound is not fully healed. You will tear it open and have to start the healing process all over again. Be easy."

"Quit mothering me." Rowan replied, rolling her eyes. "Guys, I'm fine. We've waited a week to do this, we need to go now. If not, we've got a lot of sites to check out according to that file. He could be anywhere from here to Russia, and the sooner we start looking for him, the better chance we have of finding him in the states."

"I am well aware. But you still need to let your wounds close. Let's get going. The sooner we get a day of searching finished, the sooner you can rest." Stephen said, glancing at the two other men. "We shall be seeing you later."

Steve and Sam both nodded, clasping hands with the Doctor before turning to hike large bags up onto their shoulders as Sam 'suited up', snapping his wings firmly in place. Rowan turned to the older man and gave him a nod to indicate she was ready to move. With the ease only he could manage, he waved a wrist with shining red orbs and opened a tear in the fabric of space and ushered her through. When she set foot on the other side, the dark, foreboding Triskelion loomed before her, all of it's windows dark. With the organization in shambles, there was no need to have an official headquarters. Everyone had abandoned it.


	11. Chapter 11

It had taken some struggle to wind her way into the building, having to locate a broken window low enough to the ground. It still had not been low enough to just climb in, and she had required the assistance of the Sorcerer to gain entry to the building. While the levitating was uncomfortable to look at, it came in handy when one needed to get in windows. It was more of a struggle to figure out how she was going to get down to the secret basement lab to hunt. The elevators were out of commission thanks to the lack of power, so Stephen had to use his plane walking ability to get her down to the bottom floors. It had shocked her to see the flickering halogen lights still functioning when everything else in the building had been shut down. The majority of the people in the building hadn't known about this basement, so she wondered if it ran completely on a different system. Thinking about HYDRA having it's own power bill made her snort with laughter, shaking her head at her own train of thought.

"I'm going to go back to the lab to see what I can find. There's a room...right here." Rowan said as she strode to the one other room she had been familiar with. "See if you can open that desk. I think there's files in it. Pierce mentioned failed attempts at the Soldier project, I want to know what happened. He had a key in his pocket, and there's some secret handshake bullshit to get the thing opened, but I think the Sorcerer Supreme can get it open.." she added with a small grin.

"Of course. I will make attempts without magic first, but if that fails, I will still extract whatever secrets are hidden within." he replied with a nod. "If you need me, you need but call."

"I'll be just down the hallway. I'm fine. No need to mother hen, Doc." Rowan said as she backed out of the room and let her legs carry her toward the lab she had dreaded to set eyes on again.

The view of the chair as she moved toward the door made her cringe. The memories of her last time seeing it were unpleasant. biting the inside of her lip, she gasped as a hand snaked around her mouth and a body was pressed behind her. She could feel the cold barrel of a pistol pressed into her side as a deep panic set into her body. Her heart was thudding violently in her chest, the noise audible in the room, almost louder than the quiet hum of the lights overhead. The black gloved hand didn't loosen it's grip as she heard the door close behind her. Feeling like a trapped animal, the urge to bite her captor took over. Thinking better of it, she swallowed hard, waiting for the next move. The man was leading her farther away from the door as if he knew that someone else was with her within shouting distance, and he wanted to prevent any interference with what he was going to do to her. Which was probably kill her. Rowan wondered how long before the gun fired and she bled out on the lab floor.

"Where is Pierce." the gruff voice demanded, his mouth close to her ear.

"Pierce is dead." Rowan responded when his hand had moved enough to let her answer, traveling to rest firmly on her throat. The hand seemed more solid than a normal appendage despite the black gloves that covered it. "Bucky?" she ventured, letting her hand slowly move upward to touch the arm that held her. As she suspected, it was solid, shining metal.

"Who are you ?" he asked, letting her turn around, though keeping the gun pressed to her skin.

"Rowan. I was the healer." she said slowly, letting her eyes meet his, hoping to buy herself some time to talk. He could have killed her, though it seemed as if he wanted something.

"You helped them." he growled, his cold eyes narrowing into slits.

"No. I helped you. I wasn't part of this. I was a S.H.I.E.L.D Agent who got mixed up in the wrong shit. I was never HYDRA, and I still am not. I wanted to save you, but I needed to play it safe. I needed to trick Pierce into trusting me enough to let me be alone with you. Everything fell apart before that could happen." she explained, feeling the panic setting in. She knew Stephen was probably wondering where the hell she was, and it was only a matter of time before he made himself present and tried to subdue Bucky.

"Who is with you?" the man in front of her asked, the gun lowering only slightly.

"Doctor Strange. An actual doctor, and a sorcerer. If he sees you trying to harm me, he will retaliate. Fair warning. I don't want that to happen." Rowan explained. "I came here hoping to find you. I still want to help. I think that between Steve and I, we can help you remember who you were."

"I know who I was. Who I am." Bucky said, his eyes never leaving her face. The intense gaze was uncomfortable, making Rowan squirm.

"How? Did your memories come back?" Rowan asked with curiosity that was out of place in her current situation.

"Some of them. And I visited that museum. Found a World War II display. I know I was Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. I know that I should not be this young. They did something to me every time I tried to remember. Whatever you did reversed it." he said, seeming to relax a little, but to the naked eye, the slight relaxation would not be detectable. Thankfully, Rowan was an emotional sponge and could detect even the slightest change in a person's demeanor.

Rowan could see Strange approaching the room out of the corner of her eye. Quickly holding up a hand so he knew she was okay and to stand down, she nodded at Bucky. "I healed the nerve damage in your brain. I'm... I was taken in by S.H.I.E.L.D because of what I can do. Pierce could have killed me on sight, but he needed you in top working condition. My associate and I..." she said, pointing to Doctor Strange, "We have some theories as to why it worked out the way that it did. You are perfectly healthy, though had I not removed the effects of the procedures, They probably wouldn't have been able to use you much longer. Pierce himself mentioned there were some... mistakes when they tried to use other men. I don't know what those mistakes were, but I think I have the files to find out." she said. Raising her amber eyes to him she shook her head in embarrassment. "Ah, sorry. I'm rambling. I do that when I'm nervous."

"You healed me?" he repeated.

"Yes. And I can do more if you need. You look like you're in rough shape and you're bleeding." she said, nodding toward the hand holding the gun.

"It was difficult to get into the building and down here." he replied, glancing down at his hand with disinterest.

"May I?" she asked, unzipping her bag and digging out clean bandages and lavender oil. The bandages were meant for her, as she needed to clean her own wound, but Bucky was more important. "Why did you come back here?" Rowan asked by way of making conversation as if the silence was slightly uncomfortable.

He furrowed his brow a little before taking his glove off, revealing a deep gash on the palm of his hand, deep enough to indicate that the glass had cut through his leather gloves as well. How the hell he was still standing with the blood loss was beyond Rowan, but it was probably something to do with the super soldier serum that had made him what he was. He held his hand out, letting her take it gently. She pursed her lips as she inspected the bleeding wound. Pulling more fabric out of her bag along with a bottle of water, she set to work cleaning the blood from his hand. When she was finished cleaning the area, she dropped some lavender oil into the wound, glancing up to see his eyes curiously watching her. She could feel a heat creeping to her cheeks, the gaze making her intensely uncomfortable again. She made quick work of wrapping his hand, making sure the bandage was secure enough to last a couple of hours. She hoped he'd go with her so she could make sure there was no other scrapes or cuts she was missing. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes, seeking the universal energy, channeling it into the man. It wasn't much, but it was enough to at least stop the bleeding.

"I came to kill Pierce and every single one of his scientist cronies that I could get my bullets into." he replied coldly, watching her face closely. "What did you do?" he added, dropping his eyes to his hand.

"Lavender oil. Then energy manipulation. It'll stop the bleeding, but to help the actual healing along, that needs to stay clean, and I'd need to do more energy stuff. Which would require you to come with me. But that's your choice." Rowan answered, stepping away.

Why are you helping me? I could have killed you. It's what I've been trained to do. Kill." he asked, letting his arm drop to his side.

"You didn't though." she answered. "It's just what I do. For whatever reason, I'm just hardwired to care for people. Plus, long story, but I feel like I know you."

"You remind me of a woman I once loved." he said, still watching her.

"I know. Ruby. Another long story." she replied, nodding her head. "I have her memories. I don't know what you believe, or if you know anything of reincarnation, but I was Ruby in a past life. As crazy as that sounds. I was thrown into this whole fucked up thing because of some dreams. I don't have all of her memories, but I had enough of them to take me here." she said, realizing she was rambling again.

"I am interested in hearing more." he urged.

"Do we have to do it here? This place makes me uncomfortable, and I have wounds of my own to tend to." she asked glancing up at him with a sheepish grin. Her eyes dropped from his face to his cybernetic arm, marveling at the craftsmanship, but wondering if HYDRA could track him through the technology. She had no doubt there were still members scattered everywhere, and if there was one thing they would want to do, it would be to find their Soldier. "I have a crazy thought."

"Just one?" Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow. It was the first expression she had seen him make since she had been trapped in the room with him.

"He makes jokes!" Rowan shot back with a shocked expression.

"I'm learning." he replied with an easy smile. The smile made her heart pound in her chest as Ruby's memory of his perfect wicked grin connected with her current reality. "We can go wherever you would prefer."

"Quick learner." Rowan said, shooting him a smile of her own. "I don't know if HYDRA put trackers in that arm of yours, but I've got a friend who can either deactivate it or craft you an entirely new one. He's crazy techy. And he owes me. We'll head there first to make sure those lab bastards can't ever get their hands on you again."

"Helpful and protective. You're an interesting woman, Rowan. I have no reason not to trust you. You've helped me twice now." he said with a small shrug. "I'm not the safest guy to be around. I have a deep ingrained urge to kill. They spent years training me, testing on me... doing god knows what. If I see HYDRA, I will kill them with no remorse."

"I'm not asking you to make promises, Bucky. I'm just asking you to let me help you. Steve wants to see you too. In fact, he's going to be pretty upset that I don't take you to him first." she said.

"Why? So he can kill me?" Bucky asked with a sarcastic huff of a laugh.

"No. He loved you like a brother, and he still does. You were his best friend. He just wants to see you. To help you." Rowan said, her eyes softening as she watched the man's discomfort.

"What can he do to help? It's been too long and I'm too different. I'm not the same man that he knew. I tried to kill him. Twice. Those things don't just go away." he said.

"Steve's an interesting guy. I think you'd be surprised at what he can forgive. His moral compass is always pointing toward the "right thing", and he's painfully sweet. He's a really good guy. You may not think you're the same guy, and you don't have to be. But that doesn't change the history you guys have. Give him a chance." Rowan urged.

"You love him?" Bucky asked, seeming to pick up on her affectionate words.

"I love him as a friend. I've just been through hell with the guy." she said. "Why? You jealous already?" she joked.

"If I was?" he asked, seemingly glad for the change of subject.

"Just wait till you get to know me. Nothing to be jealous of." She said with a laugh.

"The loyalty and love you have for the ones you hold dear is something to be jealous of. I haven't known unconditional friendship or kindness in a very long time. I have been a tool for too long." he admitted, the hardness of his eyes telling her that he was remembering and hating.

"You may have just met me, but you have me as a friend now. I don't care if you kill bad men. If you come home bloody, I'll still crack a beer with you. My world has been shattered and I'm learning that things aren't just black and white. I accept you as you are, Bucky. I know you need that from someone, even if you don't realize it yet." Rowan answered, giving him an honest look.

"You say that now." he said with a shake of his head.

"I say that always. A promise." she insisted. "Now come on. My body is starting to hurt. I'm supposed to be in a hospital bed healing right now, and I'd kill for a comfortable chair." She said, her hand moving to the wound on her own body, as if checking to make sure the fresh scabbing skin was still in place on the entrance and exit wounds. a small spot of blood dotted her off white shirt, though it was entirely possible it was Bucky's. Letting her eyes lift to his face for a second before dropping her gaze and lifting her shirt, turning to the side as if to block his view. He stared anyway, his brow furrowing at the sight of her wound. The wound on the front of her side was starting to bleed. It was as if the sight of the blood made the pain register from a dull throb to a stabbing pang.

"Did I do that to you?" he asked, worry filling his eyes.

"No. Pretty sure a killing shot from you would have actually killed me." Rowan said, dropping the edge of her shirt and meeting his gaze.

"Who did that?"

"Some HYDRA asshole." she answered.

"Where is he now?"

"Six feet under, or burned. Depends on how they disposed of the carnage in the parking lot." she said with a shrug, her mind flashing back to the man Nick Fury shot to save her life. And then to the body underneath her as blood pumped out of a throat wound. The killing cuts that she had made. Swallowing the bile that rose in her throat, she took a deep breath. "Lets head out. I need to get this taken care of."

* * *

**AN~  
**_Finally Bucky is here. For good. I hope it was worth the wait.  
__Thanks for all the reads, views, faves, follows and reviews.  
I love you all._

I don't own anyone but Rowan.

-_Hallow_


	12. Chapter 12

**_AN~  
_**_Greetings, darlings, I'm up with another chapter!  
Much love for all of your views, reads, faves, follows, etc.  
You guys are the best 3  
_~ Hallow

* * *

"Tony, darling! I have a favor to ask, and since you kind of owe me for taking half of my special anxiety tea, you can't say no." Rowan's voice rang out through the foyer of his newly rebuilt billionaire's home. It seemed as if Pepper was at the Tower, which suited Rowan just fine. The less people present when Bucky was with her the better. At least until she could gauge the reaction of everyone.

The handsome dark haired man appeared from somewhere in the house, peeking at Rowan before his eyes landed on Bucky and widened. "That's...You know what? I'm not even going to ask. You never cease to shock me, kiddo. And Doctor Strange too! Did hell freeze over?"

"Nice to see you too, Mister Stark." Stephen replied with an entertained expression.

"Oh, right. Hi." Tony said, half waving. "What've you got for me, Baby Strange?" he asked, his eyes falling back on Rowan.

"A falcon punch to the throat if you ever call me that again." She snarked back.

"You know I like it when you threaten me." Tony replied with a wink.

"Fucking freak." Rowan laughed. "Ever see HYDRA cybernetic tech?" she asked, getting down to business.

"Not in a long time. Which is really quite unfortunate, considering they've managed to get their hands on Stark Tech in the past." he pouted.

"Then you'll love this. Tony, this is Bucky. Bucky, Tony Stark. Better known as Iron Man." she said, making introductions quickly so Tony could get to work. "His entire arm is all cybernetic. It seems like it's been kept pretty up to date, but you know science isn't my forte, so you'd know better than me." she said "I'm worried there might be a tracking device embedded in it, and we don't want HYDRA to get their hands on him."

"Wait, so you brought him here when you think there's a tracker?" Tony asked, his brow quirked to the ceiling.

"Really, Tony? You're concerned about this? When you full blown announced on live television where you lived so a psychotic, flaming creep could destroy your home?"

"Were those rhetorical? I feel like those were rhetorical." he said. "He's not going to kill me, is he?"

"I'm not even going to answer that." Rowan said with a roll of her eyes. "While you boys play, I need to clean up. You got any bandages here?"

"What happened." Tony asked, concern filling his gaze.

"I got tackled to the ground like a rag doll, and then I got shot. Essentially, battle wounds." she said. "The bullet holes are being fussy."

"This is why you should have continued to stay at the facility and heal." Stephen cut in.

"If I had, We would't have found Bucky." Rowan said, shooting a look to the quiet, blue eyed assassin. "I'll survive."

-  
After a couple of hours, Tony had his fill of tinkering with Bucky's arm, confirming that there had been a tracker, but he had easily short circuited it. It had been made from old Stark blueprints, so it didn't take him much time to become acquainted with the changes. Surprisingly, Bucky had allowed Tony to make some fixes of his own, gritting his teeth against the pain. Tony was absolutely thrilled to know that Bucky could actually feel, as if it were a normal human arm, though Rowan was pretty sure that Bucky was not as enthused about the other man's discovery. Doctor Strange had remained as well, levitating close to the other two men, reading through the files he had taken from the Triskelion. Swallowing her discomfort, Rowan occupied herself with the files as well, discussing with Stephen all of the test subjects and damages HYDRA had done. It had appeared that there had been more than a handful of failed soldiers, though Bucky had been in use during all of their attempts. It was as if they had tried to make an army of mindless super soldiers, but Bucky had been the only success. The accounts of the prior men were gruesome, electroshock being a kindness compared to some of the things they had done. Some of the first soldiers had actual old school lobotomies, spike through the eyes and everything. Those ones weren't able to function well after that. Shaking her head, Rowan had to put the files down. Small doses were going to be required to stomach that stuff. Walking away, she moved to loom behind Tony as he finished up on some final touches of Bucky's arm. Bucky flexed the metal hand, fingers opening and closing slowly. His eyes lifted to meet Rowan's, searching her face again. He had spent a lot of time watching her, and she was growing accustomed to it, though she couldn't help but wonder why he felt the need to stare.

"He's all set." Tony said, turning to face Rowan, his swiveling lab chair making it easy to move.

"How does it feel?" Rowan asked Bucky, who continued to move his limb.

He shrugged, dropping his gaze to Tony. "Up to date, I guess. Thanks." he added, offering a nod.

"So what next? You just... blend into society? Join S.H.I.E.L.D.? I wouldn't mind having you in the Tower. That arm is fascinating. I think Bruce would be interested in seeing it. As long as you don't take it to Pym. "

"He's not a spectacle, you ass." Rowan scolded, swatting Tony in the arm. "He can do whatever he wants."

"I wasn't saying that!" Tony said in mock offense. "I was just saying that he's a point of interest. Though I suppose S.H.I.E.L.D isn't an option with the organization down and everything. How long you think Eyepatch will take to reinstate it?"

"Fury's officially off the grid now. Dead as far as everyone is concerned. I think that we'll be out of commission for a while. You know we're not really supposed to discuss it." Rowan said.

"We're still a team, Kid. The Avengers are still a team. We don't need an organization to do what we do best. We don't need to be together, but if there's a threat, you know damn well we will take care of it. It may be better to let everyone think Fury is dead. Maybe he'll stay off my back." Tony said with a smirk.

"As long as you don't go on any Iron suit benders, I think you're safe from the wrath of the good director." Rowan joked. "Not that... you know... you even have any suits anymore. Except I know you do."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." the man replied, turning his back to her, using the chair for momentum.

"Ahuh. I won't tell Pepper if you show me what you're working on." Rowan pressed, offering a conspiratorial smile.

"I thought you didn't like this 'sciency stuff'." Tony replied, glancing over his shoulder at her with a cheeky glance.

"I think we've spent quite enough time here. Mister Rogers will want to reconnect with Mister Barnes, don't you think?" Stephen suggested, levitating over to the three, interrupting any childish back-and-forth that could start between the billionaire and the healer.

"You ready for that?" Rowan asked, looking to Bucky.

"Ready as I'm going to be." he replied, pursing his perfect lips. His beautiful blue gaze was on her, as it had been.

"Understandable. After you guys chat or man-bond or whatever, I'll get you some dinner or something. An apology for dragging you back to humanity and making you go through all this shit. There will be beer." she said with a friendly grin.

"Oh yes, having feelings again is the worst." Bucky replied with a small curl of his lips.

"That's not what I meant." Rowan defended, feeling a blush creep into her cheeks.

"I know. I was teasing." he answered. He seemed to be retaining much of his pre-Winter Soldier personality, though there was still a deep darkness in his eyes. A dark glint that would never go away. He stood from the chair he had been confined to for Tony's tinkering session and stretched his back, towering over Rowan. She had to tilt her head back a little to glance up at him.

"Watch it, Barnes. I've been going easy on you with the joking. I will retaliate." Rowan threatened, shooting him a small glare.

"Bring it on." Bucky said, smiling down at her, the devil's grin lighting up his face.

Stephen Strange remained hovering, watching the young woman and the assassin interact. He could see in the violent man's eyes that Rowan's kindness wasn't for nothing. While Bucky remained impassive toward Tony, and even to Stephen himself, there was a light in his eyes when he watched the young mystic. Rowan, ever headstrong Rowan seemed to blunder into the situation, though Bucky had been incredibly patient with her, curious even. Stephen wondered if the connection had been based on Ruby's part of Rowan's soul, or if the assassin was interested in the girl for her self. It would be interesting to watch. Bucky seemed reserved, like he was holding himself back. There was a definite violence just under the surface, a raging red, angry animal just waiting to snap and hurt something. The monster behind the blue eyes was very thinly leashed, yet Rowan seemed unconcerned. Like despite the looming danger, she wanted to see the best in him. She knew very well what he was capable of, yet she still continued to show him kindness, and even companionship. Stephen felt a small pang of guilt, wishing he had been around sooner. To get close to the daughter he hadn't known existed. She was a vibrant soul, full of positive energy and a desire to heal. Despite her shortcomings, she made up for it with heart. He just had to accept that she was letting him in now. It was the best he could ask for.

"Whenever you're ready." Stephen said calmly when he was finished observing the interaction between the two younger people in the room.

"Right. Steve's going to be furious." Rowan grimaced, not looking forward to the rendezvous with Steve and Sam. She had promised she would notify him as soon as they found Bucky, but she hadn't actually done as promised. It was prodding her conscious, but she had done the right thing in making sure there was no tracker. It would be horrible to have to deal with HYDRA so soon after the incident, and she was certainly in no shape for another altercation with well trained agents. Even with Strange and Bucky with her.

"He'll live." Strange said. "Clea and I have prepared a new home for you. Your apartment in the city is no longer safe after the downfall of S.H.I.E.L.D. The first place these people would look for you is there. You're in their system, and you're just as much of a fugitive as the rest of us. It is on the same block as my own Sanctorum. It awaits your approval. Clea took the helm of the set up, so if you do not like anything, please take it up with her."

"You know I will. Lead the way, Doc." Rowan said with a small shrug. "Tony, housewarming party as soon as I inspect everything. You and Pepper better show up."

"Will there be alcohol?" the man asked, tucking a pen behind his left ear as he swiveled in his chair to face them.

"That's a silly question. You know me better than that." the young woman grinned.

"JARVIS, set a reminder." Tony spoke into the room.

"Noted, Sir." the robotic voice replied. Bucky jumped, his eyes shooting wildly around, his body tense, ready to strike.

"Chill, Winter boy. It's just Ton'y s robot man-slave. He's incapable of taking care of himself like us normal folk. Harmless." Rowan said, touching Bucky's arm lightly as if to calm him down.

"Don't hate." Tony said defensively.

"I wasn't. I love JARVIS. I think I actually love JARVIS more than I love you. JARVIS doesn't argue with me or insult me like you do." Rowan replied, sticking her tongue out at Tony. "I'll see you later. Thanks for your help, darling."

"Any time." Tony replied with a dramatic sigh.


	13. Chapter 13

As Rowan carefully stepped through each room in her new home, taking quick account of the interior in complete awe, she made a mental note to thank Clea for everything. She wondered if other-dimensional beings accepted fruit baskets as a thanks. Or if Clea even liked fruit. '_You need a nap.' _she thought to herself at the absurd direction her thoughts were taking her. It had been a long and taxing day. Emotionally charged, and it wasn't done yet. Stephen had headed to D.C. to get Steve and Sam to bring them to the new pad for the Bucky reintroduction. Rowan wasn't sure she'd be able to handle witnessing that, but she didn't have much of a choice. As she moved back out to her new living room, she leaned her hip on the archway between rooms, watching the way Bucky perched uncomfortably on the very edge of the couch as if waiting for some attack. He was so tense. She wondered the last time he had actually been afforded the time to relax. Hoping that he'd warm up to the place and chill out, she tilted her head, ignoring the pain creeping through her body. Clea had warned her not to develop feelings for the guy, but he was just so irresistible. Even with his excessive amount of tragic history and current lack of emotional capacity. And the years that he was missing. The years that hadn't been his own. She wasn't sure if it was the healing instinct in her, but she wanted to take all of his pain away for him. To help him adjust. She wasn't falling for him, not per se. But Ruby's feelings were certainly lingering. Part of her was irritated by the situation. She just wanted to have her own feelings, not some ghost's love for a man who was no longer what he once was.

"You always stand in doorways staring at people?" Bucky asked monotonously.

"Only the assassins." she retorted.

He raised a brow at her, tensing further, his eyes darting to every corner of the room that he could see. After a second, he stood, his back straight, poised for combat. "How many assassins do you know?" he asked, almost a low growl.

"Honestly? Some." she admitted. Natasha, for one. There were others. Others who she hadn't seen in a while, but who were just as important in Fury's collection of people.

"Friends?" he asked.

"Mostly. I'm not foolish enough to put all of my trust in them, but if they're injured, I do my thing." she retorted, moving forward finally to collapse into the black leather chair near Bucky. She immediately regretted the decision to drop down so carelessly as she could feel her wounds tear, the fresh layer of healed skin rendered obsolete. A pained gasp left her lips and she clenched her teeth together, scooting forward with her back locked in a line, attempting to bite back the pain radiating from the two wounds. Bucky lunged stopping dead when he realized that there was no threat, merely a mishap with Rowan's injuries.

"What happened?" he asked, staring at her with his cold gaze.

"I'm an idiot and don't take care of myself or take heed of my own limits." she muttered through clenched teeth, her hands travelling to her side, coming back with blood. "Gods be damned." she growled, standing so she didn't mess up her new furniture with her own blood.

"Do you need me to help you?" Bucky asked, watching her closely.

"No. I'm... just so sick of being covered in blood." she replied, frowning.

Out of nowhere, as was his usual method, Doctor Strange dropped right into the middle of the room, the only warning that sounded was a shimmering red glow in the area where he moved into the home, followed by Steve and Sam. Steve immediately stood, looking like he wanted to embrace Bucky. Bucky, however, was on guard, tensed for action, a large knife in his hand. When he realized who had come in, he looked torn between attacking and standing down. It was as if his orders to kill Captain America were still ingrained into his being, but the Bucky side of him was struggling to get it under control. Sam had a pistol in hand, pointed and ready to shoot if Bucky made a move to harm Steve. His mouth was set in a grim line, though his eyes were still obscured by the dark shades adorning his face. Rowan was instantly tense again, panic making her chest tighten and her heart thud furiously. Doctor Strange seemed poised and ready to diffuse the situation with magic, a group of white orbs crackling and dancing around him.

"Guys. Can we maybe take the desire to kill down a couple of notches? I know it's a lot to ask, but this is neutral ground. Or something. Just... fuck. Calm down. Sam, guns away, Bucky, knife away. Steve... just... keep standing there and looking pretty?" Rowan said, finally speaking. "Doc. Can you supervise? I need to go collapse in the bathtub. I'm covered in blood again and I need a shower." she added, glancing up at the older man. He offered her a nod as every eye fell on her. "My wounds are being assholes. I need to take care of myself." she explained to the group who had just arrived. She wanted to get away from the tension as well. It was thick enough to be tangible to a normal person. Her sensitivity to emotions made it twenty times worse. When she was certain that she could leave them to their business, she slowly moved out of the room, finding her new bathroom and starting the twin shower heads. When she was satisfied with the temperature and confident in her ability to stand, she stripped out of the bloody clothes and stepped in, sinking slowly down into a sitting position, her knees curled up to her chest as the hot water cascaded over her exhausted body. At the very least, she knew she was safe from any intrusions with a living room full of super soldiers, a sorcerer and a military trained man with metal bird wings.

Bucky watched Rowan limp from the room, finding that he wanted to help her. She had refused stubbornly, but he could see the pain etched on her beautiful face. It had been years upon years since he had even a stirring of feeling for anyone, let alone time to spend with a woman. He was instructed in killing, being cold and emotionless. The feelings he felt when he watched the woman were foreign and uncomfortable. They were frustrating him in a way that he was unfamiliar with. It wasn't need, though the primal instinct was certainly there. It was genuine interest in her. He had let her explain the Ruby connection to him, and while he didn't understand it, he could see his previous love in Rowan. It was making him feel again, and he wasn't anywhere near ready. It was almost easier to be cold. Part of him wanted to be angry with her. To flee and hide. The other part needed to be near her. To have the kindness she had shown him. He knew she had saved him. He just didn't know why. He wasn't the kind of guy a girl like her should save, and yet she had done so. And then promised to remain free of judgement. And she offered friendship. He had nothing to give her in return, and yet she seemed content to just be around him. It was completely foreign. HYDRA had used him. He had been a machine. Frozen when there was no use for him. Human contact was as strange a concept as anything, not to mention his entire unfamiliarity with the way things worked in this century.

Seeing Steve again had brought back a slew of uncomfortable memories, enough to knock the breath out of him. The weight of the flashing memories was almost crippling, bringing him to his knees, his breath coming in short, panicked heaves. '_Til the end of the line.' _The words rang in his head over and over as the impact made him grit his teeth. For a painfully long span of time, he was so overcome with pain that he could do nothing but let the memories flood through him. For just a little while, the Soldier was gone, his former self returning to feel all of the emotions he had been missing for seventy years. He knew one thing for absolute certain. He hated these memories and the feelings they instilled. Yet he embraced them. The pain dulled to a manageable level as he got his breathing under control, his deep blue eyes meeting Steve's. The understanding that was there was almost infuriating. "You haven't changed." Bucky said, a small appreciative note to his words.

"Everything has changed." Steve said. "Except our friendship. You are my brother. Til the end of the line."

Bucky stared, unsure of how to react. He wasn't ready for an embrace. Touching another human in a non violent way felt wrong to him. He felt the overwhelming urge to find somewhere to hide. To beat the shit out of something until his energy and emotions were under control. Yet he couldn't leave the girl who had brought him here. As his thoughts landed on her again, he clamped his eyes shut, his right arm moving to the bridge of his nose in the most human motion he had displayed in eons. "This is too much."

"Believe it or not, I understand. When they thawed me, I felt like I was dropped in the middle of an alien planet, scrambling to understand things that were beyond my mental capacity. You get used to it." Steve said. "I still don't understand a lot of things. But you're here now. You're home."

"Nothing will be normal. I'm not the guy you knew. I never will be. Too much has happened." Bucky replied monotonously, falling back into his soldier's mentality.

"It takes time. If you are willing to try." Steve said, urging him with a friendly face.

"Time isn't going to erase the things that were done to me." Bucky replied, an angry tone creeping into his words. Nothing would ever allow him to return to the man that he once was. Nothing. Yet Steve believed in him. Steve and that peculiar woman who had let herself out of the room to give them time to reacquaint themselves.

"I know. But that's over. You can have a life. Your life. Whatever you want." Steve said. The boyish hope in the other man was almost aggravating.

"Not anything, bro. We're fugitives." the dark skinned man in the room said, shaking his head. Bucky recognized him from the last ordered fight he had been involved with.

"That won't be forever." Steve said with certainty.

"Maybe it will. We don't know what's going to happen." The other man replied.

"Regardless, Mister Barnes, you have something you have not had in years. You have choice and a group of people who are willing to work with you. Not everyone will be as open minded regarding you. Nor as trusting. But the people in this house will do their best to help you adjust. You may want to leave, however I must insist you stick around long enough to learn to live on your own. This society is much different than what you're used to." the Doctor said.

"I don't know what I'm used to any more. And I'm dangerous." Bucky responded, watching the man with the same disinterest in his gaze.

"Everyone in this room is dangerous. You will learn." Strange replied with a small, knowing smile. "I am the Sorcerer Supreme, young man. I have power that very few understand. I may not fight with guns and brute strength, but I am just as lethal as you are. You may not feel in control, but that will come. In time."

"I'm here till the end of the line, Buck. You know that." Steve added softly.

"You tried to kill me, but I can let it slide." Sam added with a shrug. "You weren't yourself."

"Why? Why are you all so keen to help me?" Bucky asked.

"Because everyone deserves a chance at redemption." A female voice came from the doorway. All eyes swiveled to look, seeing Natasha had somehow let herself in with the silence that only she could achieve. "You included."

Bucky watched the stunning redhead with recognition punching him in the gut for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He remembered those flashing green eyes, that silken firey hair. The soft touch of her skin under his fingers in training and intimacy. He remembered the missions they had gone on, and the people they had killed together. The bond that only assassins could form hit him. He narrowed his eyes a fraction, feeling more uncomfortable than he had before. Had he loved this woman? Something in his gut told him it had never been love. It had been a need for understanding. A need for human touch.

"Damn, woman! How'd you get in here?" Sam asked, gazing at her appreciatively.

"A girl can't reveal all her secrets." Natasha said with a wink. She was clad in a pair of faded jeans that clung to her legs, accenting all the right places, a black spaghetti strap tank top covered her torso, a light military green jacket over her shoulders. A tiny golden arrow pendant glinted at her throat, and her white teeth flashed a small grin, her eyes resting on Bucky before glancing about the room. There was no emotion toward Bucky. Natasha had no feelings one way or another. Whatever she had felt for him all those years ago was gone, erased along with his memories. "Nice digs. Where's Ro?"

"Licking her wounds." Steve said, "She's been in there for a while, actually. She'd probably try to kill me if I went in there, you wanna maybe check on her?"

"Sure." Natasha agreed easily. "How's she been?"

"Fighting of an anxiety attack. It's visible. She's been keeping her busy. Letting her hunt Bucky was just as much a blessing to her as it was for Steve that we found him. I'm not sure how long she'll be able to hold it off. Not when she's alone and allowed to dwell on the things she's done." Stephen said, pursing his lips. "She may never forgive herself for taking a life."

"She'll get over it." Natasha said, sounding a little more cold than she had intended. "She can't be coddled. She needs to be forced to face it head on, or she's of no use to any of us."

"You're starting to sound like Fury." Steve said with a small frown.

"You know I'm right." Natasha replied.

"I know. But it's only been a week. Let her deal with it on her own time." Steve said, pursing his lips as he watched the pretty redhead.

"If we let her deal with it on her own time, she'll go AWOL. It's not safe for her to be alone right now. And I can't stay. The less of us in one concentrated place, the better." the woman said, staring each of them down. When she met each of their gazes, she turned on her heel to find the bathroom and the Agent who was probably halfway down a very dark path in her own head.

* * *

_**AN~  
**On to another chapter!  
Hopefully you're enjoying your stay in my imagination.  
I find I quite enjoy it myself  
~Hallow_


	14. Chapter 14

Blood drifted lazily down the drain as Rowan remained curled up on the floor of the tub, feeling the distinct sting of pain as the hot water assaulted her wounds. The strength or desire to move had yet to hit her, as she preferred to remain rooted to her spot on the floor. Her mind drifted as the heat touched her skin, beating down on her in wet torrents of of clear water. Tilting her head back as if to let the liquid pour over her face, she drifted into a meditative state, her mental imagery whisking her back to the Triskelion, back to the parking lot full of scattered agents in S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms, though she knew that not all of them were fighting the good fight. There was blood everywhere, and countless corpses, bodies that she had been too busy to see. Too occupied fighting for her own life to see. Bodies that, if she had seen, she would have lost her mind considerably sooner. The drift took her closer to her own struggle, her soul hovering over the two beings in a struggle for control. She didn't recognize the woman. Wild, unruly dark hair fell into her face, clumped with blood as her golden eyes flashed in a blank, zoned out focus. A focus that was only attainable when one was concentrating on staying alive. She was covered in blood as he opponent gushed crimson life force from gaping wounds in his legs. It was a wonder the man was even standing, though through her minds eye, she could see the life slipping out of him as the adrenaline coursed through his aura. As his body knocked the girl back to the pavement, an uncomfortable thud resounding unnaturally on the pavement, the girl wasted no time in fighting as dirty as she could. Within moments,more blood covered her, fresh from another gaping neck wound on the body beneath her.

A strangled cry left her throat as she was thrust violently back into the present, her hands scrambling to grip any solid surface she could find, but slipping and landing in the bloodied water. Her chest heaved, lungs fighting to get air into them. There was not enough air. Never enough air. She could swear that the glass shower door was ascending inward, intent to crush her where she sat. Throwing her arms out, pressing her palms on the door only to find it being slid open, she gasped, dropping her arms with a small splash. A face swam into view, a face she was scrambling to recognize. Her own hands fluttered to her throat as she saw a gaping smile of a wound on the other woman's neck flicker in and out of existence. Blood came and went as the woman crouched down, smoothing Rowans hair away from her face, shaking her as if to bring her back into the present. The memories didn't want to let go, as the soaked girl scrambled, trying to launch herself away from the woman she could have swore was dying right before her eyes. The amount of blood in the room was startling. The walls were covered in the bright red substance, the woman's face and body soaked. Every orifice on her face was leaking black sludge and red life force. With a solid swing of her arm, Rowan shattered the glass in her attempt to get away from the red haired woman-shaped specter, raining glass down on the both of them.

It wasn't until a solid crack to her left cheek snapped her into reality, the edges of her vision swam as the horrible hallucinations retreated to the back of her mind. The blood remained, though Rowan realized quickly that it was her own. Her eyes lifted to Natasha's, fear, grief and guilt touching her eyes. Her voice struggled to form the words for an apology, but Natasha held up a hand. "No. Don't. Come on, we need to get you out of all of that glass." the redhead said.

"Nat, I...does it ever get easier?"

"In time." the woman answered, reaching for the towel on the bathroom counter and holding it out, the nudity of the other woman not phasing her in the least. She let her eyes travel down the brunette's body to take stock of the glass damage. Most of it was on her right hand with a couple of shards still speckling her arm. The scratches on her legs would be easy to deal with, it was a matter of getting her out of the tub without injuring her feet. "You really did a number on the door." the assassin offered with a small smile. "Let me go get one of the guys to lift you out." she said, wrapping the towel around the woman's body before opening the door.

She didn't have to move far, as all four men were were hovering outside the door, looks ranging from terrified, to Bucky's signature blank glance. Though even he had a spark of concern hidden behind the cold expression. It was Steve who spoke up first. "What happened?"

"She had a flashback. Ruined the shower door in her attempt to get away from me. She's alright now, just got a decent amount of glass lodged in her hand, and some up her arm. I need someone to grab her and carry her to her room so I can take care of it. This is why we need to make her deal with this stuff instead of avoid it." Natasha replied, pushing the door open enough to let the men get a glimpse of the bedraggled, startled looking girl, knowing her towel was covering her more intimate areas.

With no word of warning, Bucky pushed the others out of the way, passing Natasha to get to Rowan, his eyes dropping to the floor, then to the jagged shards of glass that littered the whole bathroom. The heaving of the woman's chest almost pushed him over the edge of anger, despite the fact that he knew it had been her own self that caused the chaos. Had it been anyone else, he wasn't sure what he would have done. The mere fact that the one who had shown him so much unconditional kindness was hurt slayed him. Knowing that it was flashbacks that had caused the incident was clawing at him more. She truly understood him without trying. Gently stepping forward to scoop her into his arms, he passed the men who seemed to want to hover around her, being mother hens. He could feel her heart pounding against her chest through the towel covering her body and the thin black shirt he had over his own torso. He knew that heartbeat. The sheer terror. The confusion. He could feel the beginnings of a deep kindred bond with her. His nightmares had started the second he dragged Steve out of the Potomac. The only difference was that he had seventy years of murders to atone for versus her one. Carrying her to one of the bedrooms in the home, he gently set her on the bed with no words. He wasn't sure what he _could _say. He was a killer. He didn't know kindness aside from the extremely recent insertion of Steve back into his life, and the strange woman before him. Instead, he turned and removed himself from the room, letting the people who knew better than he what to do deal with the situation.

Natasha had kept her eye on him, trailing into the room directly behind him as she left Stephen to clean the glass. It was quicker to let the sorcerer deal with the mess. He could take care of it with a flick of his wrist rather than let anyone else endanger themselves. Steve and Sam had agree that it was time for everyone to eat dinner and set about locating food. Bucky, despite his brief show of kindness, had retreated to the living room. Probably to keep watch on the house. It hadn't been long enough that he had been unfrozen. Natasha knew he probably had no idea what to do with himself. There was a time when she could have loved him. He had trained her. Been her mentor and lover. A companion who understood her. When she found out that he was being used as a trained weapon beyond what even she could do, and being frozen when he wasn't on a mission, it ended what they had. Natasha could handle a lot, but that wasn't something that was in her repertoire. Shortly after Bucky, she had been paired with Clint. Over the years, her and the archer had formed a bond that not many could understand. She loved Clint, though she wasn't particularly ready to let that be known. Once one admitted to love, they had a weakness, and Natasha was not built for weaknesses.

It hadn't taken Natasha long to patch the healer up, being an expert at quick bandaging on the run. The shards of glass came out easily, and Rowan sat still, making no sound as if trying to make it known that she was tougher than her current situation made her appear. Natasha hand't intended to stay long, but the incident with Rowan had required her attention. If anyone was going to be able to pull the other woman out of her own mind, it was the red headed assassin. "You better?"

"Mmh. For now." the other girl replied, her voice soft.

"It's okay to remember, Rowan. If you block it out and ignore it, you'll never get over it." Natasha said. "Believe me."

"It's not that. I mean. It is, but. I watched myself kill him again. And I wasn't me. I was wild. Savage. Unfeeling."

"You were defending yourself. You're a healer, sure, but your life was in danger and you shut off your humanity. At least you know enough to turn it back on." Natasha said, brushing a strand of hair out of the other girls face. "You heard Nick. Time for clinging to what you think you are is over. You can be the healer. You know we need you. But you need to be the fighter too."

"I don't even know how. I got lucky." Rowan said.

"So learn. I can't stay here long. Having everyone in one place is a really bad idea. Clint and I are going into hiding. Traveling." Natasha revealed.

"Oh yeah?" Rowan asked with a small pained smirk. "Clint, eh?"

"Oh shut up." Natasha replied with a grin. "Those guys can help you. I know your father would be more than happy to teach you what he can of the Arcane arts, and my own trainer sits in your living room right now."

"Your trainer? Wait. You mean Bucky? So... you. You guys..." Rowan said, her eyes widening.

"Yes. We were lovers once. Things aren't like that anymore. But if anyone can prepare you for what's to come, it's him. And Steve." Natasha said, seeing the look on Rowan's face. She had to tilt her head, brows furrowing as she watched the red seep into Rowan's cheeks. "Ro, what's up with you?"

"You and... You. Uh. Jesus fuck," the dark haired girl replied, pressing the fingers of her left hand to the bridge of her nose, feeling a strange insecurity creep into her entire body. "I need to get dressed." she said finally, dropping her hand and averting her gaze.

"Rowan, seriously, you're going to need to get over whatever your problem is." Natasha scolded.

"Dude. You and him are like... Ugh. Super sexy Soviet assassins, and...and. Oh gods. Clea was right." Rowan said, standing, clutching the towel around her bust.

"Clea? What?" Natasha asked, becoming increasingly confused.

"She just gave me advice. I need to follow it."

"Since when do you ever heed advice?" Natasha asked, crossing her arms as the other girl moved around the room, locating clothing and slipping into the articles with a slow difficulty. Natasha let her struggle, knowing the other woman would only become more frustrated if she offered help. "Wait. Wait, you think Bucky and I are going to just... get right back into that?"

"Why wouldn't you? You guys understand each other." Rowan said, finally fully dressed. Black yoga pants encased her legs, accenting her impressive butt, becoming baggy at the bottoms, the legs of the pants clearly a couple inches too long for her short stature. A deep grey ribbed tank covered her upper half, revealing her heavily bandaged arms. Her hair fell in loose damp waves down to her lower back, and her golden eyes watched Natasha cautiously. "He needs someone like you."

"Hardly, sweetheart. You can do far more for him than I can. You have the patience and the unconditional ability to love someone for who they are without expecting anything more from them. _That _is what he needs. Not me." Natasha said. "Plus. You know I have feelings for Clint."

"But Bucky's.."

"Not for me." Natasha replied shortly. "Now drop it and lets head out there. I think the guys got some food, and Doc'll probably want to make sure you're stable."

"I'm fine." Rowan replied curtly, shooting a glare toward the closed door.

"I know you are. But Strange is a doctor. Those things are ingrained into him. Plus, you're finally letting him be a dad. Just let him fret for a minute. You'll survive." Natasha said with a small smile.

"It's still too weird." Rowan replied, crossing her arms.

"I can imagine." Natasha said. "C'mon. I'm hungry, and then I've gotta go. Clint's waiting."

"How romantic." Rowan replied dryly.

"Yes. Being on the run is _so _romantic." Natasha replied, rolling her eyes, but the grin remained.

"It can be. Probably. I wouldn't know. This is my first time being a fugitive myself, so you'll have to let me know." Rowan joked.

"In detail?" Natasha asked, turning around to shoot the other girl a wink.

"Gods no. Please, no." Rowan replied, shaking her head vigorously.

"What, you're not even a little curious about Clint?"

"Not even a smidge. I'll leave Mr. Hunger Games to you." Rowan replied, clenching her teeth together in a grimace.

"I'm telling him you said that." Natasha said with a laugh, moving toward the wall to let Rowan walk in front of her. Partially because she didn't like people being at her back, but mostly because she wanted to make sure Rowan was capable of traveling on her own. She was walking with a distinct limp, holding her scraped up right arm gingerly with her left. The witty banter seemed to have cleared her darkening mood considerably, though Natasha could still see a dejected drop to her shoulders, the usual sway in her hips missing from her step. Whether it was due to pain or imagined insecurities, Nat would probably never know.

As they joined the men in the living room, three of them hovered around Rowan as if she had just given birth and was up and moving around when she should not have been. It had to have irritated the dark haired girl, but she let them fuss for a moment. Natasha's eyes landed on Bucky, who, despite his perch by the window was eyeing the little healer, taking stock of her injuries in his own way. He never was one to crowd, preferring to let someone come to him. Natasha had to shake those thoughts away. She had been the fly to his spider years ago. Until she learned the truth and hardened herself to anything regarding love. Until Clint Barton was forced to be her partner. It wasn't until Clint had been compromised by the Asgardian trickster that she realized that she was, in fact, very much in love with him. The days with the Winter Soldier were in her past, and by the way Bucky watched Rowan, the Russian spy was far from his thoughts as well. He sat still, statuesque, the only indication he existed was the soft rise and fall rhythm of his chest and the eyes. The deep blue orbs watched the healer with such intensity that Natasha was almost embarrassed to see it.

"Guys, stop fussing. I'm good." Rowan insisted, swatting Steve away with her left hand, gingerly dodging Doctor Strange on her way to the kitchen. She was thankful that Bucky, at least, remained seated by the window. She could feel his eyes on her, consistently, though chose to ignore it. She wasn't ready to address that he had just had to carry her bloodied from her bathroom to her bedroom. In naught but a towel. Thoughts of Natasha and Bucky flashed through her mind, causing a heat to creep to her cheeks as she ducked into the pantry area to gather herself some herbs. Curse her vivid mental images for the things that she didn't want to see. She wasn't sure what was worse. Seeing her murder repeated over and over, or the fleeting images of the Soviet assassins in passionate, intimate situations.

* * *

_**AN~**_

This one was actually pretty fun to write :D  
Keep up the views, faves, follows and reviews!  
I love reading them :D  
I only own Rowan.  
Hopefully I'll get some artwork posted soon

Hallow


	15. Chapter 15

The men had chosen pizza, which hadn't surprised Rowan much. At least they had the good sense to get beer as well. She had tried to sit at the sizable dining table Clea and Strange had outfitted the house with, though the silence that accompanied the dinner was pushing her buttons. Natasha had grabbed a couple of slices and dashed, leaving her with the men. The clandestine glances from her father and the two familiar heroes were enough to make her want to flip the table. She probably would have had her hand not been injured. Only Bucky had returned to his perch by the window, muttering something about being unaccustomed to eating meals around other people. Rowan had to envy him that. She'd rather eat in solace than notice the lot of these guys staring at her as if she were about to lose her shit all over again. She watched Steve's clear eyes settle on her as he chewed his bite of pizza before she huffed audibly.

"Alright, I've had about enough of this. I'm not some freak show to be stared at. I hope you've enjoyed your dinner and a movie, I'm out." she snipped, standing to throw her plate away before grabbing two bottles of beer and limping out of the kitchen. She could feel their eyes boring into her back as she retreated into the living room, hoping they had the good sense to stay the hell away from her until she got her rage under control. Letting her eyes dart about the room, settling on Bucky for a second before stepping forward, holding out the beer in a strange sort of peace offering. "Beer? I know you can't get drunk, but I know most men like the taste of the shit."

"I'm not most men." he replied monotonously, though he took the bottle all the same.

"Oh, I know that. Okay, let me rephrase that. I need a drinking buddy. Even if said drinking buddy can't exactly get drunk." she said.

"You have a kitchen full of them." He replied.

"No. I have a kitchen full of people who are staring at me, waiting for me to sink into an intense psychosis. I don't like being stared at. Or coddled. Or fussed over, or treated like a child." Rowan said, using her hands to speak. "Really, in all actuality, you're about the only person I don't want to falcon punch right now."

"Falcon punch?" he asked.

"Ah. I'll fill you in on that later. I quote weird things. You need more pizza?" she asked, nodding toward his plate.

"No." he replied simply, turning his blue eyes toward the window.

"You want some television?" she asked, twisting off the lid of her beer and lighting a cigarette.

"No." he said, just as flatly.

"A hooker?" she pushed, inhaling the smoke. This got a glance out of him, his gaze turning toward her, his eyebrow quirked toward the ceiling. Rowan shot him a bright smile as the smoke billowed out of her mouth. "I don't know a man alive that would decline a hooker."

"I don't want a hooker." he finally replied.

"Oh. Sorry about Nat." Rowan said, flicking the ash away from her cigarette.

"Nat?"

"Black Widow. Your...er... apprentice-sex-buddy...thing." Rowan said, unsure of what to call Natasha.

"I don't remember anything about her. It was a long time ago." Bucky responded, his expression becoming tired.

"Right." Rowan replied, dropping her gaze to the floor when his eyes met hers.

"You're digging for information." Bucky said. It wasn't a question.

"No. Okay, maybe. But...Gods. I'm having lingering feelings from Ruby toward you. I think her part of my soul has showed me all it needed to, but the feelings are still there. Which is really, incredibly confusing. Because I see what you were. But at the same time, I know what you are now, and what you've done. And what you're still capable of doing. And that's not saying that it makes me think anything different of you. I don't expect you to go back to that guy at all. I told you I wouldn't judge you, and I won't. It's just between Ruby's feelings and the knowledge of what you and Natasha were, it's confusing me. The Rowan me. I don't know how i'm supposed to handle any of this. Plus, I know you see her when you look at me. Ruby. That's the only explanation there is for you to constantly watch me like you do." Rowan said, nipping the inside of her lip before taking a swig of her beer.

Bucky's face remained neutral as Rowan spoke, though he was watching her lips move, listening to the nervous skip of her heartbeat. Once upon a time he could have sweet talked the jealous woman into his bed to make her feel beautiful. But he wasn't that man anymore. Jealousy was foreign to him. He knew only missions. Commands to kill. At the same time, her words had hit him. Despite some things not making complete sense, he felt that he understood her. "You are not the only one struggling to adjust." Bucky offered awkwardly. As if she hadn't known that. "I don't see Ruby. I don't even remember what she looks like any more. All I see when I hear her name is your face. And I know who you are. You and I may have had something in a past life, but neither of us are those people any more. Whatever comes of any of it is us. Bucky and Rowan. There is not Ruby. Natasha was years ago. I'm not the man to be mooning over. I think you know that. There may never be anything more than this, but you have given me something that not even Steve can, and that's unconditional acceptance."

"That's the most I've heard you say." Rowan countered, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"That's the fifth time I've seen you make light of a serious conversation." Bucky retorted.

"Bad habit. I don't deal well with feelings." Rowan admitted. "But uh. Thanks. For being nice, or whatever. I'm not Natasha, but you sure know how to make a girl feel at least half up to her standard."

"You don't see yourself properly." Bucky replied shortly, sipping his beer.

"I see myself perfectly clearly." Rowan argued. "I'm not a beast by any means, but I'm no Black Widow."

"How are your wounds." Bucky asked, taking his turn to change the subject. He had absolutely no idea how to tell this stubborn woman that she was more desirable by far than the mechanical, dishonest redhead. Those were subjects for a different time.

"Don't. Don't even start. I'll have no one else to hang out with if I have to walk away from you." Rowan said, holding up a hand, shooting Bucky a glare. It was the first time she heard his laugh, a sound that melted he heart at the same time as giving her the almost unbearable desire to touch him. To be close to him. In any way that he would let her.

"I guarantee I'm the only one in the house that has the balls to follow you." He retorted, the grin still playing at the corners of his lips.

"I don't think it's anything to do with balls. Not that I doubt yours...or anything " Rowan said, feeling incredibly awkward and very elated at the same time. "I just. I don't know Sam well. Steve feels guilty for everything that happened, and Doc is on thin ice. Or... thickening ice. He's uh. He's my father. But we haven't had much of a familial relationship. Until recently. It's complicated."

"And I'm..."

"You're Bucky." Rowan responded.

"I'm not sure what that means anymore." Bucky responded evenly, his eyes flickering outside.

"I'm not sure what a lot of things mean anymore. We're both learning." Rowan said. "What's with you and the window?"

"I'm not used to being awake. I feel the need to protect this place. It's the first place I've felt at ease. I don't want to lose it." he replied, his gaze still moving easily among the moonlit street.

"I wish I could promise you that you won't lose it." Rowan mused, moving to the edge of the couch, shifting to rest her hip on the leather surface and alleviate some of the pain from her body. Taking a sip, she found herself watching Bucky. Taking in the way his hair almost touched his shoulders, the way the stubble grew in along his well structured jaw. The curve of his lips, knowing exactly how gorgeous he was when he let the wicked, devil's grin touch his perfect mouth. His body was muscular, but not obnoxiously so. There was no question that he could kill with a flick of his wrist, and most certainly had. But there was also the gentle, charming James Barnes swimming just under the surface. It was as if his two personalities were warring with each other, trying to be the one in control. Rowan wished she could help both of them settle in. It wasn't a foreign concept. Her healing abilities and the budding survivalist inside of her were fighting the same fight. It was enough to tear her apart from the inside. Throw the lingering memories of a long dead specter into the mix, and it was a surprise that Rowan was as mentally stable as she was. And stable was a long shot at this point. "I wish that I could promise myself the same thing." she added, trailing off slightly.

"I don't expect promises." Bucky responded.

"I know." Rowan replied. They fell into a companionable silence, Rowan finally settling down to curl into the corner of the leather couch, the spot closest to Bucky. She wasn't sure why, but the closeness was a small comfort. It wasn't the smothering of the other men, the joking demeanor of Tony, nor the sad anger of Bruce. It wasn't the female kinship of Natasha, or even the mentor relationship with Fury. It was just existing on the same plane, a quiet understanding that was difficult to achieve with most other people. Sipping idly on the beer that was warming slowly, she turned her gaze to the blank television screen. Knowing it wasn't long before the rest of the men tentatively returned to the living room, she leaned her torso on the arm of the couch, twisting only slightly to glance at Bucky. "Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know." he responded slowly. "I haven't been around long enough to know anything. My old home is long gone by now. I'd been spending most of my days at the museum. Or libraries. Learning who I was."

"I have a proposition." Rowan said, leaning her chin in her hands, gauging his reaction. "I need someone to train me. And you need somewhere to stay. I've got an extra room or two, and I'm kind of uncomfortable staying alone, undefended."

"You want me to train you?" he asked staring at her face. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? I could kill you."

"And I could slip and fall in the shower and die. Or get hit by a train. Or fall into a shark tank. Waking up in the morning is a risk." Rowan replied. "I don't fear death. If it's my time, it is what it is. I have a better chance of staying alive if you train me than I would continuing to blunder into things without any idea of how to defend myself."

"Ask Steve." Bucky said, after another uncomfortable moment of watching her.

"No. I'm asking you. I don't care about what you _could _do. I need your help." she said.

"Nobody needs my help." he said, a pained anger touching his tone.

"Bullshit. Steve needs your help. You think any of this has been easy for him? You guys can help each other adjust. This team needs you. You're the perfect defense. And not as a tool either. As a person. As Bucky. Mostly, I need you. It sounds crazy, but you're the only one in this house that isn't going to coddle me and treat me like an asylum patient. I need to be trained in combat. You know as well as I do that they're going to refuse. Not because they're afraid to go too far, but because they think I can't handle it. And that's not fair to me. I'm not going to sit here and play damsel. Don't make me beg." Rowan said firmly.

"You could have left it at '_I need you'_" Bucky retorted, a small smile flickering at the edges of his lips. "I kind of like the way that sounds."

"You are a son of a bitch, you know that?" Rowan responded, shaking her head, her unruly hair falling in her face.

"And you're a foul mouthed, pushy, confusing little shit." Bucky retorted, leaning back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he stretched his legs out in front of him. The position looked strange on him. Too relaxed for what he had been through.

"Might as well get used to it, roomie." Rowan retorted with a crooked grin.

"I never agreed." Bucky said, watching her from the corner of his eyes.

"Sure you did. You can't leave little ole me helpless." Rowan said.

"Yes I can." Bucky said, his tone becoming monotonous again as his thoughts trailed to exactly how much damage he could do to her. He pondered a moment, wondering if making the agreement was a good idea. He didn't want the responsibility of another life in his hands when all he knew how to do was snuff the light out. At the same time, he'd hate himself far more than he already did if Rowan was in a situation she couldn't get out of because he refused to help her. The light in her was far too brilliant to allow anyone else to take it away. "Fine." he finally said, turning to look her in the eye. "But if I say we're done, we're done."

"Okay. Which room do you want? I haven't exactly gotten attached to any particular one considering I just acquired this place today." she agreed easily.

"It doesn't matter. Anything is better than a cryostasis capsule." he replied, his eyes drifting back to the window.

After a couple more moments of silence, Sam and Steve joined the two in the living room, eyeing the closeness of the two bodies. It wasn't lost on Steve that Bucky was glancing at Rowan every so often. He still had that part of him in tact. The way he watched women he had interest in. The slight shift of his body toward her, the stillness of held breath when Rowan moved as if in pain. It was different than the way others interacted with her. Steve knew well enough that her healing abilities stretched beyond energy manipulation. Her friendly, yet sarcastic demeanor, her sense of humor, and her all around bright spirit were like drugs to the wounded. Bucky had been drawn like a moth to a flame, and neither of them were completely aware of it yet. Whether he would let her flame warm him or remain frozen was the question. Steve had half the thought that he was already warming up, though only time would really tell.

* * *

_**AN~**_

I'm cranking these out rather quickly.  
Which is good. Less of a wait for you guys, :D  
Hope you're still enjoying your stay  
I only own Rowan  
Thanks for all the reads, faves, views, reviews, as always  
~Hallow


	16. Chapter 16

Rowan glowered at Steve from her spot across from him at the breakfast table. It was just before dawn, in the early hours of the morning when the dark blue still blanketed the sky, the hour before light peeked through at the edges of reality and softly faded into being. It had been a week since Bucky had agreed to stay in the house, with Steve making the same choice. Rowan allowed it, they had years to catch up on, and she felt admittedly safer with two super soldiers in the house. Even if one of said soldiers was teetering the edge between constant violence and normalcy. He was her favorite, if she were playing that game. Another nail had been pounded into the favorite coffin as Bucky hadn't been the one to drag her out of bed insisting that she go on a run at the ass crack of dawn. Steve, however, had played the '_if you want to be trained, you need to be in good physical condition.'_ card. Rowan, of course, was not enthused. On top of being the furthest thing from a morning person, she was not yet completely healed from her battle, and she was in no way, shape or form going to be able to keep up with either of the men in her kitchen.

"Sam's slow too. You'll be fine." Bucky said, holding a black mug with a handle that looked like a small pistol. His shoulder length hair was pulled back into a ponytail with the shorter bits of hair hanging to frame his face. His blue eyes danced with deep amusement at the situation over the rim of the mug as he took a sip of the coffee he had made. He had settled in fairly alright. Rowan knew he wasn't sleeping much, but that was to be expected. When one is forced to sleep for long periods of time, free sleep is undesired. The one time he had tried to catch a couple of hours, he had woke up yelling, freaking the hell out of both Rowan and Steve, the former shouldering the situation and soothing Bucky out of his anxiety with one of her infamous tea blends. Bucky hadn't been enthused at the intrusion, feeling that he was strong enough to deal with the crushing memories on his own. He had to hand it to Rowan though. She had some balls to remain in an enclosed space with an agitated man who could crush her in the blink of an eye.

"Sam has also had military training." Rowan grumbled back, splitting her attention between both of the men, now taking back her favoritism of Bucky.

"You don't need military training to go on a jog, Ro." Steve countered.

"I smoke, and I drink. I don't run." Rowan retorted, her voice still husky from waking.

"Might be a good idea to curb that stuff too." Steve added, his clear eyes watching her, a scolding expression dancing across his features.

"It might be a good idea for you to stop making suggestions. You're pissing me off. Both of you." Rowan snapped, her eyes gathering even more of an aggravated edge, if it were possible.

"You asked me to train you." Bucky added, his hip resting against the kitchen counter as he sipped his coffee.

"You. Not him." Rowan said, pointing at Steve. "The hell is this, "Two-for-Tuesday? Can I opt out?"

"It's going to benefit you more if you have more than one trainer. Sam agreed to help too." Steve said. "And no. You can't opt out. We need you to stick around as long as humanly possible. If we get hurt, we need you. If you get hurt, we're shit out of luck."

"Plus, who'd bombard me with their presence at four a.m. when I'm awake freaking out?" Bucky added dryly.

"Excuse the hell out of me for helping you." Rowan almost snarled, her hatred of mornings sinking in deeper.

Bucky seemed unphased. His tendency to go emotionless when Rowan had an attitude attack was becoming second nature. It wasn't exactly that he _was _emotionless. He just was entirely unsure how to handle the ball of fury and insults when he managed to say something wrong. Even he had to admit he was attracted to her when her eyes burned like fire, her entire being seeming to vibrate with a dangerous energy. It may have been why he tried to push her buttons. No matter how many times he managed to irritate her in the past week, she remained true to her promise to not judge him. It was intriguing to him. Part of him had expected to be coddled when she asked him to stay. To be babied. Rowan had been entirely different than what he expected, and it had created a deep appreciation for her. She didn't coddle. She was sharp of tongue, fiery, and beyond sarcastic. Yet her deep affection for those she cared for showed through beyond anything. Despite his initial misgivings about agreeing to train her, he became far more solid in his choice. He would never be able to live with himself if he let the light of this woman go out. Out of the thousands of lives he had been brainwashed into taking, this was one that he couldn't handle losing. "I wasn't saying it like that, doll." he added, sipping his coffee.

"Right. I'll remember that next time you're drowning in your own guilt." she seethed, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"That would be a threat if I didn't know you better than that." Bucky retorted, knowing he was stoking the fire. "You can't let someone suffer. You don't have it in you."

"I hate you." she retorted. Rowan knew he was right. Especially when it came to him. It had killed her to see Bucky floundering for peace the night she woke to his screaming. She told Steve to let her handle it. And to his credit, he had. She was the expert in anxiety, having dealt with heavy attacks of her own. Dealing with Ruby's lingering affection had made it incredibly hard for her to remain angry with Bucky for any lengthy period of time, and between her past and her present, she was pretty sure she was doomed to fall in love with him. Even if he was the most infuriating man on the planet. As the week had progressed, he had retained more of his old self, the charming Sergeant Barnes. He had also proved to quite enjoy pressing her buttons. "Let me guess. You didn't start any hot water for me after you sullied my coffee pot with coffee."

"On the stove." Bucky replied with a wink.

"For once." Rowan retorted, pushing away from the table, turning her back on the two men as she busied herself making a quick blend to promote energy and vitality. Dropping the mesh screen in her mug as she poured the hot water over it, she stirred loudly for a moment, hoping to get on the nerves of at least one of the gentlemen in the vicinity. With no luck she turned around, sipping the liquid, displaying the bottom of the mug.

"Charming, Doll." Bucky said, his mouth fighting a smirk.

Steve looked up to glance between the two. He wasn't sure who was more childish. Bucky for pushing the woman's buttons, or Rowan's retaliations .Currently, that consisted of glaring at him over her mug of tea, displaying the bottom of it, which had a nice, accurate painting of everyone's favorite finger. Even Steve had to grin at that one. Seeing Bucky relax even this much after the ordeal was comforting, and he knew that it wouldn't have progressed this far without Rowan. She had been wonderful, despite the rough edges. The vibrant personality, mouth of a sailor, and comforting ability were irreplaceable in Bucky's rehabilitation. Steve was actually quite shocked when she had willingly, thoughtlessly took the helm in helping him through his intense bout of PTSD. And in the same blink of an eye reverted back to her sharp-tongued self. Steve remembered vividly the dames Bucky used to aim for, and Rowan was nothing like any of them. "You going to come running?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No." Bucky said, dumping the rest of his coffee down the sink and moving silently out of the kitchen, ruffling Rowan's long hair on the way out.

Rowan moved to re-join Steve at the table. "Fine, but I'm finishing my tea first. And you assholes get to make breakfast when we're back. No eggs though. I hate eggs."

"Sounds fine. Except eggs would help with protein. You need to eat a balanced diet if you expect to get full results from your training." Steve said.

"I'm training to defend myself, not become a female body-builder." Rowan said with a roll of her eyes.

"Fair enough." Steve said with a shrug. "Thank you." he added, watching her with his clear eyes, a grateful expression crossed his features.

Rowan sat back in her chair, staring at him with a brow quirked toward the ceiling. Tucking her legs underneath her in a criss cross pattern, she held her tea in her lap, letting the warmth seep into her skin. "For what?"

"For helping take care of him." Steve revealed, his hands splayed on the table, palms down.

"I'm not doing it for thanks or recognition, Rogers. I'm doing it because it's my thing. He's helped me just as much as I've helped him. It's a lot easier to avoid my problems when I'm healing someone else's. He's infuriating, but I enjoy his company. I was a hermit before the whole ordeal. Now I can't imagine being alone. I'm still disgusted with myself for taking a life. Which is odd, because despite everything Bucky's done... everything he's been through? I still can't shake the deep, growing affection for him. Even though I know it's not a good idea. The heart is not a thing to be tamed." Rowan sighed, leaning forward to put her elbow on the table, raising her mug to her lips thoughtfully. "You call that Agent Carter yet?"

"We're not talking about this." Steve said shortly. He was pleased with her answer, however. He could see that the two of his friends were growing quite fond of each other, it was nice to know Bucky's attachment was not one sided. He'd been through too much to fall for someone now and have his heart obliterated on top of it. Steve had never known Rowan to be much of a dater, despite Tony's odd comments here and there about her college years.

"You're making me go running at the ass crack of dawn. We're talking about whatever I damn well want." Rowan said, a commanding tone entering her voice.

"Are we going yet?" Bucky asked, his body leaning on the archway leading to the kitchen, his eyes lingering on Rowan a second longer than was appropriate, before flickering to Steve. "Sam'll be here in a second."

"And in that second, we're talking about Steve's love life." Rowan said with a sharks grin.

"No. We're not." Steve said shortly.

"You have a dame in mind?" Bucky asked, jumping on Rowan's side.

"No."

"Yes," Rowan corrected. "Her name is Sharon Carter."

Bucky's eyebrows rose as he made and '_oh' _movement with his mouth. Crossing his arms across his broad chest, a small smirk touched his lips. He remembered a woman with the same surname that had caught his friend's interest in the war, Peggy. A pretty brunette agent with a strong, stubborn head. "Any relation to Peggy Carter?"

"Her niece." Steve answered shortly.

"And Peggy's?" Bucky asked, trailing off.

"Ninety-five, in a hospital." Steve replied, wincing.

"Alright. Time to go running!" Rowan replied, standing quickly from the table, abandoning almost half a mug of tea in favor of getting Steve's mind off the past. She wasn't only tied to helping Bucky. She was the healer for everyone. Her emotional sponge tendencies alerted her to any morose moments, and now was definitely shaping up to be one of them. She didn't' want to let Steve's guilt eat him up any more than she would allow Bucky's, and physical activity seemed to be the best remedy. Despite not even remotely wanting to run with them, she would rather give them what they insisted than let the day start with awkward memories.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam and Rowan had formed a stronger bond on morning runs. The young woman was nowhere near up to par with the three men, but Sam was also not up to par with the two super soldiers, who lapped him at least fifteen times per run. Rowan was done after about a lap or two around the vast field that Stephen Strange had found for them to safely work out their pent up energy. Running in public was no longer safe, thanks to Steve's status as Captain America, Sam as the Falcon, and Bucky's association with HYDRA. And all four of them were technically fugitives thanks to the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. The field was quite big enough for the more physically perfect men to get exercise. Another plus was there was a small patch of heavily wooded area, complete with a peaceful pond and a stump, which Rowan retreated to after her few laps of running. She was more intent on meditating during the time the sun rose, perched gracefully on the stump, surrounded by the chirps and snaps of the wildlife around her. It was more refreshing than any sprint through a field could ever be. Meditating, especially in nature, had always been her go-to when she needed a pick up. Sam often joined her when he got tired of the boys lapping him.

"You should quit being so embarrassed." Rowan said one morning, cracking an eye open as the man approached her favored spot.

"You'd be embarrassed too, if you cared enough about running."

"Which I don't. I also know that they're quite a bit more extreme than you or I. Scientifically. It's not your fault. It's kind of not Bucky's either. He didn't ask for it. Regardless, they're super soldiers. Mere men couldn't ever hope to keep up with them. And a lazy woman like me. Ha." she said with a laugh, sitting up straight to stretch her back.

"Still. Hurts the ego, you know?" Sam replied, frowning and wiping the sweat from his forehead. "That water safe to drink?"

"If you like tadpoles." Rowan smirked, taking a deep breath and tilting her head. "Ego shouldn't be a thing anymore, Sam. You're just as important as they are. You can fly. They can't. That gives you a leg up."

"I'll wait." the man said with a frown. "Every man has ego." he added, lowering himself to the ground, leaning his back against a nearby tree.

"Mm. I know. You forget, one of my closest friends is Tony Stark. I'm quite familiar with ego. Hanging out with you guys it refreshing. Though I love Tony." she said with a small grin. "What I'm trying to say is that you're never going to notice any improvement in yourself if you're focusing on keeping pace with them. Ego can be damaging."

"Yes, all knowing madam mystic." Sam replied sarcastically. "And what about you? What are you trying to be?"

"More able to take care of myself than I am now." Rowan said, unfolding one leg and dangling it over the edge of the stump in a familiar position. Her hands ran gently along the surface of the rings on the inside of the stump, absorbing some of the tree's lingering energy. "I don't like depending on people."

"Why? They depend on you." Sam said. "seems like a fair trade to me."

"I don't want to be a burden. In the field. If there's ever another incident..which, let's face it, probably will be. I don't want to be a distraction in war. I don't want to be the damsel in distress or a reason someone glanced away from their target for even a second. I don't want to be the one they worry about. They can depend on me. I like feeling needed. What I don't like is feeling weak." Rowan said. "I would never be able to live with myself if I was the cause of the death of any of you."

Sam was silent for a moment before glancing sidelong at the girl. "You're pretty brave."

"I'm not. Just crazy." Rowan said, offering a smile.

"Any woman who willingly invites the Winter Soldier into her home is definitely a nutcase." Sam replied with a laugh.

"Bucky." Rowan warned. "His name is Bucky. Haven't you gotten over the whole "pulled you out of the sky" thing yet? I know for a fact Tony repaired your wings. Bucky wasn't himself. You need to let it go."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were head over heels for the guy." Sam countered.

"Me? No. My soul, yes. Which probably doesn't make much sense. I'm finding it difficult to separate the two. Especially as of late. Spending all of this time with him, watching him heal. Letting him get to know me." Rowan trailed off, her voice soft.

"Soul is you. Despite past lives. It's going to be easier on you if you just admit it to yourself." Sam offered.

"Easier on me, maybe. Probably not on him. I'm not in the market for a relationship." Rowan retorted.

"But you found love in a hopeless place." Sam retorted with a goofy grin.

"If you ever quote that song to me again, I will falcon punch you in the throat." Rowan threatened, though a grin was playing at her lips as her eyes danced in amusement.

"Noted." the man replied, a nod accenting his words. "I think Barnes'd surprise you, girly. It's evident that he cares for you. He's been intrigued by you since we brought him in. It's grown."

"Into a friendship."

"Or more. You won't know till you bring it up." Sam encouraged.

"Not going to happen. It's not appropriate." Rowan said. "He has enough on his plate."

"So do you."

"I always do. If I don't have a to-do list at least fifty items long, I'm not functioning properly." Rowan retorted. "Even now, I need to stop by my father's place on the way back home to grab some things I'll need for a full moon ritual, I need to get groceries because you assholes eat like a couple of elephants, and then I need to train with Bucky. On top of all that, I have some research to do on reincarnation and sorcery, I have a meeting at Avengers tower, and then I have to do a bunch of other stupid shit."

"All today?" Sam asked, his eyes widened.

"Yes." Rowan replied.

"Damn. Women are crazy." he said in awe.

"Mmhm. Usually." Rowan agreed. From the grass beside the stump she was perched on, her new, Stark tech phone began blaring a terribly boring noise. She hadn't figured out how to put her own flair on the phone, and Tony refused to help her, saying the songs she picked were tacky and out of date. Determined to break down his defenses, she made a mental note to find a way to make him help her. Frowning at the screen, she tilted her head at the number scrawled across the screen. She didn't recognize it as any of the people she knew, and she had to wonder who had gotten the number. It was for trusted individuals only. Especially since her fugitive status was still solidly in place. "Hello?" she asked cautiously into the microphone piece.

"Miss Flynn? Phil Coulson. I've been given your number by a mutual friend." the voice on the other end was professional, yet friendly.

"Would that friend by any chance be a tall dark man, affinity for leather dusters, thought to be dead?"

"That's him. I hear you're staying with Captain America and his old friend Bucky Barnes." Phil said, his voice holding a hopeful tone. "I'd like to arrange a meeting."

"You heard correctly. Before you make any further comments, Barnes is safe. He's recovering at a remarkable rate, considering." Rowan defended prematurely. "I'm up for a meeting. It's my house, so they have no choice but to agree."

"Well. Last I knew, Cap thought I was dead. Fury's adept at webs of lies." Coulson said, seeming to weigh his words.

"His secrets have secrets. I'm familiar." Rowan agreed.

"You were one of his team of agents. Considerably younger than most he accepts onto the team. You're only what, twenty..."

"Twenty-five. He grabbed me for my healing abilities." Rowan finished for him.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about T.A.H.I.T.I. would you?" Coulson asked.

"A bit. I know it's dangerous. What time you want to meet. We can talk about it then."

"This afternoon sound good? I have a lot I need to go over, and I need to know I can trust you before I make any big revelations." he replied.

"That sounds suspicious. I'd tell you to trust me, but actions speak louder than words, and after everything that just happened, I understand your view. How do I know you're not HYDRA? Coming to my house to take Bucky. Because if that's the case, I don't care who the fuck you are, I will fight you." Rowan threatened, knowing her use of a sailors vocabulary was highly unprofessional. She felt, however, that it got her point across.

"I would rather die than join HYDRA." Coulson responded.

"Fair enough. I'll see you about... one-o-clock?" she offered, figuring it would give her enough time to train with Bucky and the boys, take a shower, and feed herself before getting to business.

"Sounds good. See you then. Oh. Will Captain America be there?" Coulson asked.

"Er.. yeah. He lives there." Rowan said, unsure how to respond to the strange, childlike excitement in the man's voice.

"Excellent."

With that, the call was ended, leaving Rowan staring in slight confusion at her phone. What was it with agents and leaving out a goodbye? Fury had always done that to her, hung up before she could say farewell. Coulson seemed considerably more friendly that Fury, though no less hardwired to the cause. out of her peripheral vision, she noticed Steve and Bucky standing a few feet away, Steve's chest heaving as he bent over slightly to stretch his spine as Bucky plucked an ear-bud from his ear and pocketed it. He had taken a strong liking to a lot of the music Rowan played around the house, music that ranged anywhere from mellow rock to heavy metal. Sometimes she'd have meditative pipes and drums, or even a particular pop musician. Bucky had quite enjoyed the harder tunes, insisting he make her a list for his runs. Stark had taken a liking to the cybernetic-limbed man, trading a fancy Stark tech, augmented mp3 player for permission to study the arm's technology. Whatever deal they had made, Bucky got his portable music device, and Rowan agreed to put music on it for him.

"You're getting awfully protective, doll." Bucky said, moving to perch next to her on the only small slice of tree trunk left exposed. Rowan moved to give him a little more room, which he easily took.

"Not getting. Always was. We have a meeting today." she said, glancing from Bucky to Steve. "Phil Coulson. Says he's got a lot to go over with us. Specifically asked if you'd be there."

"Coulson is dead." Steve said, his hackles visibly raising. Clearly he thought it was some trick, that they'd been found out. Bucky was immediately on guard, his body tensing, his eyes going cold.

"Ah, no he isn't. Long story short, Fury pulled some strings. Not really all that surprising. It is in his tastes, wouldn't you say?" Rowan said. "That's not my story to tell, anyway. Ask Coulson. I'm sure he'd be happy to answer any and all questions. He seems rather enthralled with you. I'm curious to see how he'll take to meeting Bucky."

"He has trading cards." Steve said dryly.

"Aw. Did you sign them?" Rowan asked, a wide grin spreading on her face. "I want a trading card made of me." she added with a pout.

"Never got the chance. Loki killed him." Steve said, his tone serious.

"Well. He's not dead. And he's headed to the pad for a meeting. Maybe you can give him some autographs." Rowan said, her grin never faltering.

"Oh, Rowan." Sam piped up, standing from his spot and brushing himself off. "It's not a trading card, but uh. There were these pictures going around a couple of squadrons. Pin-up girls. I knew I recognized you from somewhere."

Rowan's head whipped toward the man, eyes widening in supreme shock. She could feel the flabbergasted stares of Bucky and Steve on her like a thousand pounds of awkward. Backpedaling in her mind to the images he could be referring to, she pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. "Which ones?"

"Ah, black lace, red heels. You were younger, but not by much. Kept plenty of soldiers company." he offered with a sharks grin.

"Shut up. Just. I had to help a friend out in his photography classes. He got such a good grade on them that he sold some of the images to some websites. Gave me half the money. Helped pay my rent for a couple months before graduation." Rowan grumbled. "At least they were appreciated."

"Oh of course. Who wouldn't appreciate a beautiful girl like you all scantily clad?" Sam said.

"I'm interested in seeing these images." Steve said, his discomfort at hearing Coulson was alive dissipated for a moment.

"I second that." Bucky said, his head tilted back so he could watch the girl out of the corner of his eyes. "S'been a good several decades since I saw a good old fashioned pin-up."

"You've seen Natasha naked. I think that more than makes up for it." Rowan retorted, standing briskly to trek out of her favorite spot, leaving the men in her wake. She wasn't going to discuss the images any more. Sam was lucky she hadn't punched him for that. Part of her was incredibly flattered that the images had gotten around and even been valued. Another part was embarrassed. She wasn't that little girl anymore, and she had too many scars to be proud of her body. Especially after getting to know Nat. That woman was gorgeous. The final bit of herself was concerned for her personal safety. Had S.H.I.E.L.D. known about the pictures? Surely they would have had to. Fury knew everything. If she was hired regardless, she supposed it didn't matter much. Still, awkward. Knowing she hung out with someone who had seen a picture of her scantily clad, and knowing Director Fury had probably also seen those images made her slightly uncomfortable.

* * *

_**AN~**_

Little bit more fluffies before we get to some more good stuff.  
I hope you're still strapped in for the ride :D  
I'm trying to keep up with myself here, I've got chapters written that I need to go over.  
Regardless, I'm super super super happy that I'm getting such an outpouring of love for this.  
Thank you guys for the reviews (Especially the reveiws), the faves and follows.  
You're all wonderful  
As always, Rowan is the only one that I own.

Hallow


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky was amused far more than he should have been during his training session. He knew he should take training seriously. Especially since he often had to fight off the urge to mentally shut down himself. To turn back into the chilled, lethal assassin that he had spent years as. Rowan seemed to be putting more energy into it than she usually did, venturing into landing blows rather than just remaining poised or dodging. She landed a good couple of them, too, hits that stung despite his jacked up strength. Something had seriously riled her up, and he had half a guess that it was probably the mention of the pictures of her floating around. For the first minutes of the session, he had wanted to call it off altogether, his own rage building inside of him like a coiled snake ready to strike. Other men had seen her in her unmentionables. Multiple men. He considered cancelling and training with Steve, a man who he was certain could take a good couple hundred blows from him. They were equally matched in nearly every column, Rowan was too fragile for his rage. Yet the second he saw that fury dancing in her amber eyes, he knew that he was not the only one pissed off. He also knew that he'd remain, letting her pretend she was tough.

Except she was getting there. She fought like an enraged animal. Not just a pissed off little house cat, but a large, angry jaguar. She stalked, the rage dancing around her like armor, the honey golden eyes burning holes in him. If looks could kill, he'd have been dead a thousand times over. When she danced within reaching distance of him, he could smell the lingering musky scent of incense threaded through her hair, letting it sink into his senses before she landed a solid punch to his gut. Air left him, surprise at her strike filled his features before he slammed his cold mask in place and resumed the training. Feelings were getting in the way already. When she moved to strike again, her wrist was quickly encased in his metal digits as he moved to corner her in the basement training area. Strange had promptly made the addition to the home after he found out Bucky and Steve would be living there. He wasn't entirely sure what Rowan's problem was, as having a sorcerer for a father was extremely convenient. Then again, he still didn't understand the way sorcery worked. His old fashioned mind set had not changed that much in his years under control of he Soviets, and god knew who else he had been used by. The memories came in fragments.

Watching her chest heave under the thin grey tank top that encased her torso, Bucky couldn't help but grin down at her. She wasn't struggling against his grip, but her eyes burned hotter. He could almost feel the angry heat seeping from her form as she fought to steady her breathing. He hadn't taught her to break from any holds. Yet. It was next on his list. This had gone outside training, this was personal now. After a moment of calm, steady breaths, with no words exchanged, he loosened his grip only slightly, but that was enough. Rowan slipped through is grasp, throwing her shoulder and entire body weight into his gut, toppling both of them over. The young woman wasn't exactly heavy, and Bucky was far from light himself, but Rowan managed to knock them both down all the same. She was up and poised again within seconds. If her body's injuries were bothering her at all, she wasn't giving any indication. Seconds after she was on her feet, Bucky was as well, standing still enough while she paced around him like an animal. Oh, she was angry, still so angry. Bucky was feeling a deep need to get to the bottom of it. "What's wrong, doll?" he prodded.

"Shut up and train me, Barnes. I didn't come down here for a chat." she snipped, blowing a strand of hair from her face, the rest of her long, dark silken hair in a loose ponytail, skimming down her back,

"This isn't training. You're attacking like I've just kicked your dog." he said in response, turning his body to follow her.

"If you'd have kicked my dog, I would have killed you." she replied.

"You wouldn't be able to." he said evenly. It was the truth. He'd been going incredibly easy on her. She may have killed a HYDRA agent, but that was either pure luck or terrible combat training on the part of the dead man.

"Maybe not in hand-to-hand combat. But I'm more than capable of poisoning a sonovabitch." she replied with a sick grin. "Become familiar with enough herbs, you learn real quick which ones aren't safe. And which ones aren't detectable."

"That a threat?" Bucky asked, feeling strangely elated that she was revealing this side of her. It showed him that she wasn't as zen as she led everyone to believe. Her twisted nature had been forced to the front. He was enjoying it a little too much.

"Hardly. Just a heads up." she retorted, her eyes locked on his.

"Noted." Bucky responded, his lips curling into a grin. "You're usually not this testy. Someone piss in your morning tea?"

"No. Someone brought up shit that I didn't want brought up." she replied, dashing toward him. In a matter of a second, he had her pinned to the floor, a wrist in each of his hands, his considerably larger body straddling her. Her eyes were shocked for a second before she tried to rip her arms free. "Let me go."

"No. You need to learn to break free of holds. Consider this a crash course." he said, shaking his head, his eyes dancing with entertainment.

"I give, alright. I'm done. Training isn't helping me shake this." she grumbled.

"Are you really done, or are you going to attack me when I release you?" He asked.

"Jury's out." she retorted, willing herself to relax.

"Fair enough." he said, tilting his head into a quick shrug before moving from her. He stood, holding out his metal arm for her to take. One of the things he noticed of her frequently was that the appendage didn't give her any second thought. Even Steve stared at it when he thought Bucky wasn't looking, guilt taking over his features. Rowan, however, was entirely unphased. She took it, letting Bucky haul her to her feet. He watched her carefully as she brushed imaginary dust from her pants, rolling her shoulders back.

"I'm good. I have to hop in the shower before Coulson gets here." she said, her tone as even as she could manage to get it. She turned on her heel, heading for the door, but Bucky was too quick for her. Grabbing her wrist in his hand, he spun her to face him a fraction of a second before he crashed his lips violently onto hers. He could feel her freeze in his grip, before relaxing slightly, then reacting fiercely. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingers twining in his hair, pulling lightly. A small growl escaped him as he picked her up, backing her onto a table, giving him better access to her mouth. The second she nipped his lower lip, he knew he was in deep trouble, and that they might not even be present for the meeting with Coulson. Rowan, however, seemed to have better control than he did, pressing a hand to his chest and pushing lightly. "As much as I'd love for this to continue, It may not be a good idea."

"And why's that?" Bucky asked, his body still firmly planted between her legs, his hands on her hips. He could feel the body heat rising from both of their forms.

"Because I'm all sorts of pissed off, and I don't know what you're aiming for. You sleep with all of the women you train?" Rowan snarked.

"Kitten's got claws." Bucky retorted, staring into her eyes. A jab that should have hurt only pushed him further into wanting to lock the door and keep her there. "It's pretty evident what I'm aiming for." he growled. "And if I remember correctly, you were the one who asked me to train you. I think it's you who wants more from me."

"Hardly. I need to learn to defend myself. Making out with you isn't defending myself. Move." she said, her eyes burning with something strange.

"And if I don't?" he countered.

"Then I guess I'm stuck here." she said, realistically weighing the situation. "Look. I have feelings for you. I wasn't going to say anything. And then Sam brought up the pictures, and you had to make a comment, and then I remembered that you were involved with one of the hottest women I know. Then I remembered that I will never amount to what she is. And _then_ it bothered me. Even if you saw the pictures, I don't compare to Natasha."

Bucky almost had to laugh, but instead, he forcefully took her lips again, moving his mouth against hers until he knew she wasn't going to make him stop. "You need." he spoke in a low growl, pausing the kiss for a moment, "To stop comparing yourself to Romanov." he added after pecking her again, lowering his mouth from hers to her jawline, placing a kiss, then a small bite. "If I wanted to be with Romanov, there's not a lot stopping that relationship now." he spoke, his breath fanning across her skin. "Think about that while you're showering." he added with a last nip of her jaw as he backed off. He watched her reaction through dancing blue eyes. He watched her go from pliant to spitting mad within a matter of seconds.

"Bastard." Rowan snipped, before sliding from the table and moving toward the door.

"Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave." Bucky said, a smirk plastered on his face. The quote had been picked up from somewhere he didn't remember, and at the time, he didn't get it. Not until he watched the way Rowan's hips swayed when she moved, the curves of her body only accentuated by the form-fitting exercise clothes. He had to laugh when she shot him a finger before shutting the door with a snap. The feeling of success he had was unbreakable. Rowan had gotten under his skin before he had time to block her out or build walls. She had pulled him out of a dark existence with memories of his former life and the effect his death had on someone he had once loved. She had shown him unending kindness, become a friend even. Offered no judgement for all of the lives he had taken. Allowed both he and Steve to stay in her house despite her continuous comments about hating people and preferring to be alone. She had known his soul deeper than any other human should be allowed. And yet until this incident, she had remained behind a wall of her own. A wall that Bucky had been relentlessly trying to figure out how to knock down. It wasn't for the mere challenge of it. He genuinely cared for her. And it bugged him to let a person know his heart, to fall in love with that person, and to not be able to see into her heart. Sure, he could see she was a vibrant, shining soul. A truly good person, and a healer that helped more than just him. But she was more than that. There were things she was hiding, things that were hurting her. He had heard her mention as much to Steve the first morning they took her on a run. Her mention of avoiding things becoming easier while caring for another had bothered him. He was glad he could help her in that way at least, though it wasn't good enough. He wanted to be a rock for her as much as she was for him. If it weren't' for his excellent hearing, he would have missed that statement. And the part about her growing feelings for him. It had been that statement that told him that he could get her to open up to him. What he wasn't expecting was the inability to stop when he had finally kissed her.

Perhaps she had been right in saying it wasn't a good idea. Most, if not all of her friends were suspicious around him. They stole clandestine glances, making sure he wasn't about to pounce. It hadn't bothered him much, he didn't blame them. He was lethal and often teetered on the edge of violence. Little things could very well set him off. He wasn't healed, not completely. And he never would be. He was too conscious now to ever forget the things that had been done to him. The memories of what he had done were still seeping in. When he slept, the dreams painted a pretty bloody picture of all of the lives he had taken. He had woken up in cold sweats, knowing they were not mere dreams, but past events. That made everything worse. Dreams you could wake up from. These things were as much a part of him as his shining metal arm. Things that took away what he once was and made him into a monster. And still, the beautiful healer remained. Her face never once holding the fear of what he could do to her. Never once having second thoughts or pity. Just being there. And through all of that, what made it worse, was her insistence that she was not as good as Natasha. Not as capable, not as beautiful, not as interesting. Bucky let out a silent, almost pained laugh, the walls absorbing the sarcastic sound. Rowan could never compare to Natasha. She was right. But that was because Rowan was far more extraordinary than the Black Widow. Bucky just wanted to make her see that, make her see her the way he did. 

* * *

_**AN~  
**Hey everyone!  
__It's been a couple of days, and for that, I'm sorry.  
__I've been really busy working on some commissions, so I haven't had time to edit any chapters.  
__Hopefully this one was kind of worth the wait? :P  
__I only own Rowan. Everyone else is Marvel  
__As always, thanks for the reads, views, faves, follows, and reviews.  
__You're all wonderful 3  
_~_Hallow_


	19. Chapter 19

Rowan spent the entirety of her shower seething. Prior to that day, the runs and combat training had exhausted her, almost to the point where a nap was necessary by 10a.m. Naps that she gladly partook in, regardless of whatever else was going on in the house at the time. Generally, it was Steve and Sam trying to get Bucky up to date on things in the current world. Sometimes it was Bucky avoiding everyone in favor of holing up in the basement combat room. Steve often joined him, while Sam spent his time reading whatever book he had chosen at the time. Which usually resulted in him asking a ton of questions that Rowan couldn't answer. Today, however, Sam had brought up something that she had wished remained in the past. And then Bucky... Bucky had pinned her and kissed her. Ravaged would have been a better word for it, but the more Rowan thought about it, the more flustered she became. She felt the familiar burn of a creeping blush in her cheeks as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in the gigantic fluffy purple towel sitting on the counter. Glancing in the mirror, she could see how flushed she actually looked. At least for the time being, she could blame it on a too-hot shower. Stepping out of the bathroom, she peeked down the hall, making sure no one would stop her. While they didn't normally bother her, she felt like her world had been flipped upside down within a span of a couple of hours. Ever stoic Bucky had heatedly kissed her. It wasn't something she had expected, despite the figurative thawing progress he had made so far. What bothered her more was that she wanted it. That shouldn't have happened. Rowan had never been one to seek out dates. Boyfriends were something she didn't have time for, and she was pretty sure Bucky wasn't the dinner-and-a-movie kind of guy. Not now. Whatever he had been in the past, however much of a ladies man, he was not that anymore. It had surprised the healer, if she were honest with herself. She hadn't been aware they had made quite _that _much progress. In fact, up until that point, the only contact her and the assassin had was combat training and the occasional bump into each other. They shared a home, but Bucky was still leery of human contact. And yet... Thinking about it made her head hurt.

Padding through the hall on bare feet, she almost made it to her room before a voice stopped her. "What time is Coulson getting here?" it was Steve, sitting straight backed at his computer, turned slightly to face his open doorway.

"One. Any other questions, Captain Awkward?" Rowan snarked, dropping one hand down to indicate she was not exactly decent to be having hallway conversations. Leave it to Steve to stop her when she was in a towel. It was just one of those days.

"Ah, no ma'am." Steve retorted, a slight blush creeping into his face. At least Rowan wasn't the only one walking around looking like a damned lobster.

"Thanks." she muttered, moving into her room, shutting the door with an audible click. Her honey golden eyes drifted to the clock by her bedside, reading the time. Wrinkling her nose, she mentally scolded herself for taking too long in the shower. Mostly because she had wanted to avoid humanity for a little while. '_Don't even lie to yourself. You wanted to avoid Bucky. Don't know why, that boy definitely didn't forget how to kiss a girl in his seventy year stupor.' _Sweet Jesus. Rowan's subconscious was being a damned trollop if there ever was one. With a solid shake of her head, she dropped her towel to step into her undergarments, cute little black and purple numbers. Mostly lace. Even if the day had been strange, she still needed to feel slightly normal. Cute underwear made her feel normal. '_I wonder what Bucky would think...' _"No. Gods be damned. No." Rowan snipped out loud at the path her own thoughts were taking. She had to get this under control before everything blew up. Now was not the time to figure out what was going on.

A couple of steps took her to her stereo, her fingers flipping on some death metal to drown out her wandering thoughts. She finished dressing herself in a scoop neck, long sleeved black shirt and slightly flared black jeans. Pulling her beloved black low top chuck taylors onto her feet, she turned to the mirror above her desk. Flicking the desk lamp on for better lighting, she set to putting on her makeup. The red lips were expertly in place in a matter of a minute, her eyeliner swooped out at the end. She had gone a little darker with the shadow, and had even done some highlighting of her cheekbones, as well as a dab of light blush. When she was satisfied with her own appearance, she set to getting her mass of hair under control. Fishtail braids took her a little while, but they looked more polished than a normal, lazy braid. When her fingers were protesting at the amount of little weaving on her waist length hair, she put a small rubber hair tie in and stood, rolling her shoulders back to take in her appearance. With a quick flick of her wrist, the long, carefully plaited hair dangled over one shoulder, the end almost reaching her hip bone. From the mirror, a beautiful young woman stared back at her. It wasn't the soft-eyed, caring girl of a month ago. This girl was different. The soft edge was gone. In it's place was a glowing blaze, a fierce, pretty warrior. She had been through too much to remain the reclusive, people hating healer. Now was time to grow up and learn to be a part of something bigger.

A knock on the front door snapped her out of the staring contest she was holding with herself. She was surprised she had heard the door in the first place, her stereo was relentlessly shaking the floor with double bass and wailing guitars. Guttural growls filled the room at enough of a volume to drown out just about everything else. With a huff, she turned the music off and stepped out of her room. As she passed Steve's corner of the house, she raised a brow at the two men inside. "Too good to answer the door?" she asked, staring down Steve and avoiding the smug gaze of Bucky.

"Figured you'd want to welcome him." Steve said, his eyes telling her he knew exactly what had wound her up in the first place. And she thought girls were the gossips. _Men._

As she opened the door to reveal a man in his late fourties, maybe early fifties with a friendly smile and sparkling eyes, she couldn't help but offer a smile in return. "Coulson?"

"Yes ma'am. Need to see a badge?" he replied, moving to dig in his inner jacket pocket.

"No need. This house is warded against people who mean me harm. Being the kid of a sorcerer has it's perks." She said with a wry smile. "Come on in." she added, stepping aside to let the man pass. As soon as she shut the door behind him, she led him into the kitchen, where the men had taken spots around the table. As she entered, the lot of them stood, introducing themselves to Phil, who looked positively radiant as he shook Steve's hand. "Alright, Now that introductions have been made, Mr. Coulson, would you like anything to drink? We've got tea, I'm sure Bucky's got coffee on..."

"Call me Phil. And Coffee sounds good." he said with a friendly smile.

"You got it" Rowan replied, setting about moving to get a mug.

"Grab me a cup too, doll?" she heard Bucky request from behind her.

"You're lucky there's important company." she grumbled, hoisting herself up onto the counter to pull the more 'company friendly' mugs down from the back of the cupboard. Most of the other ones had colorful language or questionable imagery. She was pretty sure Coulson wouldn't appreciate a mug that said "fuck mornings" in bright red lettering. When she found some decent, plain black mugs, she dropped down off the counter, making quick work of pouring the coffees. Knowing Bucky preferred his black, she set it in front of him, the way he let his fingers brush hers in the process of taking it not lost on her. "How do you take yours?" she asked Coulson, holding out the mug, pointedly ignoring Bucky.

"Oh, black is fine." he replied. "When was the last time you spoke to Director Fury?"

"Down to business then. Not since the hospital before we went to hunt for Bucky. Why?" Rowan asked.

"Just making sure this news hasn't already been announced." Coulson replied with a shrug. "He's passed on the job of Director to me. I'm rebuilding S.H.I.E.L.D. from the ground up. Everything's been wiped clean. We don't know how many agents were double, and there's not a lot of people I can trust. I have my team, and we have the Avengers. Outside of that, I'm still trying to find the people that are worth bringing on board."

"My brief stint in a HYDRA basement project aside, I assure you I have been loyal to Fury since the beginning. I won't say S.H.I.E.L.D. because we know how that turned out. But if you'll have me, I'm in." Rowan said, her professional voice snapping into place. "I was a healer, and I still am, predominantly. But I am willing to work in the field too, if you need me there."

"I was hoping you'd say that." Coulson replied. He looked almost apologetic as the words left his mouth.

"I don't like the feelings I'm getting from you." Rowan said suspiciously.

"We'll get to that in a minute." Coulson replied sipping the coffee, his eyes landing on the men around the table. "I don't think I have to ask you where your loyalties lie, Cap. Mr. Wilson, you fought valiantly at the Triskelion. I would be honored if you joined the cause as well."

"I'm in." Sam replied easily.

"Sergeant Barnes. That leaves you. I know you probably aren't keen on joining any organizations, but I assure you, we are not HYDRA. The choice is yours." Coulson said.

"I won't take orders anymore. Not from anyone. But as long as your cause and my desires run parallel, I'm not your enemy." Bucky responded, his cold facade snapped fully in place.

"And if they don't?" Coulson asked, darkly.

"I'm sure you'll follow protocol." Bucky said.

"Indeed. Let's hope it doesn't get to that." Coulson replied, apparently content with Bucky's answer. "I have some documents I think you may enjoy. Information on the Howling Commandos. You're mentioned almost as much as Cap himself. Stuff that won't fit in the Smithsonian. Things only S.H.I.E.L.D. can get their hands on." the man said, pulling a file from his inner jacket and sliding it across the table to Bucky.

Bucky stared from the man's face to the file, lifting his chrome arm to set his fingers on the file and pull it toward him. Coulson's gaze dropped to the metal limb for a fraction of a second before lifting to Bucky's face. Bucky caught the glance and offered a small sarcastic grin. "Don't worry. Your Stark shorted any tracers."

"Very good. And It wasn't that. We recently just cleared out a Cybertek lab full of super soldiers and cybernetic technology. Looks like they were trying to get government approval to carry on with the process. These super soldiers were... not like you two. They were more command oriented, no free thought. Able to be programmed to a mass computer command." Coulson said. "Fury helped clear it out before passing the job of director to me. It wasn't pretty. HYDRA had it's claws deep. I don't think that was the only lab."

"I'm quite familiar with commands and the inner workings of HYDRA's super soldiers." Bucky replied coldly.

"My apologies." Coulson said.

"You said there were more of them? The soldiers?" Rowan interjected, shooting an apologetic glance to Bucky, the first genuine emotion she had shown him since the incident during training.

"Yes. Quite a few, actually." Coulson replied, a small frown on his face.

"You happen to get any files or anything before you left?" she pushed.

"Better. We have some of the scientists that worked in the building. Still alive, though contained. They weren't bad men. Joined due to some incentives package, though I don't think releasing them into the world is a good idea. Either they'd take the knowledge they have and use it, or they'd get killed by remaining double agents."

"Probably best to keep them contained. If you don't mind, I'd like to speak with these people. When I went into the basement with Pierce to heal Bucky, he took me into an office. Later, I had the help of Strange in grabbing the files. All super soldier stuff. I have names, process, failures. Everything. If we can match any of these people up, maybe we can work with the soldiers." Rowan said.

"Not everyone can be fixed, Rowan." Bucky said, watching her. "Your ideas are noble, but most of these guys don't have any humanity left. You got lucky with me. That's not going to be the case again." he said.

"You don't know that." she said.

"I do. You think I remember anything outside orders? A life? Friends? There is nothing. HYDRA doesn't allow anything outside what they want. They make the orders, the super soldiers follow them. The end. If they're putting these guys in cryostasis outside missions like they did with me, their memories are just as wiped. HYDRA made the mistake of sending me after Steve. Steve feels too much. And then you..."

"Okay. Point made. But we can't just let these guys keep going. That's cruel." Rowan argued.

"You have too much of a heart." Bucky said, shaking his head.

"Apparently you don't have enough of one." she shot back.

"I have a heart, I'm just being realistic." Bucky said, shooting her an almost sympathetic look. He knew where her thoughts were going, and he hated that she wanted to heal everyone. He turned his cold blue gaze to Coulson. "You need help taking these guys in, you're not going to find a better person to do it than me."

"I thought you didn't take orders." Coulson shot back.

"Consider it a thank you for giving me a means to learn more about the man I used to be." Bucky responded, tapping one finger on the folder Coulson had given him.

"Oh. No thanks necessary. I was a big fan, grew up on stories of the Howling Commandos. You guys were heroes. It's an honor to meet you, Sergeant." Coulson said, sounding almost sheepish.

"I'm no hero. Not anymore." Bucky replied, unsure how to handle this strange man. "But I will help you get this Super Soldier problem under control. As long as I get to take out some HYDRA personnel along the way." he added with a predators grin.

"I would expect nothing less. We know that a lot of the scientists that were working at the Triskelion were also splitting their time with Cybertek. Seems the things they learned about you were being current tests run on these new ones. If they live, we'll find them. I'm not the type to send a guy to his death, but I understand this is quite personal. You have my word that the new S.H.I.E.L.D. members will not stop you. It's been personal for all of us." Coulson said sadly.

"Whats' the first step then?" Rowan asked, when she was done watching Bucky for a reaction. He seemed contented with Coulson's words. He may not be willing to take orders, but it was a step in the right direction. Rowan knew he wanted to do the right thing.

"We need to find and smoke out all of the possible offices and labs that any double agents could have taken over. My team and I have our hands full, unfortunately. There was a break in at the raft, a highly respected S.H.I.E.L.D. director turned out to be HYDRA, took a lot of really dangerous things from a top secret, heavily guarded facility. We need to work on getting those back in custody. If you're free to travel, In about a week, I can give you a team to help. I'm in the process of sorting through who's still on the right side of the fence." Coulson said.

"I can travel. What kinds of offices are we referring to?" Rowan asked.

"Could be labs with tech. Anything that S.H.I.E.L.D. had their hands in, really. I've got a folder full of locations back at HQ. I also have a favor to ask." he said, his eyes dropping.

"Name it."

"In the last blowout we had, an agent of mine was badly injured. He's lucky to be alive, really. But he almost didn't make it. Long story short, he was trapped in a capsule underwater, and when the miraculously got out, he lost a lot of oxygen in his brain. He's alive, but we're not sure what kind of recovery he's going to make. My agents are important to me, I've been through hell with this team. They're still young. If there's any way you can take a look at him, maybe work your magic? I'd be extremely grateful." he said, the sadness and concern in his eyes were heartbreaking.

"Of course. The sooner we get that done, the better chance he has of making a full recovery." Rowan said, feeling the crushing weight of Coulson's concern wash over her. With a wince, she snapped her mental shields in place, scolding herself for forgetting to put them up in the first place. "I think we should all become familiar with each other anyway, if we're to be working together."

"With all due respect, I'm not sure everyone needs to go." Coulson said, a wince touching him, his eyes pointedly avoiding Bucky.

"Regardless of Bucky's disinterest in becoming a full fledged member of your new team, He's still a good man. A man who I've become accustomed to having at my back. I trust him, and I take full responsibility for anything that may or may not go down." Rowan said, also pointedly avoiding the blue eyed assassin's eyes. She knew how he felt about her repeatedly sticking up for him.

"I second that." Steve threw in. "I believe in Bucky. Plus, if anything happens, we need to know where everyone is. There's few enough of us as it is. He's proved that he's not HYDRA's man. He belongs to no one but himself."

"I'm capable of defending myself." Bucky replied monotonously. His face was a mask of impasse, though his eyes were fixed solid on Rowan.

"I know. But in this organization, it doesn't hurt to have someone to stick up for you." Steve said with a small smile toward his friend.

"Fair enough." Bucky responded, continuing to watch his healer.

"Whenever you're ready, then. Bring the files on the soldiers and we can get to work. Unless you had anything else going on today." Coulson said, his eyes landing on each person. Sam shoot his head, Bucky remained still, and Steve offered a gesture that suggested that he was free.

"Let me grab a few things and we can be off." Rowan replied, excusing herself from the room to retreat to her own lair. She took a moment to grab her beloved brown leather satchel, packing it with as many healing catalysts she could find, as well as the stack of files Doctor Strange had grabbed for her. She wasn't sure she was ready to be back in the fold, but it beat the hell out of standing idly around, waiting for the next shoe to drop. At least this way, she was in the loop. Coulson seemed like a nice enough man, and he seemed to value her healing ability as much as Fury had. While she didn't know where Fury was, she knew he was alive and well, probably pulling the strings from somewhere else. That was the thing about Fury. You never knew where he was, but he always, _always _knew where you were. With a deep breath, Rowan straightened her back and strode back into the kitchen to find Steve signing a couple of small cards with a strange expression. As she entered, Coulson had a goofy grin on his face as he stuffed the cards back in his inner pocket. "Glad you finally got your autographs. Lets do this."

* * *

_**AN~  
**__Oh Bucky.  
__Just have to complicate things. :P  
__I only own Rowan 3  
__As always, thanks so much for the reads, views, faves, follows and reviews.  
__You're all superheroes to me ^^  
_~_Hallow_


	20. Chapter 20

A soft buzz accompanied the bright lights in what Coulson called the 'Playground'. It was his new top secret headquarters, given to him specifically by Nick Fury himself. The halls were pristine, the tile floors clean and unmarred by anything, the walls, while rather industrial in appearance, were shining in the halogen lights fastened to the ceiling. Rowan could feel the solid presence of the three large males at her back as she stepped easily through the hall, faking a confidence that wasn't quite there yet. Her mood had darkened when they had stepped through the door, being stopped and borderline kicked out by a squat, overenthusiastic agent. This 'Billy' was insisting that this was a top secret facility and everyone coming in had to go through some sort of lie detector that would prove they were, in fact, given the clearance to be here. That they were Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Which Bucky was not. The quick talking, high strung man would not back down until Coulson stepped forward, insisting that he had the Director's override, and all four of his guests were quite safe. He promised he'd run them all through the machine later. Rowan didn't like the sound of that. Not even a little. Her and machinery seldom got along, and being 'run through' anything never sounded anywhere near pleasant. Coulson must have seen the look on her face, because he turned around with a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry. It's just a heavy duty lie detector, designed to make sure you have only the best of intentions." he shared.

"Oh, yeah, don't worry. Sounds simple." Rowan retorted sarcastically.

"As long as your intentions are good, you'll be fine."

"And Bucky?" Rowan pushed. She could feel the tension washing from the assassin in waves, though she didn't turn to let him know she was aware. She was frustrated enough at the situation, she didn't need him picking up on that. It wouldn't make anything better.

"Mr. Barnes is a special case." Coulson replied.

"He's leaving out the part where one of our own former agents, a HYDRA guy, managed to get through the detector just fine, and then kill a guy." A young woman said, falling into step beside Coulson, her dark-to-light ombre hair falling in loose curls over her shoulder. She had a strange youthful light to her, though Rowan could tell she had been through some shit...and recently. "I'm Skye." the girl offered, a small smile touching her lips.

"Rowan." the healer responded. "And on that note, I'm going to have to go ahead and decline your lie machine. With all due respect. I let you into my home. I trusted you. There's little enough trust going around. I may be young, but I'm not an idiot, sir. The mere fact that we're in here says you trust us. Unless you plan on killing us all. Which One, you don't' seem like the type, Two, There's no way in hell you would ever kill Cap, and Three, I have one of the most mindless, lethal assassins at my back. while he may not take orders, he has become a friend. I can't speak for him, but I'd like to think that If anything happened to me, he would retaliate." Rowan ventured, sneaking a glance to Bucky, who caught her attempted secretive look and nodded, a chill in his eyes that she couldn't quite put her finger on. "I know for a fact he'd avenge Steve."

"I didn't bring you here under any false pretenses." Coulson said, glancing over his shoulder. "Fury warned me you were reckless. Threatening the new director in his own headquarters. Ballsy."

"I like her." the girl called Skye said with a full smile on her lips.

"I'm sure you two will get on just fine. First, I need her to help heal Fitz. You've heard me speaking of the 'Healer', this is her. The others, well. There's Captain America, the Falcon, and the Winter Soldier." Coulson said, moving to a door he had to slide his card to unlock.

"Am I going to need one of those to come and go? More importantly, are they?" Rowan asked, eyeing the door.

"If you're not open to getting your fingerprints on file, yes. I'll have to pull some strings with Billy, but we'll get you all set up. Skye, see if you can't get that started." Phil said, turning to the young agent beside him.

"Gotcha. See you guys later." they girl said, offering a smile before slipping down the hall.

"She's new to the Agent business. Expert hacker. We pulled her in from the streets." He offered.

"Ah. Kind of like Fury pulled me in as a civilian. I later found out it was because he knew my father, but that's neither here nor there. What's her story?" Rowan asked.

"I don't know." Coulson said, glancing at the girl out of the corner of his eyes.

"Lies and slander." Rowan said, a little louder than she meant to.

"No, I'm serious. Unfortunately I don't have access to that history. I've been trying to crack it for ages. Believe me. Is it ...er... I don't know how well we're all going to fit in there." he said, offering an apologetic glance at Steve.

"You're the boss. I'd like to explore this place a little bit anyway. I'm more than familiar with Rowan kicking everyone out for healing sessions anyway." Steve offered. Bucky offered little more than an agreeable nod, but his eyes remained on Rowan. She thought she saw a question in them.

"I'm fine." she assured him. This afforded a confused glance between the two of them from Sam, who immediately changed his expression to a knowing look. "Can it, birdman." Rowan snipped, disappearing into the room behind Coulson. She'd let them do their thing. She'd be busy for a while anyway.

-

Coulson had left her to be alone with the young Agent Fitz, even allowing her to set up a mini-altar. While Rowan didn't need a base of operations, so to speak, an altar made it much easier to slip into the meditative state required to access the higher universal energy. When she was wading comfortably in the place her soul needed to be, so took a moment to remain there, stuck in the warm, peaceful waves as they washed over her in a gentle, familiar motion. A face swam into the strange, comfortable blackness, a familiar face. Ruby, the ghost of a girl who had been haunting her. '_no, go away.' _Rowan felt her thoughts curl around her before dissipating toward the other specter. The makeshift hospital was nowhere to be seen, though Rowan knew well her body remained perched uncomfortably on the floor back at the Playground. Ruby's phantom offered a sad, friendly smile. The feeling of goodbye washed over Rowan, a bittersweet ending to the partner who had taken her on the adventure in the first place. The specter mouthed the words '_Take care of him.'_ before dissipating into the waves of universe. A strange energy touched the edges of Rowan's soul-body, and she knew she was ready to address the healing that this Agent would need. she'd have to address the strange occurrences at a later time.

She stood, feeling more connected than she had been in a long time,remembering why she had gone to holistic classes in the first place. All of the information given to her about this young man was tragic. He was a hero when it came down to it, he had stood up to HYDRA agents before being launched into the ocean with his bio-chem friend, who had made it out of the situation in considerably better condition. As soon as Rowan's hands touched the man's skin, she began channeling the golden, light energy into him. His arm was broken, though it had been set. She focused on that while she explored the inner damages a little more. Coulson mentioned a lack of oxygen to the brain. There was certainly some neuron damage. Rowan was no medical genius, she was barely familiar with the terminology. What she was familiar with was energy, and this poor guys energy was spastic in places, and next to dead in others .Specifically his brain. Though he wasn't ready to let go. Rowan kept seeing flashes of a pretty girl in the man's consciousness. It was clear he needed to wake up. To be with her. Rowan's heart bled for the kid, and she put more intention into her healing, knowing what it was like to need to live for someone. She was beginning to have the same feelings for a certain assassin. Letting the energy guide her, she placed her hands lightly on the man's forehead, letting the higher state of being do it's job.

When she felt no more movement in her being, she slowly sat back down on the floor in front of her altar, losing herself again in the ocean. Falling out of meditation was much easier when one did it intentionally. The last time she had been in this state of being, she had been thrust from the universe so hard, and woken up to Bucky's hand around her throat. With a deep breath, she let her eyes flutter open the scent of incense bringing her back to reality. She let the desert sage scent take over her senses as she snuffed out the single green candle on her little altar. She took a moment to dig an amethyst stone from her bag, charging it with the remaining energy vibrating around in her fingers, before placing it on the bedside table. She had done all she could. She had enough faith in her healing to know that Fitz, while he would be in pain from the ordeal, would make a full recovery. She hoped him the best with the girl in his memory. Taking her time to pack her things, Rowan slung the bag over her shoulder, pressing the button that would let her out of the room. "I'm sure we'll be seeing each other real soon."

A woman was waiting for her out in the hallway. Rowan would have placed her age at around thirty-five to forty. She was a pretty, though stern looking Asian woman with a hard stare. She was taller than Rowan, and quite a bit skinnier, though well muscled and proportionate. "Flynn? Agent Melinda May. I'm here to escort you to the cafeteria."

"Oh good. I'm starving. That shit takes a lot out of me." Rowan retorted, undaunted by the intimidating woman.

"I can imagine. How is he?" the woman asked, concern apparent on her face.

"He'll make it. No lasting damages, though if Coulson wouldn't have located me, there might have been. Not to brag, by any means, but I'm good at what I do." Rowan said.

"I've heard. Fury thought very highly of you and your abilities as well. Glad to have you on board. It's hard enough with HYDRA taking all our good agents. Glad Cap's still himself too." May said. "The assassin seems at peace. For the most part. There's always a faraway darkness in the eyes of those who have taken the lives of others. But he'll live."

"He's trying." Rowan replied cautiously. "If you're digging for intel, you can stop. I know he killed Fury.. or.. tried. I know Fury's going to rip me a new one next time he sees me, so let's save the honor for him, yeah? I trust Bucky. With my life. That should be enough for everyone else until the time comes when someone can tell me I was wrong."

"Cafeteria's through this door." was all the woman said. No denial or confirmation. She was definitely one of Fury's, that was for sure. No one else kept intention so close to them. Rowan was unsure how she felt about Melinda May, but she was sure it wouldn't be the last stroll through the Playground she had with the other Agent. They were, after all, on a very small team under the direction of Coulson.

Stepping into the cafeteria, Rowan felt the eyes of everyone turn toward her. She took stock of the collection of people. Steve, Sam, Skye..."Where's Bucky?"

"He went exploring. Haven't seen him since." Sam said, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Lovely." Rowan retorted. "I'm about due for a nap. What kind of food you guys have here?" she asked the dark haired girl.

"It's not as bad as you'd think. And I manged to swindle some badges out of Billy, though he still thinks you guys need to go through the lie detector." she said with a grin, tossing Rowan a plastic card attached to a black lanyard. "Welcome to the new S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Thanks. " was all Rowan could say as she pocketed the plastic card, her thoughts wandering to Bucky. Just as the image of the man crossed her mind, she caught Agent May sprinting through the hall out of the corner of her eye. "Why do I feel like I need to follow..." she muttered, a sigh heaving from her lungs.

"Your intuition is usually dead on. Let's go." Steve said, standing and making his way toward the door.

Rowan wasted no time in following him, hoping there was nothing wrong, but knowing that her bad feeling was probably a pretty good indicator that everything was not as it should be. Things were fragile as it was, they didn't need to become any more screwed up. And Bucky was on his own, somewhere in this damned facility. A determined expression locked into place on Rowan's face, her full lips in a solid line, her eyes set forward as she followed behind Steve. She was only a couple of paces behind, almost having to jog to keep up with the taller man. '_These morning jogs have use after all.' _she thought sarcastically, noting that she was not quite as winded as she would have been a month ago trying to keep up with Steve Rogers in a hurry. Not even she was fool enough to ask him to slow down. Sam was on their heels as well, acting as another form of backup. Rowan was damned glad they had come with her on this mission, even if Bucky was the reason behind the sudden panic in the Playground.

* * *

_AN~  
Been a bit, eh?  
I only own Rowan, everyone else belongs to the glory that is Marvel  
Thank you all so much for the reads, views, favorites, follows, and the reviews.  
You have all been wonderful so far.  
And I'm not done yet :D_

Hallow


	21. Chapter 21

"Oh jesus fuck, Bucky. Let the guy go." Rowan said, letting herself in to a large room full of more computer screens than she had ever seen in her life. Her eyes shot right to the assassin, who had Billy dangling in mid air, gasping to get enough air in his lungs. Melinda May had a pistol pointed at Bucky's chest, and Coulson was in the corner of the room, another gun pointed. "You know they're going to go after me for this, right?"

"He tried to lock me in a room. Said I wasn't to be trusted." Bucky growled, his eyes cold as ice. He was in full, dangerous killer mode, and Rowan wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to get him out of it.

"This is what I get for agreeing to fucking help you testy assholes." Rowan snapped, feeling the urge to choke Billy herself. Her eyes shot to Phil. "Guns down. I know it's against your whole thing to listen to someone as inexperienced as me, but for the love of all things Captain America, listen to me. From the sounds of it, Bucky was provoked. You know as well as I do that trying to lock a man teetering between violent and docile in a room and getting in his face is a poor idea. I don't care how much your guard dog doesn't trust him...He doesn't trust us either."

"May." Coulson said, lowering his own gun. He seemed to consider Rowan's words enough.

Rowan stepped forward, feeling the heavy gaze of everyone in the room on her. If she failed to calm Bucky down, she was just as dead as he was. It was just a matter of who got to kill her. "Bucky, please." she said, her voice even as she moved to stand near him. She had known he was a loose cannon, and he was much bigger than her, but his terrifying mass hadn't scared her until now. He was cold, the assassin he was trained to be. Swallowing her fear, she placed a hand on his arm, staring directly at him. "Seriously. You may be confident in your ability to take a bullet, but I'm considerably more fragile than you are, and I took responsibility for this. I understand. I'd like to throttle this asshole too, but let Coulson take care of his men. Don't fuck me over, dude. I will never forgive you, and you will never forgive yourself."

Bucky seemed to weigh the options. Billy was quickly losing oxygen, probably getting light headed. Rowan could feel the tension in the room, thick enough to be tangible. It was causing a splitting headache in her, on top of being spent from healing. Se knew if she let herself, she could feel the metallic tang of terror whirling around Billy, but she made sure to block out as much as she possibly could. Within a second, Bucky dropped the other male, who immediately took a huge gasp of breath, his hands flying to his throat. Rowan was familiar with that side of Bucky as well, though he had taken considerably less time to drop her when she was the victim of his crushing strength. The room seemed to take a collective deep breath of relief as Bucky dropped his arm to his side, the anger melting into guilt on his features. He seemed unable to look at anyone other than Rowan, though Steve had stepped forward to clap his friend on the shoulder. Sam remained in the doorway, keeping an eye on the rest of the people in the room. Rowan knew that if things went south, Sam would at least do the right thing. As far as Rowan was concerned, this was not Bucky's fault. The idiot had to have known that would happen, trust or no.

"Phil, A word?" Steve finally said. "Bucky, Rowan, head to the cafeteria. Rowan looks like she's about to keel over, so make sure she gets there, and make sure she eats." he commanded, taking the helm of the situation. He seemed to be using Rowan as a scapegoat, seeing the guilt pooling in Bucky's blue gaze.

"Aye aye, Cap." Rowan offered, glad she could slip out of the room away from all the differing glances. She wasted no time in letting herself out of the room, Bucky directly on her heels. She could feel the inner turmoil inside of him, almost more than she could feel her own emotions. It happened when she spent all of her energy on something. She was running on fumes at this point. Slowing her pace enough to fall into step beside the assassin, she let her hand find his, twining her fingers through his. "Don't say anything. I need to use you for support." she offered, a sidelong glance. It was mostly the truth. While she felt like she could pass out at any second, she also knew that Bucky needed the support too. He was lost in his own head, she wanted to be the one to pull him out of it.

"Oh, you mean don't question the intimate action after you've avoided me all day?" he responded, seeming to relax considerably at her touch.

"Yeah. That." Rowan scowled, shooting him a look. He offered her a smile, despite the lost look in his eyes.

"Sorry." he said. "Why did you avoid me?"

"I needed to sort some things out in my head. Come on. Let me get some food and I'll talk." she said, feeling light-headed. As she passed under the archway of the cafeteria, she was glad that Skye seemed to have made herself scarce. Moving to the vending machine, Rowan dug for some change in her pocket, punching the numbers and waiting for a snickers to drop into the slot.

"That's healthy." Bucky offered, a smirk on his lips. The empty smile didn't hide the sadness and self-loathing teeming behind his gaze.

"Hush it. I don't want anything else, and I'm not asking Coulson to feed me. Not for a couple minutes anyway. Let Steve diffuse the situation. Then I'll demand to be fed." she said with a smile. A smile she meant.

"Right. I didn't intend for that to happen. You knew I wasn't safe." he said, his voice flattening to it's monotonous, lackluster tone.

"Yeah. I did. I don't think it was entirely your fault." Rowan said, stepping forward to collapse onto a nearby small leather couch. The snickers was not quite what she needed for food, but it would have to do. The sweet, overwhelming mouthful of chocolate and pure sugar would be enough to give her enough of a kick to get through another hour or so. She dreaded the crash, but she had to hope she was somewhere safe enough to catch a nap, and maybe get some more solid food in her stomach. Mentally scolding herself for pushing too far, she stuffed the last bits of candy into her mouth, chewing in an unladylike manner.

"You have entirely too much faith in me." Bucky replied with a shake of his head, collapsing to the open space on the couch next to the tired young woman.

"And you've done nothing to break that faith. This incident wasn't your fault. Nor was it Billy's. Should Coulson decide to punish you, you won't be dealing with it alone. I gave my word that I would take responsibility." she said with a noncommittal shrug.

"Which you didn't have to do. Which you did, knowing that there was a chance I would hurt or kill someone." he said, his voice low, struggling to become the emotionless, monotonous voice of the monster HYDRA created.

"I once had someone put their faith in me. Things turned out okay." she said, a half a smile touching her lips.

"I think it goes further than that. And I will never be able to repay the kindness you've shown me." he said, watching her.

"I don't require thanks or recognition. I am a healer. It's what I do."

"I am in you debt. For keeping me sane. For showing me unconditional friendship. Why did you avoid me?" he pushed.

Rowan lifted her honeyed gaze to meet his, thoughts visibly dancing behind her uncanny gaze. All of the lies she could tell him were darting through her thoughts, though the look on his face, the vulnerable, honest question made her pause. He needed the honesty, and Rowan, no matter how much she wished it, was not a liar. "Because if I didn't, I'd have to face the fact that I'm falling in love with you."

"And that's a bad thing? My predilection for large firearms and blood aside, you said yourself that I'm not a bad man." Bucky said, watching her.

"Don't use your charm on me, Barnes. It's not...bad. Not exactly. But facing love means facing pain. I think both of us have been through enough of that. You want to know why I avoided you? Why I seem aloof and disinterested outside of healing? Because I've spent my whole life dealing with rejection. No... don't. I don't want pity." Rowan said, holding up a hand and shooting him a scolding look at the sorrowful expression on his face. "Loving someone gives them power over you. Power to hurt you. To rip your heart from your chest. Not only that, but it gives your enemies power. Something that will break you, no matter what."

"And you think I'd hurt you?"

"Or I'd hurt you. It doesn't matter. I don't put my faith into anyone any further than friendship. And sometimes barely even that. I'm close with Tony because he doesn't ask too much of me. We drink together. He depends on me to keep his ass out of drunken trouble, and I depend on him to keep the alcohol flowing. It's simple. There's not a lot of depth. Unless he's hurt. Then I heal him, he thanks me, we get over it and move on. I told you before I don't deal well with feelings." she said, her face almost as blank as Bucky's when he went assassin mode.

"You're saying you have no friends." he asked, tilting his head.

"No. I'm saying that my friendships are not deep. I keep everyone at arms length. It's a defense mechanism. I do not share my own father's surname, nor my mothers. The name I keep is tied to the foster building I grew up in. I was left there until I was old enough to be on my own. I had become just as much a part of the place as the damned carpets. I was too strange to adopt. Ironic, my father's surname is Strange. I keep people at arms length because I was shown no warmth. I don't know how to form deep bonds." she admitted, wringing her hands lightly. "It's quite pitiful. And rather contradictory. I heal. I've helped you acquire the ability to form bonds. But that's because you had the innate ability before they took you. Me? I'm hopeless. I love the people I care about, but I keep them at arm's length because I'm scared."

"But you have feelings for me." he said. A statement. Not a question.

"Yes. Which is why I've become cagey. I have a warmth inside of me, Bucky. I have the ability to love. That much is true. I have more love to give than most others. I'm a being who thrives on emotions. I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed by everyone else's bullshit that it's easier to avoid my own." she said.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked, simple enough.

"Firearms." she retorted quickly. Upon seeing the look on his face, she snorted a laugh and shook her head. "Losing the people I care about. I've been through it once in a prior lifetime. When I put my faith in someone, trusting them to return to weight of the reality pushed me over the edge."

"Losing me." a statement. At Rowan's nod, Bucky took a deep breath. "I guess it's a little late for an apology."

"Just a bit. But. For whatever reason, or whatever you believe, I feel that we're stuck together. Soul mates are an unfortunate reality. I connected with you strongly in the past. That life is no longer mine, but you remain solid. Perhaps I was never meant to be with you then. You need me more now. And as much as it pisses me off to admit it, I need you too." she said, a scowl touching her full lips. "I hate needing people."

"Everyone needs someone." he replied, leaning back, his arm sliding around her shoulders to pull her to him. "I can live with you needing me." he said.

"Don't get smug." Rowan chided. She knew he was smirking. That damned wicked grin of his. If she turned even a fraction of an inch to look at him, she knew they would be having a repeat of the kiss. Keeping her eyes locked forward, she sighed a little, enjoying the quiet retreat. Things never remained quiet for long, she might as well enjoy it while she could.

"I wasn't. I just feel like we've made some progress." he said. She could feel his voice rumbling through his chest.

"What are you, a damned shrink?"

"No. Just fellow frozen soul. Ironic that the Winter Soldier is the one coaxing the Healer into warming up. I never thought that would happen." he said, a laugh escaping him.

"Hm. Me either." she said, leaning her head back to rest it on his chest. "Guess we're both learning."

"We've been learning since you brought me home." He pointed out.

"True. I think I've made more adjustments in the past weeks than I have in my whole life." Rowan said.

"Change isn't a bad thing." Bucky said. "It's terrifying. But not bad. Unless we're referring to some of this era's modern touches. I still don't quite understand some things."

"I grew up in this era and even I don't understand some things. That aside, change can be...tolerable." Rowan said slowly.

"You're stubborn."

"You knew that." she retorted.

"There are a few things I depend on. The sun coming up. My nightmares. Coffee. And your infuriating ability to be the most headstrong, stubborn, sarcastic woman I have ever met." he said with a charming, devlish grin.

"You love it." Rowan said, a small smirk touching her lips.

"I do."

Rowan's eyes widened as her eyes met his again, her eyes wide, shocked. His were sincere, the honesty and emotion behind them washing over her. "You just.."

"Yeah. I did." he said, his expression remaining calm.

"Oh."

"As if you didn't know. Rowan, I seem to have... that is." he final spoke more, his hand travelling to the back of his head.

Before the words were out of his mouth, Coulson was moving through the sliding doors of the cafeteria, the soft whir breaking Rowan from her enchantment. Without a glance toward Coulson, she remained staring at Bucky, her eyes locked on his. "You want to finish this later?"

"No. I love you." he said, letting the words roll off his tongue. His eyes darted to the other man for a second before resting back on the little healer's face. He wasn't expecting a response. He, more than anything, needed her to know. She had admitted she was falling for him, and that was more than enough for him. For now. He would let her sort her thoughts out. He was patient. "Now we can finish it later. The director looks like he wants some words."

"Ah. Yeah." Rowan said, pursing her lips, her facial expression distant. Finally, her eyes slid away from Bucky to land on Coulson. "Phil." she greeted with a curt nod, sliding off the couch to stand. She strode to the older man, her spine straightening. The likelihood that he was bearing good news was rather slim, but Rowan still had hopes he would be forgiving of Bucky's slip up. "I just want to say that it wasn't-"

Coulson held up a hand to stop her, his eyes falling closed for a moment as his head bowed. Lifting his gaze, he looked far more serene than he should have, given the situation. "It wasn't Bucky's fault. I knew letting him in here would put my men on edge, and if Billy could interrogate his own shadow, he would. Nobody got hurt. Bucky was unfairly subdued. I can let it slide for now. Unfortunately, our need for his cooperation far outweighs the uncomfortable feeling he instills in my agents. We need him. And you. And I know that if we ban him, we lose your help. I'd rather not make enemies out of the few people I think I can trust."

"Oh." was all Rowan could respond. So far, Coulson was far more logical she had expected. Part of her wanted to collapse back onto the couch for a long nap. The events of the day were finally catching up with her, and she needed, more than anything, a respite from everything thrashing around in her mind. There were still conversations to be had on the remaining Super Soldiers, but she deeply wished those things could wait. Fury had once told her not to push herself. Yet the longer she put things off, the more people the Soldiers could kill, and the more leeway HYDRA could make in preparing their next strike. Despite her deep desire for rest, Rowan knew that there was no rest for the wicked.

* * *

_AN~  
Two within 11 hours. I'm on a roll again!  
I have more waiting in the wings ;P  
I only own Rowan.  
The rest are all Marvel.  
As always, though still needs to be said a thousand times over, Thank you all so much...  
For your views, reads, faves, follows and reviews.  
I feel like I need to do something special for my readers.  
When I figure out what that is, there will be surprises.  
The support means the world.  
You are all wonderful  
~Hallow_


	22. Chapter 22

The small group of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents wasted no time in connecting Rowan with the files she would need to figure out more information on the Super Soldiers. Her exhaustion was weighing in, evident in large proportions by the way she was slumped in front of a keyboard, her chin resting on her hand, head dropping every so often as she dozed off. Skye had been enthusiastic about showing Rowan around the computer programs, though Rowan had to stop her, as Tony Stark had developed most of them, and the young healer was quite familiar with all of Tony's toys. While science wasn't her forte, computers were in her range of expertise, though perhaps not nearly as heavily as it was in Skye's. The hacker-turned-agent was perched at her own machine, the soft tapping of her fingers on the keyboard further lulling Rowan into a fragile on and off nap. Visions of Bucky danced through her head, causing her to gasp and shake herself awake for another couple of minutes of scanning the collective intel on the created soldiers.

At some point, she must have seriously gone into a hibernation, as she could see the almost transparent image of her father floating in the center of the room, his steely blue gaze examining the machines, scanning quickly over the other girl, before his eyes landed on Rowan.

"Doc? What the ever loving fuck? Coulson know you're here? We had to go through some scrutiny to get in the building. Wait. Did you even use the door?" Rowan felt herself stammering, the extent of the power of the Sorcerer Supreme not failing to amaze her. Or make her uncomfortable.

"Oh no. I'm merely dreamwalking. You are asleep, child. I have some grave news. And some good. You seem to me like you'd prefer the bad news first." his specter spoke.

"For what little you know of me, you've managed to make a pretty good guess." Rowan replied wryly, the discomfort at dream communications settling down slightly. She was familiar with this type of situation, even if her experiences weren't' exactly of magic origin.

"In time, Rowan, you will cease your sarcastic comments." he replied, his transparent face torn between amusement and irritation. A look Rowan was quite accustomed to from just about everyone she associated with. Aside from Bucky.

"Not likely. It's just who I am, Doc. In time, you'll learn." she almost mocked. Tossing him an almost apologetic look, she waved a wrist. "Continue."

"The grave news involves HYDRA. They have indeed managed to retain much of their technology. In fact, the Triskelion was but one small fraction of their operation. I have foreseen war. I had hope those visions were gone with the end of the last incident, alas no. I fear things may come to pass long before Director Coulson gets his new team together. I would ask that you stay out of it. Remain safe in your home. Do not travel to the places he asks of you. However, I know that you will do exactly the opposite of what I ask." he said. "I have seen the revelation that has come to light. You are safer now with the Soldier than you are on your own. If you must go anywhere, do not stray far from Mr. Barnes. He can care for you where I cannot. I can see that his feelings are quite returned, even if you haven't yet told him as much."

"Do you see everything?" Rowan asked dryly, her face burning from the words leaving the Doctor's mouth.

"I see enough. The extent of my capabilities are far. I do not intentionally watch you child. I see only things that have great impact. To you or the ones I care for. This earth. Realms outside earth even." he said, looking tired, though Rowan knew the form he held could not actually feel lethargy. "The unfortunate news is not over. These soldiers you are to encounter? They are not like Steve. They are not even like Bucky. If they were men once, that barely remains. Cybertek did more than create cybernetic implants and the like. They're tampering with the brains. These men are of one mind, hooked to a computer. One command can deploy them."

"This isn't news. I got briefed." Rowan said.

"Of course. The news is that you cannot help them. They have no triggers, no connections to their past lives. While Bucky was their greatest tool, he is now their greatest failure. They have since rectified these things. It goes beyond memory wiping, though I know not how far. If you can get your hands on the technology, I would advise you to get it to Mr. Stark. Do not try to save these men, Rowan. You cannot. You will die trying, and there are people who need you alive. I know how hard that will be for you..."

"No. You don't." Rowan snipped, running her hand through her hair, becoming more frustrated at the conversation.

"Do not be so quick to disagree with me. I was a surgeon once. I was good at what I did. I was selfish, yes, but when I could no longer save the people, it killed me. I was angry, mean. Selfish doesn't begin to cover it. The self-loathing ran deep. I would not want to see you go through that because of people who cannot mentally be rescued. These are weapons, no better than robots."

"They're _people._" Rowan stressed.

"Not anymore. If you are not prepared to eliminate them, do not go on these missions. You will not come back." Strange warned. He could see the turmoil in his daughter's honeyed eyes. He knew his messages would haunt her for a long time, but he also knew that she needed to hear him. He couldn't let her take on those missions without stressing what was at stake. Not even Bucky could pull her out of the things he foresaw. Had he not warned her, she would have gone down a very, very dark path, the likes of which she hadn't experienced since her soul resided in Ruby's body. Things that she did no live to overcome. "The good news is that you know now. Perhaps I may have overstepped my bounds in the scheme of things. Do not go on those missions if you cannot kill. Do not depend on Bucky to take them all out."

"I would never ask him to kill. I'm not HYDRA."

"HYDRA was more of a command-than-ask. And I know that. You care for him too much to put him in that position, but that young man would kill for you in an instant if he thought it would help you keep your head on straight. Guilt or no. When he told you he loved you, he meant it. A bit of advice? Don't make him wait for your response." the Doctor said wryly, his eyes scanning Rowan's face.

"Okay, awkward. Can you maybe not give me relationship advice? We're in the baby stages of our father-daughter relationship. That's pushing boundaries. I'd hate to have to avoid you." Rowan said, pursing her lips.

"Like you avoid all feelings. You need to get over that. Ah well. I have done what I can." he said, with a wave of his hand as if swatting a bug.

"You didn't give me good news." Rowan said, a raise of her eyebrow.

"Of course I did. The Winter Soldier has been thawed. I have warned against your certain death at your own hands. Or the hands of the soldiers. I have prepared you, or given you the tools to prepare yourself." he said.

"You don't sugar coat things, do you?" she replied, her tone flat.

"No. I'm afraid I don't." Strange replied, a small smile flickering at the edges of his lips. "Nor do you."

"You suggesting I get that from you?" Rowan challenged.

"Yes, my child. That is exactly what I'm suggesting." the Doctor said with a laugh before his non-corporeal form vanished completely, a laugh remaining for a couple of seconds before dissipating as well.

-

Rowan awoke with a scowl on her face, her eyes drifting into focus. It had taken a minute, but thankfully, the dim lights glowing from the computer screens aided in the focus. A gasp escaped her as she realized Bucky was perched near her, intently watching for movement. He had a slightly worried expression, his form rigid. Skye was perched in her own chair, leaning back, watching the two others with an amused expression. Clearing her throat, Rowan leaned forward, frowning at the pain in her back. "So much for ergonomically correct."

"They're for sitting, not sleeping." Skye retorted from her seat.

"Clearly. I'm pretty sure my spine is trying to claw it's way out in protest." Rowan snarked back, her hands travelling to her lower back, rubbing roughly in a sad attempt to alleviate the pain. "Hey." she said by way of greeting Bucky.

"You were unresponsive, but breathing." he said, his expression hard.

"Yeah well. We can add dreamwalking to my father's list of strange powers. He had some messages for me. None of which were particularly news. Though they also weren't useless." she said, a yawn escaping her.

"Care to elaborate?" Bucky asked, his eyebrow raising toward the ceiling.

"Ah. Hm. Unless he's dreamwalking to everyone who naps, I'll have to let everyone know. Skye?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me a favor and call a meeting or something. I think there are things we all need to discuss." Rowan asked, sighing lightly. "We are a team after all." she added dryly.

"Yeah, I'll get them to the cafeteria. More room, less chances to ruin hardware." she said.

"Meet you there." Rowan said, standing slowly. The pain in her bones made her feel seventy years older than she was, and she was majorly regretting her lack of tea in her satchel. As soon as Skye was out of earshot, she turned to the tall, long-haired man next to her. "So uh..." she said awkwardly, wringing her hands lightly as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. She'd never been particularly shy before, but she also never had to admit her feelings to..well..anyone. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her gaze to Bucky's, not wanting to hide behind mumbling or avoidance techniques. "I love you too. Sorry I didn't say it right away. It's just been a really crazy... shit... couple of months, but it doesn't change the fact that my feelings pretty much can't be avoided anymore. So...Yeah." she said.

The grin that the man in front of her gave her was illuminating. The devilish curl of his lips, the bright blue hues in his eyes. If she had thought she saw him smile before, it was nothing compared to this. He wasted no time in closing the distance between them, placing a kiss on her forehead, wrapping his arms around her. "I know, doll. Don't apologize." he said, a smile still on his lips.

"What's with this forehead kiss bullshit?" Rowan asked, standing on her tiptoes to pull his face to hers, planting a solid kiss on his mouth.

"Well, I was trying to make sure we made it to the cafeteria without being suspicious. You called a meeting. It would be strange if the one who called it didn't bother showing up. They'd hunt us down. And things could get awkward." he said, his smirk glued to his face.

"Shut it." Rowan snipped in mock anger, rolling her eyes toward the door. "Fine. You're right. Let's not keep the others waiting." she grumbled. Turning on her heel, she grabbed her satchel from the floor, and made her way toward the door. Bucky was on her heels, grabbing her shoulder before she stepped out of the room. His mouth had claimed hers before she could come up with a question or utter a word.

"Rain check on that though." he said, stepping away from her, out of the room.

"You son of a bitch." she muttered, her smirk matching the one she knew was plastered on his face.

* * *

_AN~  
I guess I'm on a roll here!  
I only own Rowan  
Thanks SO SO SO much for all of the outpouring of support!  
Seeing the amount of activity I have on this story has been a really really flattering and completely awesome experience!  
I love all of my readers and reviewers! You are all so wonderful!  
_~Hallow


	23. Chapter 23

The cafeteria was almost silent as the young healer moved through the sliding doors. Bucky had managed to get inside before her. The only sounds she could hear were the soft buzz of the vending machine and the whir of the florescent light bulbs above her head. Almost distracting. Almost as distracting as the several sets of eyes glued to her. She felt herself swallow hard, not particularly enjoying the undivided attention. Not with this exhaustion, nor with the things that had happened. Good or bad. Everything was sensory overload, and the stares made her want to curl up under a table. '_You called this meeting. Get it over with. Abridged version if you have to.' _Her thoughts urged, more logical than she could manage to be on her own. Clearing her throat, she made an attempt at meeting the gazes of the people in the room. Coulson. May. Bucky, Steve and Sam. Skye. And the girl, Simmons. There was another present, a dark skinned young man who remained silent, but whose gaze was just as curious. Rowan made a note to ask about him later. Billy was not present, thank the higher powers. She knew Bucky wouldn't be thrilled to see him, and she was still struggling personally with the urge to strangle the pushy HQ man.

"Okay so. Phil, I may need your support to get anyone to understand. You've heard of or met Doctor Stephen Strange?" Rowan began, standing in front of the hodge podge group of people.

"Of course. Fury's records are now mine. I have met Doctor Strange." he assured. His voice was almost soothing. Rowan had to take a moment to appreciate Phil Coulson. A nod accompanied her brief silence.

"Good. Then you're familiar with his abilities. I know your team may not be. It may be hard to wrap your heads around. And understand me when I tell you that you are not the only ones. I... I fell asleep during my information hunt. I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically. And so is everyone else. Strange can dreamwalk. He doesn't need to be sleeping, from what I understand. It's part of his meditations. He came to deliver messages through this method. Messages that came to him in meditative premonitions. Some can be changed. Some cannot. He shared some interesting things with me. Some of them may get... uncomfortably personal for me. We are a team under Director Coulson. I may not know you lot much, but I trust him. And if not him, I trust Steve to do the right thing, or Bucky to deal with it otherwise. That's not a threat. that's just how it is." Rowan spoke, her voice low, logical, but still rambling. "In any case, Doc relayed a couple of messages."

"No one here will hurt you." Coulson said. His hands were folded behind his back. The relaxed stature was further driven into place with the unbuttoned suit coat, and his still-healing stitches on his face.

"I know. I'm just... Not really a people person. I deal with people when I'm healing, but even then. Crowds aren't my thing. People staring at me is even worse. I called this meeting, I know. But bear with me." Rowan admitted. "Strange gave me some information. Regarding the super soldiers you've encountered. Regarding the future. He believes that the war is still being fought. HYDRA, after all, has that ridiculously cryptic saying. Regardless. Your run in with Cybertek was a part of his message. He mentioned the cybernetic implants. They go beyond just limbs. The soldiers are mentally programmed to computers." Rowan spoke again.

"We knew that." May said, her almond-eyed gaze evenly watching the nervous healer.

"Yeah. I know. But Strange also said that these are not people anymore. Not the way Steve is. Not even the way Bucky is. Bucky was able to be saved. These ones have no more humanity left. Abridged version, he warned me against believing they could be triggered into humanity. They can't. They're no more than androids with human shells. As hard as it is for me to swallow, they can't be saved. To think they can would be suicide." Rowan replied, meeting May's gaze before her eyes met Coulson's. "I'm not sure what intel you took back from the raid, but if you have even a shred of cybernetics, get it to Tony. He can still be trusted."

"I know. Hill works for him."

"He failed to mention that during our last encounter." Rowan replied dryly.

"To be fair, your last encounter included me." Bucky spoke up, finally. "Your father is not wrong. I've told you that you got lucky with me. My only cybernetic part is my arm. My brain, while my memories were wiped, is untouched. You healed the damage and reversed the memory loss. With whatever wizardry you have going on." he added, his eyes flashing with amusement.

"Ass." Rowan retorted, before she could think about holding her tongue. Bucky's flashed grin and Coulson's lack of surprised expression was enough of a strange comfort for Rowan to continue. Coulson had witnessed Bucky's admittance, even with his eyes cast elsewhere. "These men were not as lucky. From what I've read in your reports, you were able to subdue them with a command. We won't get that lucky again. HYDRA will have made fail safes, if they haven't already. There will be no deterring their attention. There will be only bloodshed. I know you and your team are wrapped up here or elsewhere. But anyone you bring in needs to be brought up to speed." Rowan said, her face in a grim expression. "I don't like it. It goes against what I am. But I have to accept it. If I want to live, I need to come to terms with the fact that I will need to kill."

"We don't need and softies on our team." May said, her voice cutting deep, though there was no threat. No insult. I was just a fact.

"All due respect, Agent May, I'm not a softie. I'm new to killing, but I'm not new to battle. I'm familiar with the wounds. I'm a healer. I have worked with not only the super soldiers you see here, but the earth bound Avengers as well. Fury recruited me personally. Up until the fall of our organization, I was a healer, and only a healer. I avoided anything I didn't want to deal with. Things have changed. I'm in combat training, I've taken a life. There is no soft in me. There is only survival. Protection of the things I hold dear. This is being rebuilt. I'd like to count you as an ally, not an enemy. Please do not question me again." Rowan said. Her throat was dry, her exhaustion creeping into the edges of her consciousness. She didn't like being questioned, no matter how close to home Melinda May was hitting.

"Was that all your father said?" Steve asked. Rowan shot him a look, unsure if she wanted everyone to know that Strange was one of her parents.

"There were other, more personal things. I've addressed them already." Rowan said, her face heating.

"Are you certain you can do the things I'll ask of you?" Coulson asked.

"Yes. How many more people do you have to spare?" Rowan asked.

"I don't have anyone to spare. Not a single person in this facility is expendable. If you can't do it, I won't ask you to." Coulson said, his face a mask of pure concern.

"Fury really knows how to pick them. You're not as pushy. I can still hear him. 'Flynn, don't push yourself. That's an order!'" She mocked with a laugh. "Honestly. I can do it. If we're to rebuild, we need to eliminate the current snake pits. I have knowledge of super soldiers. Minimal, admittedly, but it's there."

"And she has me. I already told you my reasoning." He spoke up from his perch on top of one of the dining tables. "If she loses sight, I won't let her stay. I know her well enough to know when she's about to take pity on someone."

"It's never been pity." Rowan argued.

"It would be with these men." Bucky replied, his eyes meeting hers.

"Fine. Regardless. We have a small team here. You chose the rest when you gather them. I've given you what I could." Rowan said, her arms crossed. "If you have anything... even a fragment of a cybernetic implant from the recent raid, send it to Tony. Skye should actually probably have a way to contact him as well." Rowan frowned, glancing to Coulson. "Forgive me. I'm not making orders. I'm merely thinking out loud. Do with this what you will. I just... Tony is selfish, but he's a god man. He drinks, he's stubborn, and he can be a gigantic ass, but we need him, and he's dedicated to the cause. The Avengers are dedicated, no matter how scattered they may be. I'd take advantage of that. Tony's seen Bucky's arm, so he's familiar with as much as he can be. But a little but of Cybertek data would help worlds. If you have it."

"We don't have much." Coulson admitted. "We weren't really focused on the data when we went in."

"We know someone. He's out there. He worked for them, but he... he can be changed." Skye spoke up, her face taking on a saddened expression.

"You sure?" Rowan asked.

"Yes." Skye said, meeting the healer's gaze.

"Okay. If that doesn't pan out, we need a back up. If I find anything at any of these potential warehouses, I'll get it to you." Rowan said, struggling to get her brain to function.

"I can work on disengaging the command system. Maybe even rewiring it." Skye said.

"Good. That'll help for future raids. Only a fool would go in blind once." Coulson said with a nod. "If that's all, we can give you a ride back home. Flynn looks dead on her feet."

"Long day. I need a nap and some dinner." Rowan offered with a shrug. "Don't stop on my account."

"You know where we are. You have authorization to return at any time. And we will be in contact. However, we need our team at full functioning power. There are few enough of us, it's better to work as best as we can." Coulson said with a small smile. "We're all tired, agent. We could all use a goo nights sleep. We've learned all we could today. There will be time to converse further. And soon. Shall we?" he asked.

Rowan had to appreciate the new director in that moment. The logic paired with complete and total care for his team was something that she was unaccustomed to. Fury had cared, in his own way. Though he had been more 'strong silent type.' The kind of boss to insult you an praise you in the same sentence. Coulson was different. It was refreshing. When it came down to the last moments in the Playground, she found she couldn't even muster the energy to give a verbal goodbye to the other agents. Giving them a weak wave, and making a mental note to introduce herself to the one agent she hadn't met, she found her way to Bucky, tucking her arm into his as the moved through the halls to the exit. She was thankful she had gotten her announcement of feelings out of the way. It would have had to wait until a day or so later if she hadn't, and she'd have hated herself for making the beautiful, dangerous, yet broken assassin wait. He had supported her weight as she mentally shut down on the walk through the facility. She had vaguely heard Coulson's thanks regarding Fitz. She wasn't even sure if she made a response other than a noncommittal noise. She was asleep within the first two minutes of the ride home.

* * *

_**AN~  
**__It's been a minute!  
Sorry for the delay! I hate to keep you guys waiting!  
I get really ahead of myself and upload stuff before I'm far enough ahead to not get behind.  
In any case, Rowan is the only one to belong to me, otherwise it's all Marvel  
As always, Thanks so much for all the support!  
You guys make continuous uploads fun!_

Hallow


	24. Chapter 24

The previous days events danced through Rowan's mind as she lay in bed, her bleary eyes blinking the digital numbers into focus. It was nearing one p.m. The men hadn't woken her for a run, which was surprising in and of itself. A small pang of fear gripped her, causing her to rise from bed before she was ready, black spots swimming before her eyes. Tugging on a pair of soft yoga pants on over her bare legs, she stumbled into the hallway. Creeping slowly, each step muffled by the carpet, she took a moment to peek around the wall leading to Steve's room. Finding it empty, she felt her heart pound harder in her chest, the fear only rising. Perhaps she was being silly. There was no way something bad could have happened. Strange had made it clear that this house was warded against anyone who would do her harm. But by this time, the scent of coffee should have been drifting through the house, the shower should have been running. Clenching her teeth hard enough to give herself a headache, she crept into the living room, her eyes scanning every corner. Living with an assassin had it's consequences. Checking the shadows for threats was second nature to her. Not that she doubted Bucky's ability to locate any danger, she had merely taken his habit of double checking everything.

Upon finding nothing out of place, she swore lightly under her breath before she crept easily across the room with the silent grace of a trained killer. Standing in the doorway of Bucky's room to check for his form, finding none, the fear clawed at her more. Where the hell _were _they? Surely they wouldn't leave without letting her know first. At least leaving a note. With a deep breath, she turned on her heel to move into the kitchen. The sight in front of her made her scowl and deflate at the same time, the terror seeping out of her body like bad blood. Her father was there, hovering in thin air as he was wont to do, his steel blue eyes closed as he seemed in a deep state of meditation. Rowan leaned her frame on the archway, a brow quirking toward the ceiling, her arms crossing over her chest. She eyed the light purple mist warily, wondering where exactly her roommates went. "You always meditate in kitchens?"

"Oh, no. My home is much more suited to these things than your place is." the levitating man responded, one icy eye cracking open. "Though this place was more suited for mystics when Clea first outfitted it."

"Mm. It was. It also made Steve a little uncomfortable. I assure you, all of these things are still in my room. The old fashioned super soldiers understand science, not magic. To what do I owe this entirely out of place pleasure. I'd have thought your dream walking stint relayed all of your messages." Rowan said, yawning. She stepped under the archway, moving to grab the tea kettle before peeking inside, seeing it was full of water. Placing it back down, she turned the burner on and took a seat at the table.

"Checking in. Making a proposition." he replied.

"Any idea where the guys are?" Rowan asked. If anyone would know, it would be her father.

"Of course." the man replied, a wry grin touching his lips."I've lent them a safe dimension. A place where they may fight illusions to hone their skill. I fear spars will not be enough. They were weary enough at first, but they agreed. I am there as well. Much in the same way I was dream walking. The assassin wouldn't agree until I assured him that you would be quite safe. I assume you have come to an agreement?"

"Agreement? I told him how I felt if that's what you mean. I'm surprised they didn't drag my ass out of bed for this charade." she muttered, waiting for the kettle to emit it's telltale shrill whistle.

"I have other things for you this afternoon, child. Not to mention you pushed yourself quite far yesterday. You required the rest." he said. After a moment, his eyes drifted closed, and silence fell over the kitchen again.

Rowan eyed him curiously, wondering what exactly he had for her to do. Probably something she wouldn't like. She had been actively avoiding the subject of an apprenticeship under the Doctor or his otherdimensional lady friend. As soon as the kettle alerted her to it's temperature, she moved to get herself some herbs and a mug. The sound seemed to go unheard by the sorcerer, who remained suspended in the air, eyes closed. The healer eyed the man, searching the planes of his face for any sign that they were, in fact, of the same blood. She could see it in the planes of his nose, though she could credit her high cheekbones to her native american heritage. The dark hair could have come from either side. Her eyes, her honey golden eyes were all her own. With a sigh, she dropped her mesh caged spoon into her mug of hot water and perched herself on the counter top, her legs crossing in a manner similar to her fathers. Perhaps she was more his child in mannerisms than in appearance. With another deep yawn, she brought the tea to her lips to blow the steam from the top, trying to shake the exhaustion from her body. After waking up early for so many weeks to go running, she felt as if her day had been half wasted.

"What exactly are you here for?" the girl finally asked, fed up with the silence.

"Have you become familiar with firearms?" the doctor countered, a question for a question.

"...No." Rowan said, her suspicion rising. "I'm pretty sure I've made it clear that I do not like guns."

"Mm. You have. Yet, you're agreeing to go on horribly dangerous missions for Director Coulson. Blades are fine for close range, but if these men get you in their sight, there will be no chance for close range. Mr. Barnes would tell you as much, I'm sure. Tell me, child. How do you propose to pull this off? You know as well as I that you are not prepared to go ehad to head against the enemy. Not enemies of this caliber." the man asked, one eye cracked open.

"I'll figure something out." Rowan replied shortly.

"I'm afraid that won't be good enough. You have two choices here. You can ask someone to acquaint you with firearms. Or you can apprentice under me and learn offensive magic. Guns would be quite a bit quicker." he said. "The things I am capable of took years to learn. Years and a trip to Tibet. While I do not doubt your abilities, I know not how much longer it will be until Coulson sends you away."

"Can I chose none of the above? I'm not a wizard... or... sorcerer-"

"Sorceress."

"Right. I'm not that. And I sure as hell am not getting anywhere near a gun. I'm just a healer, Doc. Hand to Hand combat is slow coming, but I'm learning. I don't want to use firearms. And I don't want to use magic. That's your forte. Plus, aren't you only supposed to use light magic or something? Learning magic to harm kind of sounds like it defeats the pupose." she said, pursing her lips.

"Magic to defend yourself for the greater good is very much within appropriate lines. You have innate mystic energy inside of you. It is why you are such a talented healer. Though you don't have a choice in this matter, I'm afraid. You need to decide which route to take." the man responded. Letting his eyes flutter closed for a moment, Rowan watched him purse his own lips before tilting his head and opening both his eyes. "The men wish to return." was all he said. A light red glow emanated from the mans hands, almost blinding. From the point where Strange touched the air, a swirling red mass was growing, larger and larger, until it was the size to fit several large men through. She could recognize the forms of all three of them, Steve stepping out first. Bucky followed him, and then Sam. They were all suited up, and clearly sweaty and exhausted. "You have done well, gentlemen."

"I'm going to grab a shower." Steve muttered, pacing through the kitchen until he was around the corner and out of sight.

"Chatty today." Rowan remarked, smirking from her perch on the counter. "I think he's spending too much time with Bucky." she added with a wink to the blue eyed assassin.

"He's probably mad that Bucky kicked his ass. You should've seen it, Ro. Cap has a match." Sam said, his eyes dancing in amusement. Before Rowan could make a comment, Sam had waved, wiping a drop of sweat from his brow. "I'm gonna hop hope and grab a shower myself. I'm headed to the Playground later, call if you need anything."

"Send Coulson my regards. Have him call me about Fitz, too. I need to make sure that he's recovering." Rowan said, offhandedly before looking to Bucky. "I take it the weirdo other dimension training will pay off?" Rowan asked, eyeing the two remaining men curiously.

"We'll be more prepared." Bucky said, moving to flick the coffee pot on. "Your turn. You need to figure out a way to stay alive. Daggers aren't going to cut it."

"Et Tu. Brute?!" Rowan asked, a glare shooting toward Bucky. "I've already had this conversation with Father of the Year over here, and no, before you ask, I have not made a decision. Magic or Firearms? What kind of fucking choice is that?"

"The choices you need to keep you alive." Bucky responded, his eyes boring into hers. He had no intention of backing down.

"Yeah, except last time I was around a gun, I got shot." Rowan protested. "Both of these things go against what I am."

"Ruby's memories hardly have anything to do with this." Bucky replied.

"One, I wasn't talking about her." Rowan snapped, lifting the bottom hem of her shirt to expose the ugly scar on her right side. "I was referring to actually getting shot. Plus, Ruby's memories kind of do have everything to do with this, considering that was the incident that created my aversion to firearms. Obviously I have no luck with or around guns."

"So magic it is." Bucky said shortly.

"Ah, yeah except for one teensy tiny problem." Rowan said, making her pointer and thumb create the illusion of small. "Doc, you want to fill our friend here in on exactly how long it took you to master your hat tricks?"

"That's hardly the issue at hand." the sorcerer responded, his feet finally on the ground.

"Oh, but it is. You told me years. We don't have years. In fact, who the bloody hell knows how long we have? Coulson could call me in an hour asking me to go smoke out a lab. I don't have the time to meditate up in the mountains to call on the ancient powers. I need instant gratification." she said, her body becoming tense.

"So guns." Bucky said, pouring himself a cup of coffee, taking a tentative sip.

"No. Fuck you both." Rowan said, slipping off the counter. She turned, setting her half-full tea mug down hard enough for the liquid to slosh all over. Turning on her heel, she stalked out of the room. Leave it to the two most important men in her life to gang up on her. If Strange thought he was on thin ice before, he was wrong. The ice had officially cracked. And Bucky would be a part of the silent treatment as well. She loved him, that much was true, but she didn't appreciate being ganged up on.

Once she was safely within the confines of her room, she shed her sleep clothes in favor of a pair of black skinny jeans, a long sleeved black shirt, and her favorite boots. She was far too pissed off to remain idle. And too pissed to stay in the house with the two men who had found it necessary to back her into a corner. Flipping her cell phone open, she hit a number, holding the phone to her ear. When the answer came she sighed a little. "Hey. I'm coming over."

-

Bucky raised a brow as Rowan stepped out of the kitchen in a tornado of tension and anger. He was used to her frustrations, though they hadn't ever been directed towards him. He couldn't help but feel slightly guilt ridden at his part in her father's requests. The other man had been on uneven footing with the healer, he didn't need to take Bucky down with him. Especially not when they had finally gotten their feelings out in the open. His eyes locked on to the Sorcerer, who was still staring after his daughter. Feeling the rage bubbling up inside of him, Bucky had to avert his gaze for a moment. Attacking Stephen Strange was not the way to go.

"I can feel your rage, boy. Do not blame this on me. It is for the best and you know it. Rowan has a habit of falling into things head on with no prior thought. She is not a fighter. She will be angry, but she will, in the end, make a choice. And it will keep her alive." the man said, still watching the doorway with a pensive look on his features. When the sound of a door slamming echoed through the house, he turned to face the assassin. "She has gone somewhere. Presumably to calm herself."

"Alone?" Bucky asked, his anger flashing to the forefront again.

"Undoubtedly. The child is headstrong and stubborn. And when provoked, tends to act purely on impulse. This is why preparing her for what is to come is quite pertinent. I fear that she could hurt herself." Strange mused, though he had no worry on his face.

"You're awfully calm for a man whose daughter just ran off in a huff." Bucky said, sipping his coffee.

"She's quite safe. For now. I would almost bet money on her location." he said, his steely eyes landing on the assassin. "If you fear for her, by all means, come. I will take you to her. May I perhaps suggest a shower first?" the sorcerer teased, an amused look on his face. "By the gleaming Eye of Agamotto, the two of you will be the death of me. One of you has to learn to keep their head on straight, Mr. Barnes. Running after her with no preparation or thought, even in this minor situation could have dire consequences."

"If she's in danger, I'd rather find her than sit around making plans." Bucky replied shortly, moving out of the kitchen as soon as Steve was present, fixing himself some food.

Strange eyed Steve as the other man moved about the kitchen. His stone-faced demeanor told the sorcerous doctor that he was still feeling insignificant next to Bucky's impressive abilities. While erasing memories had done the assassin no favors, his innate ability to fight, and his violent nature were huge assets to the team. The man knew that if it weren't for Rowan, Bucky would still be a lurking danger. With a shake of his head, he moved into his favorite meditation position, levitating a good five feet off the ground. Letting his eyes flutter closed again, he let his subconscious flicker out of his mortal body, seeking the connection that would lead him to his daughter. It didn't take him long. As he had suspected, she had sought out friends to ease her mind. She had felt betrayed, that much was clear. Strange had to wonder if he had pushed too far. He had just recently been allowed near her without having to endure the girl's scathing comments. He feared now, that he had been pushed two steps back. Rowan had to understand it was for her own good. Without her, Bucky was a wild card.

* * *

**_AN~  
_**_Back again with another update!  
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I'm working on the next chapters as well, so there's some cool stuff coming up  
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Thanks so much for all of the support!  
Your views, reads, follows and reviews mean the world!_

Hallow


	25. Chapter 25

"I just don't understand why those are my only two choices." Rowan muttered angrily. "Thor uses a hammer for fucks sake. No one bothers _him _to use firearms." she added, eyeing the large blonde male with slight contempt. She had taken refuge in Avengers Tower, where Thor had brought Jane to meet Tony. The other earth woman was enthralled with all of Tony's cool toys, asking about a million questions as Rowan made herself comfortable at the bar. Not even the elevator ride had deterred her from her destination, and Tony had seemed quite glad to see her. She watched the group of three, her back resting on the bar, a cold beer in her hand. "Honestly, I live in a house of conspirators."

"Mjolnir is magic, Daughter of Strange. You cannot be a warrior with no weapon, magic or otherwise." the large god said, his own weapon clutched in his large hand, dangling at his side. He was clad in less flashy clothing, simple jeans and a black shirt that were undoubtedly Jane's doing. His hair was much longer than it had been the last time she had seen him, though he looked considerably less cocky.

"I have weapons. Daggers." Rowan argued.

"Those will not suffice in a fight to the death. War is not won from tiny knives." Thor said, his blue eyes watching the little healer. "You were born of two enchanted people. Why not take your father's offer? Even your name has magical origin."

"It's just a name." Rowan muttered.

"Not true, little healer. Names hold power. Many on my realm call the Rowan tree 'Thor's Helper.' The goddess Rowan once saved me from certain death-"

"Here he goes..." Tony muttered from across the room. Rowan couldn't help but smirk in the dark haired man's direction.

"I was drowning in a river when a single red-berried branch extended of it's own accord and pulled me to safety. And the healing properties are unparalleled." the large blonde god spoke, using his hands to accentuate his words. "You are a healer, no?"

"You know I am." Rowan replied, her eyebrow raising in curiosity. "So I was named for a goddess?"

"Indeed! And you have lived up to the title quite gloriously, from what I understand. You flourish in extreme situations, you heal, and you have a fire inside of you that warms all that come into contact! You are protective of those you care for. You are a woman of earth magic, are you not?" Thor said, his eyes sparkling with the joy of being able to tell tales.

"Self proclaimed. Why?" Rowan asked, cautiously.

"Is it not in your nature to invoke the power of the trees around you? The very earth itself bends to your will. Why, you must be familiar with Yggdrasil. You connect yourself to it when you heal, It would only make sense you've studied other life and it's healing properties. Though.. your tree is known for it's red berries. In fact, most other beings of the title are red of hair."

"I'm no red-head. Though..." Rowan replied, trailing off. Her mind drifted to Ruby for a moment, wondering exactly how connected everything in her life was. Ruby hadn't had red hair either, though the name was connection enough. "In a past life, my name was Ruby. I was no healer then. Just a girl in a doomed relationship. It's no matter. Those memories are not all pleasant, nor relevant. Interesting information you have there, Thunder god."

"All memories are important. -" Thor began, though Tony had other ideas.

"You're giving me a headache, big guy. Rowan, be a dear and pour me a drink." he said, moving away from Jane, who was still quite enthralled with his computer system. "You seem dead set on your refusal to learn firearms. I don't put a lot of stock into this magical stuff, but Strange knows what he's talking about and we have quite a lot of proof that Magic is... real. It couldn't hurt. How's the Soldier's arm?"

Rowan moved to acquiesce to Tony's demand , tossing Thor an apologetic glance. Tony had a bad habit of pulling all of the attention toward him. Then again, the thunder god had given Rowan more than enough to think about. Had she remembered her readings, she would have made the connection between her name and the things she was capable of. She knew her father had no part in her title, and her mother probably couldn't have cared less. It made her wonder exactly who had given her the name she held. She knew enough that names held power. Perhaps she was doomed to this life when she was born. Or before. While she thought, she poured Tony a glass of his favorite, top shelf bourbon, sliding the glass to the billionaire wordlessly. It had taken her a moment to realize he had asked her a question. Shaking her thoughts away, she met the man's eyes. "Sorry. Ah, he's fine. Except... well. Have you spoken to the director lately?" she asked, avoiding Coulson's name in case the lot of them were under the impression that he was still dead.

"Son of Coul?! He was here just before you arrived! His announcement was surprising." Thor said, almost beaming. He seemed to be thrilled about Phil's promotion. It appeared that Rowan was not the only one who was growing quite fond of Phil Coulson.

"He mentioned sending you to some warehouses." Tony said, bringing the conversation back down. "Brought over a young little thing with a smart mouth and an affinity for electronics. Computers in particular. I don't trust her as far as I can throw her with my information, but Coulson seems to like her."

"Yeah. Her name is Skye. Resident hacker for the newborn S.H.I.E.L.D. Between the two of you, we shouldn't have any problem rewriting the program that runs the new threat. Did he happen to mention what was in those warehouses?" Rowan asked.

"Super soldiers. If there are more than one of your new friend, we've got to get those places emptied and quick. Without drawing attention to what we're doing." Tony said, sipping his drink.

"Mmm. Except they're not like Bucky. Not really. In a sense, Bucky was their greatest accomplishment and their biggest failure. From what I understand, Bucky was one of the last ones they left any humanity in. I'll have to question the people involved, and I'll get you some tech to work with if I can. But I don't think these are actually...people anymore. At least that's what Doc says. I'm finding it hard to swallow, but that was the info. They're taking humans and turning them cyborg. And that was far more dangerous than Bucky. These people can't be saved." Rowan said, with a deep frown. "As far as drawing attention, that's the understatement of the century. We're all fugitives. Our organization is the enemy, thanks to those dickheads at HYDRA. Everything we do needs to be under the radar. Undetectable. We have to be ghosts. I know that's going to be a little difficult for Mr. "Announce my address on live television" over here. As far as these new Soldiers, I'm under the impression that they're fairly indestructible."

"Oh, yeah I see your aversion to firearms now. That's not going to help you against a robot." Tony said, ignoring her jab at him entirely.

"They're not full robot." Rowan countered.

"No, but depending on how they've got them programmed, you shoot one, they're going to keep moving at you. Robots don't feel pain. While Bucky seems to be connected to his arm, while he feels the pain, these guys may not. HYDRA are dangerous foes for a reason. They're smart, and they don't make the same mistake twice. Usually. Especially when they realize that the Winter Soldier is no longer their creature. You need to short the system. Bullets aren't going to do that unless you're a really good shot. Considering you've never touched a gun in your life, you're not. Think of it this way. I'm in the Iron Man suit, they can take me down because I'm just a guy in a metal suit. I send an Iron Man drone out, they're toast." Tony said. "I can't be touched."

"They're not drones. They're still men." Rowan argued. "Or they're still made of flesh and bone. Partially." she added, her own argument sounding far too weak to hold up.

"That's where you're wrong. They're circuited to take commands from a computer system. Or one man who holds the program. Either way, they may have flesh, but they're closer to drones than to humans. They're not going to be allowed to feel pain. Or so I'd assume. Coulson gave me the lowdown. What you need is something to short circuit them long enough to get them back here. Magic seems like a good option." he said.

"Magic of that caliber could take me ages to learn. We don't have the time for that. Gods, why can't people just let me be a fucking agent instead of expecting more out of me?! I'm not an Avenger. I work behind the scenes." Rowan snapped, turning her back on the group and moving to the window. She was so wound up that she didn't hear the soft whir of the automatic door signaling a new visitor.

"You did work behind the scenes, and you did it well. But we can't afford that anymore. All of the people we have play a part in this. We're rebuilding. Plus. You can't be an Avenger. You don't have a flashy costume." Tony replied, undaunted by Rowan's snippy retorts.

"Oh, right. Excuse me while I dig out my hot pink spandex cat suit." Rowan muttered, turning to shoot Tony a glare. "Bucky! Hi." she gasped, her eyes falling on the blue eyed assassin as she realized there was another person in the room. His hair hung damp in his face, the concern in his eyes deep. He had very obviously rushed here after washing away his morning sparring session. "How did you know I was here? Oh. Thor! This is Bucky, Bucky, thunder god extraordinaire, human lover and Avenger." Rowan said, quickly making introductions. "And that's Jane, Thor's pet human, Science buff. I'll be honest, I don't know her well." she added, pointing toward the other woman.

Bucky offered a mere nod to Thor before moving toward Rowan. "Tony is a friend. I figured this was the most likely place." he replied as he made it to the healer, standing in front of her.

"Or Doc told you this was the most likely place." Rowan responded, her lips drawing into a thin line.

"He may have mentioned it, yes." Bucky replied, his eyes showing an amused sparkle. "I didn't mean to upset you." he said, his eyes boring into hers.

"It wasn't only you. I don't like being backed into a corner." Rowan said, dropping her eyes. She was beginning to feel bad for storming out of the house. Doctor Strange could handle her emotional outbreaks. Bucky was new to not only her, but the modern times in general. "Think of it this way. You attacked Billy for trying to corner you. I left the house so I didn't lose my shit on you two because I felt backed into a corner. Little bit of advice if we want...this...whatever it is to work out, Don't team up with my father."

"Trouble in paradise?" Tony asked, moving toward Bucky and Rowan, clearly eyeing Bucky's arm.

"Hardly." Rowan retorted, giving Tony a roll of her eyes. "Bucky's just new to things that piss me off."

"I'll make you a list." Tony joked, winking at the assassin. "Let's see. Well, you've already done the unforgivable. Teaming up with Strange is a no-no. Hot lava. However, considering our darling Rowan doesn't seem to hate him nearly as much as she used to, You're probably in the clear for that one."

"Tony. Shut up." Rowan said, glaring at him.

"Oh, and then there's people. And mornings. Oh, and she also hates the desk clerk downstairs. Secrets are a big no-go." Tony continued, rattling off a list of things that he had witnessed Rowan's fury over. With a drink in one hand, he reached out and touched Bucky's cybernetic arm, ignoring the perfected death glare he was receiving from the healer. "Tell me, is this still functioning? How often did you get upgrades?"

"Oh jesus. Tony. Can you maybe quit being a weirdo? For like five minutes." Rowan muttered, taking Bucky by the arm and tugging him toward a set of sliding glass doors. Through the doors was another spacious room, complete with four brown leather couches and a fully stocked bar. Since the tower had been open to Avengers, more and more people stopped by on a regular basis. Tony wasn't always the greatest host, but he did at least make sure there was a comfortable meeting place for anyone who chose to come to the tower. "I'll be back in a minute." Rowan called over her shoulder to a dumbfounded Tony.

The two pairs of legs moved cautiously into the adjacent room, letting the glass slide easily closed behind them. The woman could see Tony rolling his eyes at her need to tug the assassin away. He was probably annoyed that he never got his answer. Rowan would speak with Tony about his comments afterward. First, she needed to smooth things out between her and Bucky. Letting her hands fall to her sides, she turned to the man. His face betrayed no emotion. It was an expression she had linked to his darker self, the assassin, the killer. Seeing it on him now was almost unnerving, especially after the progress they had made. Nipping the inside of her bottom lip, a sigh escaped her. With a deep breath filling her lungs, she stepped toward Bucky, one hand raising to touch the side of his face. His expression remained impassive, causing Rowan an almost unshakable worry. As her fingers moved slowly across his cheek, letting the rough stubble of his growing facial hair prick her fingers, he seemed to relax into the touch.

"You need to make a choice." he said, his voice considerably softer than his expression would betray.

"I know." Rowan replied softly. "I just don't like either of those choices."

"At least you have alternatives." Bucky responded, his lips forming a flat line.

"Don't start. You were in the military before they took you. The last time I even touched a gun, I ended my own life. You're familiar with these things. I'm not." Rowan said, once again letting her hand drop to her side.

"You were given a second chance. Same as me. S.H.I.E.L.D. is being given a second chance. You think they're going to keep you around with no weapon or defense skills? I don't trust them. I don't trust any organization. As soon as you prove yourself of no use, they get rid of you. You know too much for them to let you live. I'm not a part of this, but you are. I'd hate to have to become the enemy because you're being stubborn." Bucky said. His shoulders were straight as he towered over her, the no-nonsense pose he had was almost terrifying.

"They wouldn't get rid of me. They need me." Rowan argued, frowning deeply.

"Because you can heal them? Useful, sure. But when there's a mission that only you can do, and it turns out that you can't complete it because you refuse to push yourself and learn, you think your spot in their world is secure? I'm only saying this to help you, Doll." Bucky said.

"I'm not ready to take more lives." Rowan said.

"Then get ready. It never gets easy. Ever. But by taking the life of one man, you may be saving the lives of a hundred. It's the risk all of us have to take." Bucky said.

"Okay, but these people have families." Rowan argued.

"So do you. If there was someone threatening your family or friends, are you saying you wouldn't kill them? If HYDRA got their hands on me again and you had to take a life in order to save me. Or Tony. Or Steve? What then? These men and women in HYDRA? They are no friends. They have no good in them." Bucky said.

Rowan remained quiet, turning Bucky's words over in her head. Would she kill to save him? In a second. She knew that above all else. She had lost him one time and the outcome had been devastating. Would she kill for Steve or the Doctor? '_Yes. And Phil, Tony, Fury, Nat. All of them. I'd kill for all of them.'._ With a sigh, she nodded her head, deflating visibly. "I would kill for everyone. Even if I couldn't forgive myself for it, the mental anguish would be worse if I were to let any of you go. Especially if it was because I couldn't pull the trigger. So to speak."

"Then the choice is made." Bucky said, his expression lightening slightly. "I'm sure Director Coulson would be happy to assist you in firearms."

"No. Not Coulson. You. You're going to teach me." Rowan said, her honey gold eyes meeting his. This was not something she would budge on. She had bent enough in choosing to learn the one thing she hated above all else. Bucky was going to have to suck it up and assist her. He had been the one to corner her about the damned things opposite the doctor. He was going to be the one to help her learn. "You know more about weapons than anyone here or in Coulson's headquarters. You need to be the one to help."

* * *

**_AN~  
_**_Ho'boy. Chapter 25 already. I feel like this is going crazy fast.  
Super happy you guys are still with me for the ride. It's about to get bumpy again.  
Rowan is the only one I own.  
Thanks so much for all of the support!  
You make my stay at FF lovely._

Hallow


	26. Chapter 26

The weight of the weapon was heavy in the healer's shaking hands. Uncomfortable and foreign. Every step she took closer to the range was a nail in the coffin. The choice had been made for her. She knew it was the right thing. A couple of rounds in the underground shooting range of the Playground and she'd be at least half prepared for a stakeout. Coulson had given her more information and even let her question the scientists behind the Cybernetic technology. Rowan had wasted no time in transferring everything she could get to Tony. Stepping into place, she put the soundproof ear protectors on, letting Bucky move behind her to put her body in the correct position. She would have been distracted by the closeness if she hadn't been holding her most hated object. As a starter, Bucky had picked a simple, sleek black pistol, before giving her a brief lowdown. When he spoke, especially around guns, he was the trained assassin. The military expert. He was the Winter Soldier. It should have scared her, but it didn't. Rowan trusted Bucky more than she had ever trusted anyone. In that, she was giving him the power to break her. That realization made the gun in her hands considerably less terrifying. Healing from a bullet wound was painful, but preferable to healing from a mental wound. With that in mind, she raised the gun to the appropriate level and pulled the trigger.

The kick send a shock through her, part of her wanted to drop the gun and walk out. The noise was horribly loud despite the protective gear secured over her ears. With her teeth clenched against the discomfort, she took a breath. Shaking her head, she moved to set the weapon down and turn to make a comment. Bucky was there, his mouth a grim line, shaking his head in return. Holding his metal arm out, extending a single finger, he pointed in the direction of the target. His silence was enough. She knew she wasn't going to get out of it. Her eyes spoke volumes. '_I don't like you right now.'  
_  
_'I know.'_ He seemed to say back. It was strange that in such a little time, they seemed to be able to communicate with a look. Perhaps it was their acquaintance in a prior life. Perhaps it was the deep trust they had put in each other. Whatever the reason, the fact that they were stuck together was being driven home time and time again. Even though she wasn't particularly happy with him, she was glad, deep down, that she had asked him to teach her. Anyone else would have let her walk away. They'd have made snide comments, sure. But they would have let her go. Bucky, on the other hand, was determined to make her learn. He knew she wasn't going to be a weapons expert as he was. He knew it would take years of instruction, years they didn't have, to get her to even Natasha's level. But she was trying. Even if she hated every second of it, she was trying.

It had been a good several hours of bullets blasting through paper targets before Rowan began shifting her weight from foot to foot. Spending that amount of time on her feet was beginning to wear on her aching bones. Her bullet wounds from the Triskelion were healed, but her bones were probably never going to be one hundred percent okay again. She had pushed herself to her absolute limit, and finally, Bucky gently took the gun from her. As he put the piece back where it was from, Rowan removed the protective gear from her ears. Pressing a button, she watched as the paper target moved forward, her tenth one of the afternoon. A small grin spread across her lips. She had hit some fatal spots, and only after a few hours training. A sick feeling hit her just as sudden as the pride. She shouldn't be happy that she could effectively disable or even kill someone. That wasn't something to celebrate.

"You've made progress." Bucky said, a conversational tone in his voice. "You're a quick learner."

"I'm not sure how I feel about that." Rowan muttered.

"Well. Look at it this way. You've effectively just saved the good guys at _least _a dozen times over. We're coming back tomorrow, but at least now I can rest easy knowing you can defend yourself." he said.

"You know... You were the one that insisted Ruby get a gun. I found that gem in my log of memories that are not mine." Rowan said, her lips a flat line. Unsure of why she felt the need to bring that into conversation, she inwardly scolded herself. For trying to separate herself from who she was, she brought the other woman up an awful lot.

"Yeah. And you can handle things a little better now. I trust you not to fly off the handle and do something stupid." he said.

"Unless you die. The outcome would be the same." Rowan replied.

Bucky turned, tilting his head, before his expression softened. With a sigh, he pulled the healer into his arms and held her. "But I didn't actually die. Unless you see my body in a damn coffin, don't ever make that choice again. Because if I come back and find out you were that much of an idiot, I'll find a way to resurrect your ass and beat you." he replied.

"Oh, charming. Threatening spousal abuse." Rowan replied with a laugh, before stopping. "Or.. Um. Yeah, not spousal. That was incorrect."

"Was it?" Bucky asked, his eyebrow quirked toward the ceiling, half his mouth turned up in a wicked grin. "In any case. Don't be an idiot. We're going to make it through all of this. I made it through the last seventy years almost in tact. Now we have each other to fight for. You have your friends."

"They're your friends too." Rowan replied.

"That remains to be seen. They don't trust me. If it weren't for you and Steve, they would be hunting me down. With good reason. I did a lot of horrible things to a lot of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. I shed a lot of blood." Bucky said with a noncommittal shrug. "It's the way it is. If I'm not an asset, i'm a threat. That's not going to change. Not for a long time. Even if I chose S.H.I.E.L.D., I'd still be on thin ice."

"Then why are you helping us?" Rowan asked. The exact details of the things he had done were still a mystery to her. Regardless, she couldn't put the blame on him as the rest of her acquaintances seemed to be doing. Sure, he pulled the trigger, or even beat people to death with his bare hands. He may have done a lot of gruesome things, but she was determined to believe that all of those things were done under command. Not because he had control. '_Would it change your mind if he had been in control?' _Her mind wandered to a dark corner for a moment as she shifted her weigh to her other foot.

"I'm helping you. Because you helped me, and somewhere in between all of that, I fell in love with you. And now I'm with you for as long as you want me around." he replied. "Come on. Lets go get some food and let you sit down. I can tell by the way you're moving that you're in pain." he added, slipping an arm around her waist and gently guiding her to the elevator that would take them to the upper floors. He easily slid his ID card through the slot, causing the metal doors to slide open. Guiding Rowan in, he stepped in after her, not making any move to leave her side.

"Forever." Rowan replied, watching him from the corner of her eye.

"Hm?" Bucky asked, glancing down at her.

"You're stuck with me forever. If it ever came down to it, I would chose you over them. Whatever we have was founded before I was put into this body. It's stronger than the bonds I have with any of them. I would fight them for you. I don't want to have to. I'd rather our intents always run parallel. Realistically, I know that's not exactly entirely possible. But I would go against them if I had to. And that scares the living fuck out of me. It's known that I jump into things thoughtlessly. It's a fault of mine, and everyone knows it. I'm trying to get better, but that's a long process. But I know that no matter how much I work on that, if there was ever a situation where I had to chose you or them... it would be you. Every time. consequences be damned." Rowan said, her eyes dropping from his intense stare to the tile floor of the elevator.

"That's probably why they worry about you." Bucky said, a small grin on his down, he gently pulled her face to his, his lips claiming hers in a quick but possessive kiss. "Forever is fine by me, Doll. I won't ever put you in a position that you had to make a choice. I know how much you hate those important decisions." he said, smirking.

"I only hate choices that involve me and guns. But, I guess I didn't do so bad." She said, wishing they could stay in the elevator and use their mouths for kissing and not talking. '_I seriously just wished I could stay in an elevator. Damned Barnes making_ _me prefer things I hate.'_

"You did quite well. For an amateur g-"

"If you say 'girl', I swear to all things Stark that I will falcon punch you in the throat." Rowan said, her fingers finding the soft underpart of his arm and pinching.

"Ow! Okay, alright. You did well." Bucky said, jumping out of the elevator as soon as the door slid open. He had almost knocked Coulson over in his rush to be free of the elevator and Rowan's defense mechanism. "Sorry." he muttered to the director, who merely stood, his eyebrow up.

"It's quite alright. How did it go?" He asked Rowan as she stepped out of the elevator, her eyes dancing between irritation and amusement.

"Pretty alright. I pulled some triggers, hit some targets." she replied with a shrug. "He says I did okay." she added, nodding toward Bucky.

"I trust his word then. Being what he is." Coulson said with a nod. "We have more intel on the soldiers. I took it upon myself to cross reference the files you took from the Triskelion and see what the scientists knew of that set. The answers are... Probably not going to go over well. But you need to hear it from us before you go in blind."

Rowan's face went from amused to a mask of indifference in a matter of seconds. News like this was never good. Ever. Setting her jaw in a clenched line, she offered Coulson a nod. Bucky made a move to stand beside her again, his arm traveling around her waist to support her. "Let's get some food first. She turns into a grizzly when she doesn't eat, and I'd rather her get bad news on a full stomach." the assassin said.

"We'll talk over lunch then. Come on. We've got actual food in here now." Coulson said, offering Bucky a nod, unsurprised that the assassin had spoken as much. While Bucky was not keen on speaking around many people outside of Steve and Rowan, occasionally even Sam, the shock factor had worn off for everyone else.

"By the look on your face, I'm not sure I'm going to want to eat. How serious is it?" Rowan asked, falling into step beside Coulson. Her clothing was strange contrast to the two men in her presence. Agent she may be, she never quite got the hang of dressing for her job. All of the other agents got the fancy skintight suits. Rowan hadn't ever really been immensely involved, so she had always been allowed to wear what she wanted. As long as it wasn't offensive, Fury hadn't said much. Her choice in attire for the afternoon had been simple, dark blue distressed jeans, black lowtop converse, and a dark, burgundy shirt. The color was close enough to blood to hide any injuries she might have acquired from the shooting gallery. At least that's what her logic had been. A few rings adorned her fingers, things Clea had given her from the Dark Dimension. Charms and spells to make the healer a little more resilient. Despite all of her training, she was still quite human, and that made everyone uncomfortable. Especially with her habit of jumping headfirst into danger.

"It's serious. I'm glad you're here rather than me calling you. May offered to spar with you should you want to work on hand to hand. She's a good agent. We've had our differences in the past, and I'm sure she's already rubbed you the wrong way, but her intents are noble. She just wants everyone at their best. I need you to promise me something." Coulson said, pausing outside the cafeteria door. "What I'm about to show you? I need you to stay calm. I need your head on straight enough that we can make a plan. We have to play this all very carefully."

"This is making me more and more uncomfortable. If I can't promise you that?" Rowan asked.

"Then I can't show you. I need you on this, and I need you at your best." Coulson said, his face grim.

"I'm good. I can handle it. I'm assuming that you're setting up to send me out?" she asked.

"You'd assume correct. We don't have a team yet, but we don't have time. If these files are anything to go by, it's worse than we thought. It may go beyond smoking them out. Unfortunately, we only got a little bit of information from Cybertek. It's starting to look like that was only the tip of the iceberg. Cybernetic implants? That's only one part of what HYDRA's been toying with. There are things being dug up from decades ago. Things S.H.I.E.L.D. tried putting a stop to." his eyes flickered to Bucky for a second before walking into the cafeteria. Rowan wasted no time in following him in. She took a seat across from him as he made himself comfortable. Bucky loomed over her for a moment, his eyes flickering to each corner of the room before joining her at the table. Coulson slid the files to Rowan before speaking again. "I think the infiltration began a lot earlier than we thought. I don't know how long Pierce was in on it, but I don't like the way things are lining up."

Rowan took the file, carefully flipping through each of the stacks of paper. Some of the pieces were clippings from newspapers or ancient lined paper. Messy handwriting was scrawled across many of the pages, and there were pictures of many men, and women too. Some were black and white, others were in color. They seemed to cross the span of time, starting in the early 1940's and continuing up to present time. She had seen these pictures before, back when they took Bucky to see Tony about the cybernetic arm. The first day she found him outside of the threat. During the aftermath. Shaking her head, she frowned. "I've seen these ones. All victims of the soviets attempt at the super soldier program."

"Experiments. The rest of the folders were dug up from the scientists we've got detained. Current projects. Some of those men are still being used. The ones that lost their mind? They were the first ones to be fitted with cybernetic brain implants. If not more. There's a... folder on the Winter Soldier." Coulson said, his eyes landing on Bucky again. "Things we didn't know. He was a ghost before. Usually, when the organization came into contact with him, they didn't come out of it. He was the bogeyman to some of the younger agents in training. I'm starting to wonder if the reason he was such a specter is because S.H.I.E.L.D. was behind it." he finished, an apologetic glance toward the assassin.

"Why would S.H.I.E.L.D. send their weapon after their own? That doesn't make any sense." Rowan said.

"Perhaps for the same reason Pierce sent him after Fury. He was starting to suspect. That may not be the case. He was under Soviet control for the most part. HYDRA Was started by the Germans. Their paths ran parallel more often than not despite the inability to see eye to eye on much of anything. They had a common enemy. Us. So, Bucky was sent out on missions to protect what HYDRA was working toward. There's a lot of potential deaths caused by him. Can't even really call them crime scenes. I'm sorry to bring this up, but if you're going in, you have to know." he said.

"You're right. It's fine. I know what he is and what he was. I know exactly what he's capable of. Those ghosts are his own to contend with. All I can do is be here for him. That's not going to change." she said, shooting Coulson a look that told him exactly where her loyalties lie. "I believe he can be trusted."

"So does Steve. I'll trust the two of you. Aside from the Billy incident, he's shown no sign of threat." Coulson said, his eyes meeting the deep blue gaze of the assassin across from him. "No one else has seen that file. Aside from the scientists at Cybertek and HYDRA personnel. No one here aside from myself. The scientists have no idea we have you. You're-"

"An asset." Bucky replied shortly.

"I wasn't going to say that." Coulson said, his lips forming a thin line.

"It's the role I'm used to." the other man replied. "Make sure my existence remains unknown. Being a ghost may not be such a bad thing for you and your baby organization. These files may not be helpful aside from telling you prior victims."

"I know. That's why we need to get Rowan in and out of the next warehouse as soon as possible. I've got coordinates. I'm just not entirely sure how to play it." Coulson said.

"Where's the location?" Rowan asked, the wheels in her head beginning to turn.

"Remote location in Toronto. Seems like a heavily wooded area, but I would have to see it. Used to be an old reservation. Not anywhere I've been. Now that S.H.I.E.L.D. is the enemy, it's operating under HYDRA out in the open. It's another Super Soldier pit, though I don't know how many." Coulson said, pulling one of the files out from the bottom and opening it. Pointing a couple of things out, more pictures and the layout of the building. "Got these from Fury a couple of hours ago."

"Who runs it?" Rowan asked.

"That's the thing. We don't know. HYDRA has always operated under one uniform set of big guys. Schmidt, Zola, Zemo. None of those men have been relevant in a while. Schmidt is dead, Zemo's thought to be dead, and Zola is reduced to a computer." Coulson said shaking his head. "Whoever it is, they're pretty serious. Pierce was just a pawn in the big picture. We're up against a lot here, and at the worst time."

"How in the ever loving fuck do you expect me to get in and out of that place without attracting attention?" Rowan asked, eyeing the file.

"How are your acting skills?" Coulson asked.

"Pretty terrible. Why?" the girl responded, her eyes leaving the file to search Coulson's face. The expression she wore was one of supreme suspicion.

"Thanks to your brief liaison with Pierce, you're in the logs as HYDRA personnel. We can duplicate an I.D. badge, and send you in. Your skills must not be that bad if you got Pierce to trust you."

"I don't think he actually trusted me. In fact, I'm pretty sure that once he got what he wanted out of me, he would have had Bucky kill me. Can't have too many people knowing about the secret weapon." Rowan said, shaking her head. She could feel Bucky tense beside her ,as if the mere thought of Pierce's treachery had pissed him off.

"I wouldn't have done it." he said, his gaze on her face was sincere, but dark.

"You may not have had a choice. Regardless, we're both out of that." Rowan replied, moving her hand to twine her fingers with his. "So you're saying you want me to essentially play Spy? That's not exactly something I've ever done. Ever. Not in my range of skills."

"Doesn't matter. Even if you are in the computer, most of the personnel there won't know you. The only people that ever saw you were in the Triskelion. There's a major plus side of being previously based in New York. None of these agents knew who you were. They can do their background check and see you're a turncoat. That's what we want. We need to know whose in charge and we need to know their main base of operation. I don't expect to get all of that right away. But any little bit of information helps. You're the only one who can do this." Coulson said.

"What if they figure me out?" Rowan asked, finding herself filled with dread.

"You get out and blow them up." Coulson said, his face grim. "We're preparing the tech and weapons. Ever use a grenade?"

"I have." Bucky answered before Rowan could, though the girl merely shook her head. "I've used everything you could possibly outfit her with. And I think I have an idea that'll make this more credible." he added, taking comfort in the healer's touch. He knew that it was all terrifying. With his memories being wiped before every mission, he forgot what it was like to feel nerves. The things he had done over and over had been under command. Brainless. He had been more machine than man, his precision unmatched. Now he felt the beginnings of fear. Things he wasn't comfortable feeling. It wasn't that he was scared for himself, but for the woman who had saved him. The woman who blatantly said she would chose him over all else. He felt as if this mission would be a turning point. Not only for S.H.I.E.L.D, but for Rowan as well. Training was nothing compared to a real mission. She would be taking lives. There was no way around it. Her body count was going to pile up, whether or not she could deal with it. Whether or not _he _could deal with it. He wanted redemption. And escape from the memories an horrors he committed, yet he was putting himself in the position to end more lives. There was no other choice for him to make. He loved the healer. Probably more than he should. He was willing to go to great lengths to make sure they both made it out alive, even if they were heading toward mutual mental messes.

"Bucky, you don't have to-"

"I'm not letting you go alone, Doll. You need backup, and I'm the best there is." he responded, giving the healers hand a squeeze.

"You've done enough already. I made you train me. I made you get involved in an organization even though you didn't want to." Rowan protested, shaking her head.

"You didn't make me do anything. I had choice. I chose you." the assassin replied easily, his eyes moving to Coulson.

"It's probably best you let him assist. You haven't faced anything like this before. I know you're concerned for the men and women that were tested on. If you should attempt anything other than taking them out, I need to know someone's there to set it right." Coulson said.

"You don't trust me?" Rowan asked, narrowing her eyes, the honeyed hue darkening slightly.

"Until I know you can make it through a mission without playing nurse to a cybernetic man, no." Coulson replied. He seemed apologetic, though firm.

"I've heard that they're not safe or redeemable at least seventy times." Rowan replied flatly, her irritation spiking.

"Hearing and seeing are two different things." Coulson said. "One more thing. I got a little bit of intel on the land from Fury. You may remember the place. Your mother's tribe? HYDRA wiped them out to set up base there under the guise of S.H.I.E.L.D. You were born there before the place was constructed. I don't know for sure, but HYDRA may have kept some of the tribesmen. You need to be prepared to see familiar faces."

* * *

_**AN~  
**__Another update. They're a little slower coming than usual. I ended up downloading Final Fantasy x-x2 HD remastered, so I've been all nostalgic. I'm a huge gamer as well as an artist and a writer, and sometimes I get distracted entirely by one of my hobbies. Such is the life of Hallow. In any case, thanks so much for putting up with me! I love you all for the reads, reviews, faves, and follows. I'm super flattered. You are all so wonderful.  
__As always, Rowan belongs to me, but the rest of the characters featured belong to Marvel._

Hallow


	27. Chapter 27

With a perpetual pounding headache in her temples, the healer remained sitting at her desk, her room dark. She wasn't even entirely sure what time it was, though she knew it had to have been well past four in the afternoon. She'd woken up for her run with the men, and blundered through her sparring session and even managed to drift through shooting practice. After a shower, she shut herself into her bedroom to become familiar with the layout of the building she was about to infiltrate. The hours until go-time were ticking away quicker than she was comfortable with. The men had all noticed her distracted demeanor, but none had said much about it. Questioning glances from Bucky had made the woman feel immensely guilty. After they had opened up so much, even going so far as to admitting their feelings, she was the one shut away in her own head. How could she possibly admit to them that it was fear. An intense, gripping, almost crippling fear of what the following day would bring. The more she let the thoughts fester in her head of everything that could go wrong, the harder it was to breathe. Realistically, she knew that there wasn't much of a chance of her making it out alive. Coulson hadn't given her much by way of exit strategy. '_Blow them up.' _he had said. "Right. Blow them up." Rowan muttered scathingly into the empty room. Running her fingers through her loose hair, gripping the handfuls hard enough to push more pain into her body, she leaned back in he chair, away from the file that had been consuming her every waking moment outside of physical preparations.

Every word, every tiny bit of punctuation, every line in the layout was burned into the back of Rowans eyes. In her entire life, she'd probably never forget this mission. Should she make it out and blow the place up, she could reconstruct the building with how familiar she was with the paperwork. But paperwork wasn't going to help her. Nothing was going to help her. Coulson's grand idea wasn't much more than walking up to the door and pretending to be HYDRA personnel. Bringing the soldier back home. Shaking her head, a sarcastic sound escaped her lips, something between a laugh and a huff. There was no bloody way this was going to work. None. Part of her wondered how founded Bucky's mistrust of S.H.I.E.L.D. was. Was she wrong to tie her allegiances to them? Coulson seemed like a nice enough man, but he was still an agent, no, _Director _of S.H.I.E.L.D. The organization that was the enemy. '_I should have never answered that call from Fury.'_ she thought, recalling the way all of this began. Had she known then that she'd be entering into one of the most horrifying missions of her life, possibly the one that would put her in the ground, she may not have left the old apartment to help Tony with his panic attacks. '_But Bucky.' _She wouldn't have found him either.

Was it all worth it? She had to ask herself. She was part of a group of fugitives, living with a known assassin. No, in _love _with a known assassin. One of the most dangerous to have ever been trained. She was being sent into a situation where one wrong step could cost her everything. And despite her feelings for the killer in her home, they were still in a strange stasis. Feelings had been admitted. That was it. They were somewhere between friends and something else. Something neither of them had touched on. Would it even matter if they _had _progressed further? '_I'd still be heading to my death tomorrow, official statuses or not.' _She thought to herself, sighing heavily. As her eyes fell on the desk again, they roamed over the familiar pages, the miscellaneous pens scattered everywhere, finally landing on her large mug. Leaning forward to peer inside the ceramic, noticing her tea was gone, she grumbled, standing. '_Might as well get a refill before I close myself off again.' _Wrapping her fingers around the mug, she stood and moved out into the dark hallway. The soft sounds of the television could be heard from the living room, though she couldn't decipher what was playing. She couldn't even tell who was sitting in there. As she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the hallway air, she padded silently through the home, feeling almost as if she should be saying goodbye to the short lived place she had grown used to. Perhaps she should be saying her farewells to Steve and Sam, who wouldn't be going with them. Coulson had asked them to go on another smoke out mission. Something about making use of all of their people while they could.

As if of their own accord, her fingers brushed lightly across Steve's closed door. Though they hadn't worked together long, she had grown fond of his 'Moral Oral' convictions. Out of all of them in the house, he was the most likely to always do the right thing. It was just who he was. She had grown to appreciate his utter confusion at some of the current things in this world. He still couldn't wrap his head around things like 'the Jersey Shore'. Both he and Bucky had been a laugh riot to introduce to all of the ridiculous new trends. '_This is what you're defending so valiantly, Steve. I'd quit if I were you.'_ Rowan had said to him one day after showing him some obnoxious pop star disrespecting his fans. The good Captain America had told her she was defending the same thing. That wasn't true. Rowan was merely trying to stay alive in a world hellbent on testing her. Pushing her to her absolute limits. Now that Bucky was here, she found she wanted to live. Perhaps that was why she was so terrified of the mission tomorrow. She hadn't been able to be with him before. In her past incarnation. Now that she was able to spend the time with him, it felt as if everything was being ripped away again. '_And you still seal yourself away.' _Her subconscious almost sneered. '_All that's happened and you're still the biggest contradictory recluse you ever have been. That poor man.'_ the voice scolded. With a shake of her head as she moved past Steve's doorway, she had to admit to herself that her thoughts were right. She had no right to fret, no reason to act the way she was. She wasn't alone in the mission. Bucky would be with her, and she was behaving as if it was a solo situation.

When she finally reached the living room, she found that it was Sam in the living room, watching some sports game with Bucky seated in the leather recliner, his expression not amused. When his eyes met hers, a brief flash of concern moved across his expression before hurt. And then he returned his gaze, expressionless to the television. Pursing her lips with a small nod, Rowan straightened her tense shoulders and stepped into the kitchen. Passing her hand over the light switch, she flicked the light on and moved to the tea kettle on the stove. A quick shake of the metal item told her that it was at least half full. Flicking the stove on and setting the metal back down, she moved to the cupboards to grab some loose herbs and her screen cage spoon. She could feel his presence more than hear him.

"Any reason you've been holed up in your room all day?" Bucky asked, his voice flat, toneless. Rowan turned to see him, arms crossed, his body leaning against the door frame. A black shirt hugged his torso, accenting all of the muscles he had trained to upkeep. His cybernetic arm gleamed in the kitchen light, his shoulders were tense. He was not happy. Rowan could tell as much, despite his habit of falling into his monotonous, expressionless demeanor. Rowan knew him well enough to detect the hurt beneath the lack of clue on his face.

"I was reading the file." she replied simply, resting her back against the counter as she turned to face him.

"Looking for what?" the man pushed, his hair hanging at the sides of his face. He stood so still it was almost creepy. As if he was poised to take action. Like a large predator.

Rowan sighed, running her fingers through her hair. Tilting her head back, she let her honeyed eyes fall closed. He didn't deserve this. Her silence. Her habit of running from the things that scared her. And she most certainly didn't deserve him. "Courage. Sanity. Anything that'll tell me for sure that I'm going to make it out of this fucking snake pit alive tomorrow." she replied, her eyes still resting closed.

"You're looking in the wrong places." his voice replied, though he was still perched in the doorway, not even a single millimeter closer to her.

"Am I?" Rowan asked, exhaustion saturating the words she spoke. Finally she lifted her eyelids to meet the beautiful blue eyes of the one person she trusted above all others.

Finally, as if an eternity had passed, Bucky moved toward the golden-eyed healer, his steps silent on the floor. He moved slowly, the way he moved almost terrifying her. The way his muscles rippled under his shirt, she slow, painstakingly slow movement. His blue eyes never left hers as he stepped effortlessly into her personal space, his hands braced on the counter behind her. With his dark gaze on her, the way every emotion he was hiding flashed through his eyes, Rowan was completely aware of exactly how close he was. Close enough but not touching. Whe wanted to touch him, but let him have the upper hand. Let him have the power. She was afraid that if she made a move, it would shatter the moment. Like she was afraid that if she walked out the door tomorrow, she would lose him again by losing herself. She could see him thinking, watch the way his eyes showed her every thought in his head. As if he was searching for the right words to say. Opting for silence for just a moment, Bucky merely watched her, peering straight into her soul with those beautiful eyes.

"I can't promise you that we're going to make it out tomorrow. I wish that I could give you that much. But hiding from things isn't going to make you safer. It's not going to ensure anything. Stop hiding from me, Rowan. We're in this together. I wouldn't have volunteered to help you if I didn't think that you had a chance to get out. I would have killed to keep you out of there." the man said, finally wrapping his arms around the smaller frame of the woman.

"We have no exit plan, Bucky." Rowan muttered against his chest as she wrapped her own arms around him, clutching as if he was the one thing that would save her. His soft heartbeat in her ear was a small comfort.

"If I ever had an exit plan before I don't remember it. Lets worry about getting there and getting in first. One step at a time." He said, his fingers moving to twine into her hair, stroking the soft strands. It was as much a comfort for him as it was her.

"I can't help but worry." she said.

"You're overanalyzing. That's going to be the biggest problem." he replied.

"Because I'm scared." she replied against his chest.

"Fear is a mind killer." Bucky said. "You think anyone else feels completely calm before a mission. There are a lot of things that could go wrong. For everyone. Despite cut and dry orders, there are a lot of factors. I've been through this all a million times. One step at a time, Doll. We can do this. I need you to be strong. We can't be weak links. We're a team."

"We both know you're far stronger than I am." she protested, shaking her head lightly.

"Physically maybe. But you're tough. And you're not going to have any chance to get through anything if you don't get some rest." Bucky said, his body remaining planted firmly in front of her. "And you need to stop avoiding this."

"I'm not. I... Okay. I am. I just feel like something is going to go terribly wrong. And I know Doc would tell me '_If you believe it will go wrong, it will. Be careful what you manifest.'" _She said in a near perfect impersonation of the Sorcerer Supreme. "And I'm trying not to manifest anything. I'm pretty sure I know the layout of that place more intimately than anyone who actually works there. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"It'll be useful. But don't let on that you know. Otherwise they'll know something's up." he instructed. "Rowan, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you that."

"Don't make promises that you aren't a hundred percent sure you can keep. This isn't just you and I, Buck. It's an entire facility full of HYDRA agents. We know that we can take care of each other, but there are a lot of wild cards."

"No. We're the wild cards. And we can get out of this. We will. Now get some sleep. We've got a meeting with Tony as soon as we wake up, and then we're headed to Toronto." he said.

"I think it'll be better if I look a little harried. It might sell the story better." Rowan said, shaking her head.

"You're just saying that to fight sleep. Come on. I'll tuck you in." he said, a small grin on his lips.

"If you come into my room, Barnes, you're not leaving, and there will be no tucking." Rowan said, finally breaking out of her worry. The mere thought of Bucky in her room was enough to let heat creep into her cheeks. He was painfully close still, he hadn't moved even an inch, yet she could feel a shift in his demeanor. He was not longer comforting, nor was he the cold assassin. Her words seemed to have ignited something, his gaze upon her was scorching. Neither of them seemed to notice the shrill, high pitched shriek coming from the stove until Sam poked his head into the kitchen.

"Uh, guys- " he began before clamping his mouth firmly shut. He watched as the assassin turned slowly, the look on his face was enough to shrivel a lesser man on the spot. "My bad. Uh. I'll just.. be watching the game."

"I'm going to shut that off." Rowan muttered as soon as she got her breathing under control. Slipping out from under Bucky's arms, she stepped to the stove and flicked the dial into the off position. She could feel her heart thudding in her chest for reasons completely unrelated to fear. As she slid the tea kettle off the scalding burner, she felt arms clamp around her waist a little roughly, but not enough to hurt. Just enough of an indicator that she was not getting out of anything. Thankfully, she caught herself before she made a noise of shock. The last thing she needed was to alert anyone else in the house to what was transpiring in the kitchen. "Room. I'm not much of an exhibitionist." she said, unable to hide the smirk on her lips.

That was enough of a go ahead for Bucky to shift position and lift her up, bridal style, and move swiftly but silently toward the hallway. She could see the devil's grin glued to his lips, making her heart almost stop entirely. Gods, this man was going to be the death of her. She just knew it. Catching Sam's own smirk, she flipped him a finger before Bucky managed to get her into her room, setting her as gently as he could on her bed. It wasn't actually all that gentle, and it had been any other time, she was sure her bones would have screamed in protest, but as it was, the way Bucky was immediately hovering over her, devil's grin, eye's flashing, she probably could have been bleeding from bullet wounds and not given a shit. Wasting no time, her fingers found their way to the hem of the form fitting shirt he was wearing, peeling it away from his torso. "This looks great on you and all, but it'll look far better on my floor." she half-whispered with a sharks grin of her own lighting up her face in a devious way. Bucky allowed her to pull the clothing over his head before he was back hovering, his own hands running up her sides , catching her black tank top on the way.

"Then yours can join it." he replied through his smile. His voice was hoarse, his eyes glued to her bra-clad torso. Swallowing hard, he had to remind himself to breathe. He'd seen girls in various states of undress, that much was true. He had been quite the ladies man during his days before the capture. But that had been such a long time ago. Women's undergarments had certainly gotten smaller in the past seventy years, and he found himself unable to complain all that much about it.

"I guess I'm okay with that." Rowan replied, tilting her head at his expression. Lifting her body enough to wiggle out of the shirt, she put her hands on his chest, forcing him back to sit on the edge of the bed as she stood to seductively slide out of the loose yoga pants on her legs. With a small move of her leg, she kicked the material behind her in a way that mirrored a burlesque routine. In seconds, she was on his lap, straddling him, her fingers moving into his hair and pulling only slightly. With a low growl, his lips were on hers, roughly kissing, taking complete control of her mouth. The rest required no words, as the rest of their clothing joined the pile on the floor. There was no more pauses, no more longing gazes. No more time wasted. The last cognitive thought that crossed the healer's mind was something along the lines of being quiet before she was lost in an explainable bliss. With Bucky, silence was not an option.

* * *

_**AN~  
**__Oh boy. Things are getting serious now.  
Forgive me for any iffy writings here, I'm not exactly master 'intimacy author' here.  
Hopefully it's still readable.  
I own Rowan, but everyone else belongs to Marvel.  
Thanks for all the follows, reads, reviews, etc.  
You're all stellar!  
_~  
Hallow.


	28. Chapter 28

Quick showers become incredibly difficult when sharing the water with a bed partner. Despite the rough evening prior, Bucky was not done with his healer. He didn't think he'd ever be done with her. The way her pale skin seemed to glow in the dim light of her bedroom as she was writhing underneath him only made him want her more. Her soft moans and the violent way she clutched his back had only pushed him further over the edge. He was sure they both had their fair share of bruises. She had tried to slip out of bed at the sound of her alarm to get ready for the day ahead, but he was having none of it. Not after she finally let him in. Not after that. It could very well be the last time they'd be able to be intimate for a while depending on the way the mission went. He wasn't about to let that opportunity slip away. Instead, he pushed his way into the bathroom behind her.

"Bucky I have-" she began, but didn't get to finish as his lips crashed down onto hers, stopping any protest she could have made.

"You really think I believe your protests, doll?" he murmured against her lips as he easily lifted her onto the counter, smirking at the way she immediately wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Had to try." she said, her voice low and raspy from both sleep and use only a few short hours earlier.

"Your attempts are futile." he replied, losing himself in her, his brain shutting down against anything other than the way she felt moving against him. He struggled to remember to be gentle with her. Especially with the way she gasped, clawing his arms, wrapping her fingers into his hair and tugging. And the biting. Oh, the biting.

When they were finished, with the hot water cascading over their bodies, washing away the sweat and sleep, he found himself watching her still. Always watching. He wanted to burn her image into his brain. Every facet of her. Her anger, her passion. Her cheeky faces and sarcasm. He couldn't imagine letting anyone else be this close to him, and he knew she felt the same. He could see her watching him too, out of the corner of her eye.

"What?" she asked, wringing the water from her long hair.

"Nothin'. Just enjoying the view." he replied, his lips curling into his trademark grin.

"Oh? Good to know that despite all the bullet holes and scars you still enjoy it." Rowan replied, huffing a laugh and shaking her head.

"Don't forget the bruises." Bucky retorted, his thumb brushing across a purpled spot on her hip.

"Those too. Except those are your fault." she said, smirking.

"Mm. Yeah. Sorry about that." he murmured. "If it's any consolation, I've got bite marks." he eyes glued to hers.

"Oops." she said, not sounding even remotely apologetic. Her eyes danced in a mischievous way as she assessed the damage he had mentioned. Her fingers feathered lightly across his skin, her smirk only deepening at the sharp intake of breath Bucky emitted. His hand encased hers, pressing it against his skin, his eyes falling closed, blocking the beautiful blue eyes from sight in a mask of bliss. "Something tells me you don't mind." she murmured, watching as a small shake of his head broke his stillness.

Rowan gasped as a pounding on the door startled them out of assessing their love-wounds. A male voice carried through the door over the rushing noise of water. Bucky's eyes shot open, the murderous expression enough to coax a laugh out of the healer. The last laugh she'd probably have in a while. With a small, sad smile, the girl waited for the news from the other side of the door. "Rowan, Tony's on the phone. Want me to take a message?" Steve called through the closed door.

"No, I'm done. I'll be right out in like five seconds." the girl responded, rolling her eyes and stepping out from the warm water. Bucky watched as she wrapped a towel around d her body, mentally cursing Steve for ruining the moment. Then again, both he and Rowan had responsibilities to S.H.I.E.L.D. responsibilities that couldn't be carried out by hiding from the world in each other's embrace. Rowan moved toward the door as soon as she was appropriately clad in a towel, opening it to grab the cell phone from Steve's hand and pad in the direction of her bedroom. Bucky caught the red creeping into Steve's cheeks as closed the door behind her, leaving Bucky to finish showering alone. And probably leaving Steve flustered in the hallway.

-

"Yes dear?" Rowan spoke into the receiver of Steve's phone as she balanced the device between her ear and her shoulder. Pulling on her clothes while on the phone was proving to be a challenge. Her jeans were proving to be the worst of the difficulties, as her fingers fumbled with the brass button above her zipper. '_If only getting clothes on went as smoothly as getting them off,' s_he thought to herself before a sardonic snort of a laugh escaped her.

"You're late." Tony said, though he didn't sound concerned. Nor did he acknowledge her outburst of laughter. Out of everyone she knew, Tony was the most accustomed to her outbursts of laughter at things only she understood. "Usually I wouldn't care, but Doc's here waiting to see you off. Guess he's your transport."

"That's news to me. I'm working on it. Got held up." Rowan said, letting her mind flash back to the shower. Not even the thought of moving between planes for travel darkened her mood, which was surprising considering the shitstorm she was about to drop into.

"By what?" Tony asked.

"Woke up late." Rowan lied.

"You're a terrible liar. We're friends, you can tell me." Tony urged.

"The hell are you? Office gossip? If I wanted you to know, I'd have told you." Rowan retorted, huffing angrily as she struggled to pull her shirtsleeves over her arms without dropping the phone. "Hang on a sec, Putting you on speaker."

"Always with the secrecy. Secrets don't make friends, Flynn." Tony said, his voice now louder, coming through the speakers of the small phone rather than just the earpiece.

"Don't they? Guess you didn't get the memo then. Considering the fact that I know your basement is full of new iron man suits. Secrets, Stark. Secrets." Rowan retorted.

"At least I show up for meetings on time." Tony responded, almost petulantly.

"I could disagree." Rowan said, tugging a simple black shirt down over her sides, smoothing out any wrinkles before moving to brush the tangles from her hair.

"Not the point. Are you on your way yet?" he asked.

"As soon as Bucky's ready." Rowan spoke. Whatever was in her voice, apparently the way she said it had tipped Tony off.

"Did you... You have strange taste in men, you know that?"

"What do you mean?" Rowan asked, feeling her cheeks getting hot.

"Oh nothing. Just make sure you don't get yourself killed today. I don't care what you do as long as the mission isn't compromised." Tony said.

"What? Wait. You sound like Fury." Rowan said, almost angrily.

"A little less uptight, I hope. I'm just worried for your safety. Coulson told me that it's only you and Winter boy. No extraction plan. You're pretty much going in blind without a solid plan. I just don't want sex to cloud your judgement." Tony said.

"Awkward. It's not clouding my judgement." Rowan said, her mood darkening, despite her prior thought that it couldn't be ruined. She was wrong. Tony was the one person she could usually trust to have her back for the mere fact that she always had his. Plus, out of everyone who should be questioned about their taste in bed partners, she'd have thought Thor would be top of that list. Considering he was a God forsaking his duties for a mortal. At least Bucky and Rowan were both from the same planet. Neither of them had Godly duties.

"I'm not trying to be a dick.-"

"I don't think you've ever had to _try._"

"Look. I've made a lot of mistakes, Ro. Half of those mistakes could have been avoided had I been a little more selective when it came to women. And drinking. But that's beside the point. " Tony said. She could tell by the way he was speaking that he had just run his hand over his face, and he probably looked exhausted.

"As much as I'd love to talk about my sex life with you, Stark, I have better things to do. First of all, I know Doc is there and the last thing I need is for him to know. Second, It's my choice. If whatever happened ruins anything, that's on me. But for the record, it was worth it." Rowan said. "That aside, The mission will go as well as it can. It's a death sentence going in, it can't exactly get much worse." she said, lifting her gaze to see Bucky standing in her doorway, watching her, as he always did. He was clad in the clothing he wore when she first met him. The all black pants, military boots tied securely to his feet. His leather top was secured close with the various straps across his chest. The metal arm was exposed, though the other was encased in black fabric. His hands were in fingerless gloves, and several large hunting knives were strapped to his body. Even his facial hair was looking scruffy, the same five-o-clock shadow that covered his jaw when he was found in the basement of the Triskelion. She took a moment to step toward him, standing on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his lips, a small gesture to let him know that she still trusted him. Still loved him. Despite the killer lurking behind his eyes, she had handed over her heart and she had no intention of getting it back.

"Okay. Alright. Answer me this. Does he make you happy?" Tony asked.

"Don't you think you'd know if he didn't? I'm not exactly secretive when it comes to the things that displease me." Rowan said, sitting at her desk in front of the mirror to apply her makeup. Sighing, she watched Bucky perch on the edge of her bed through the mirror, sitting among the disheveled sheets, an indicator of the night they had shared. "Yes. The answer to that is yes." The girl didn't bother switching back to a private conversation. Tony's voice carried through her room, now reaching Bucky's ears. It was far easier to let him hear the words being exchanged. That way, he would know where Rowan stood without having to be relayed any messages. It wasn't as if he didn't know how the rest of the existing members felt about him. He didn't trust them any more than they trusted him. And he seemed content with that. At least they were all on the same page.

"That's all I need to know. You don't need my approval, but you have my support." Tony said. "Now get your ass over here. We've got a few toys to send with you."

"Oh joy." Rowan muttered, gathering the things she'd need into her leather satchel and pulling a jacket on over her torso. "See you in a minute" she said, before hanging up. "Can you go give this to Steve? I'm going to call Clea. I think we've wasted enough of Tony's time."

As Bucky stood with a solemn nod, pacing out of her room with the phone in hand, she watched him go. Tony had feared Bucky would be a distraction. Rowan thought for a moment. Had it been wise? Nipping the inside of her lip, she smiled to herself. '_Oh fuck yes.' _She thought to herself. If anything, she was less nervous now than she was the night before. The fear was there, sure. Glaring her in the face. but instead of crippling her, knocking the breath out of her, she was able to stand tall and face the terror. She felt able to handle whatever the trip would throw at her. After dialing Clea, she moved into the living room to wait for her transport. Sam was present, speaking with Bucky and Steve. Steve's face was beet red and Sam was smirking. Even Bucky had a small sparkle to his expression. When Sam saw Rowan approaching, he raised his eyebrows, as if expecting Rowan to treat the situation like a walk of shame. Instead, the girl help her shoulders straight and met the man's gaze head on.

"Sorry for interrupting anything last night." Sam ventured, nodding toward the kitchen.

"Oh, you didn't." Rowan replied nonchalantly.

"Er. Good to know." Sam replied. "Hey listen. I know this is your first actual mission. I wanted to wish you good luck. I know we just met and all, but you're more than capable of handling this. Give yourself more credit, girly. You're tough as nails." he offered with a grin, clapping her on the back.

"Glad someone has some faith in me." Rowan said, shaking her head. "Plus. Not my first mission. That honor goes entirely to Steve sending me in to tail Pierce. And everything that led to."

"A lot of someone's have faith in you." Bucky replied, his voice even. "Tony's just worried. He's a good friend."

"Mm." Rowan replied noncommittally. "He's awfully nosy."

"Tony has a way of needing to know everyone else's business." Steve finally spoke. He was wearing his dark navy blue uniform with the white star on the chest, his shield strapped securely to his back. With his shoulders straight and head held high, he moved on from his evident embarrassment at what he interrupted earlier and hopped on his distaste for Tony instead. "It's infuriating, yet he's still on the team."

"Course he is. You guys would be lost without his brilliance. He may not play well with others, but Fury made the right choice in bringing him in. His tech is unparalleled. You know it as well as I do." Rowan replied.

"Yeah well. He could be a little easier to work with." Steve replied, a frown on his face.

"No he couldn't. He wouldn't be Tony then. And life would be so much less interesting. Who would I drink with? You? Please. You're a great person and all, but you can be a stick in the mud." Rowan replied with an affectionate grin, nudging Steve playfully. "In any case. Good luck on your own mission. Hopefully it won't be long till we're all safely back home."

"Have courage, Rowan. Be brave. We wouldn't throw you into a situation we didn't think you could handle." Steve said, his gaze sincere.

Rowan pursed her lips, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She didn't particularly want to leave on a serious note. She'd rather leave the farewells light. Joking. The finality of goodbye was depressing, and she didn't want to take depression with her. The mission was serious enough. As a shimmering pink mist began to form in the doorway to the kitchen, Rowan glanced to Bucky with a mischievous glint in her eye. As Clea materialized, Rowan took a step toward the woman, glancing over her shoulder to Steve. "Don't worry, Rogers. Sergeant Barnes put a whole _lot _of courage in me."

* * *

**_AN~_**

_Back with another one.  
Hopefully you guys are still with me.  
Rowan is the only one I own.  
Thanks for the reads and everything :D  
You are all lovely._

Hallow


	29. Chapter 29

Trudging through the Canadian wilderness hadn't been what Rowan had expected when Strange deposited them at their destination. The early afternoon sunlight peeked through the gaps in the leaves, dappling the dirt floor of the woods in front of them. Picking her way around stumps and uneven ground, Rowan took deep breaths, letting the calm of the outdoors around her seep into her body. She could do this. No big deal. Bucky moved silently beside her, his footsteps making almost no noise. It was almost unnerving the way he could fall back into the role of silent assassin. His training, it was clear, had never left him. And it never would. They walked in silence, agreeing before they arrived, that silence was best. They didn't' know who was watching. HYDRA could have people deposited in the surrounding woods, watching for intruders. If what Coulson said was true, and this land once belonged to a tribe, _her _tribe, the people would know the land better than anyone. That was, if HYDRA kept any of them around. It would be smart if they had. Having people around who knew the land was an asset. Then again, HYDRA was build on Nazi Germany's views. It was a toss up as to whether or not they overcame their prejudices for the sake of safety. It could go either way.

Surprisingly, Rowan and Bucky made it to the facility with no interference. That didn't mean that no one was watching. The woman had to struggle internally, battling the urge to speak to Bucky. To hold his hand. To have any sort of physical contact. But it wasn't safe, not until they got out of this in one piece. As they approached the facility after a good couple of hours of walking, Rowan eyed the two men stationed on either side of the door. The way they stood told Rowan they were soldiers, though she couldn't tell if they were fit with cybernetic enhancements or not. Not until they moved, guns pointed directly at Rowan and Bucky's chests, respectively. Bucky responded with a violent action of his own, a small knife leaving his hand and lodging into the throat of one of the men quicker than Rowan's eyes could follow. The sick gurgling noise the man emitted as blood seeped out of the wound and the corners of his mouth told Rowan that they had been human, for the most part. Holding up her hand before Bucky could do any more damage, keeping her expression neutral, she met the eyes of the guard. Had it been under any circumstance, the healer would have been puking up her guts. The noise the dying man made drove home the memories of the Triskelion and her own murder victim. Too close to her own actions. She had to fight to avert her gaze and keep it trained on the remaining man's face.

"Lower the weapon. I didn't come here to damage anything. I came to return HYDRA property. Word on the street is that your boss has been looking for our friend here." she said, tilting her head slowly in the direction of Bucky. "Word is you want him alive. Let's move on from the knee jerk threats and summon your superiors." she said, her voice taking on a cocky, almost sneering tone. The man seemed unsure, hesitant, before lifting a small device to his lips.

"Director. We have Fury's former pet here with The Winter Soldier. She said she's returning him." he spoke, attempting to hush his tone. "Ah, No. No sir. The soldier took him out before we could subdue them. Okay. Very good." he said, his eyes meeting Rowans as he straightened.

"Good boy." Rowan spoke, a snakes grin as he nodded. She knew she had one small victory under her belt. "Come, soldier. It's time to go home, wouldn't you agree?" she spoke, glancing at Bucky from the side of her eyes, hating every word that left her lips. This had been his idea, the best way to get into the facility without being as horribly inconspicuous as anything else Coulson had come up with. He had wanted to play this role. It didn't make things any easier. With no expression, he moved toward her, hands poised to strike should he need to. As the guard stood, two more men came, opening the door to allow Rowan and Bucky to pass. Though it killed her inwardly, Rowan stepped over the bleeding corpse as if it was an inconsequential piece of garbage, keeping her face neutral as she did so. She had to mutter a silent apology to the powers that be for her careless behavior. As soon as she was under the archway, she was on alert. Her eyes took in as much as they could, knowing Bucky was doing the same. As they moved through the hallways, the healer noted what doors Soldiers were coming out of, which soldiers were fitted with implants, the faces of those in charge. The visual information was snapping easily into place along with her knowledge of the layout. If anything happened, she'd be able to locate where they were. She recognized a couple of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, making a mental note to take them out if she got a chance. They were the reason for this mess. Goddamn turncoats. But she was a turncoat too, if only playing a part. As one of the familiar agents glanced at her, eyes widening, she offered a dark grin. "Hail HYDRA." she said with a companionable nod. The words tasted like poison on her tongue, but she would prevail.

"We were instructed to take the Soldier to cryo. He's been out for too long, we need to get him reset, do some maintenance on his arm." the guard said, turning toward Rowan. The way he spoke told her that he believed her allegiance to HYDRA was true. "You understand."

"All due respect, I got accustomed to having him at my back. Perhaps we could meet with the boss first. A little extra proof that I brought the asset back wouldn't hurt, would it?" she asked, dropping her eyelids into a demure gaze. If Bucky was prickly about her use of her feminine wiles, he hid it well, remaining just as impassive as he could. Rowan would fight dirty if she had to. She would use whatever tool she had at her disposal. Right now, that tool was her looks. "I mean, unless you're planning on sending him on a mission right away. Which wouldn't exactly be the smart thing to do, considering." she trailed off, her eyes resting on a door at the end of the hall with mild interest.

"I suppose you're right. But don't worry, ma'am, there are plenty of soldiers here to keep you safe when we take him back to wipe him. Surely they work just as well." the man said. "Though no one is going to attack you in here. They'd be fools to do so. S.H.I.E.L.D. isn't a threat anymore, so it's smooth sailing."

"Of course. But later. Right now, I want my proof with me." Rowan replied with an easy shrug. It wasn't smooth sailing and S.H.I.E.L.D. wasn't as snuffed out as they seemed to think, but this mans lack of suspicion marked him as new or an idiot. Perhaps even both. Even Coulson and his people ran everyone through rigorous tests now, not bothering to trust anyone right off the bat. Either HYDRA was getting cocky, or they really thought they were safe for a little while. Even after Coulson took out Cybertek's building, HYDRA still seemed content to believe they were better than anyone. They were untouchable. It made her wonder exactly who was in charge here. "Heard this place was built on a res. How long has it been here?" she asked, conversationally as her eyes roamed from wall to wall in mild interest, running her eyes over the two men in disinterest.

"Didn't hear the memo?" the bigger of the two guards asked gruffly. He had a broad chest and huge bulging muscles. He reminded the healer of one of those juice-head body building types. Even the tanned skin and cropped haircut screamed that he cared a whole lot about his looks. His age, however, had to have been nearing late forties, the spattering of gray in his short ash blonde hair, in tandem with the crows feet at the corners of his cold gaze told her that much. He was not a friendly, and if it came to any physical altercation, he'd snap her in half. She'd have to hope it wouldn't come to that.

"I'm afraid memos don't come through when one is on the run from the law. I found your soldier wandering the banks of the Potomac after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Which I was a part of, if you hadn't heard. I've been trying to find a damn place to return him for the past several months, this was the first one I got wind of, and not easily. The Canadian wilderness doesn't exactly have HYDRA information posted on trees." Rowan replied dryly. "It's been a long couple of months. Humor me."

"Been up for 'bout 15 years now. Had to take out the tribe that owned this land. Elderly and children. We kept the fit men for the program. And a woman. The rest, well. They were of no use to us. Best part is? We did it under the guise of S.H.I.E.L.D." the burly man said with a laugh. "After the fall, HYDRA took over easily. Not that the tribesmen are of sound mind to appreciate their saviors. Only one's got any memory is the bitch."

"Smart move. Why leave the woman her memories though? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?" Rowan asked, her skin crawling in the most horrible of ways at the words the man was saying. The ghosts of a hundred dead tribe members were pushing on her thoughts. She was no spirit speaker like she heard her mother was, but she was also not blind to the supernatural. She could feel the gloom over this place like a dark cloud, the words spoken only hammering the point home.

"Little bitch wouldn't work for us unless we left her memories in tact. Hers and her precious lover. He's only got half his mind though."

"Work for you?" Rowan pushed.

"You've got an awful lot of questions." The burly man said, turning his head slightly, an eyebrow raised.

"Merely curious." Rowan shrugged. "Wildlife is disappointingly short on gossip and legends. And the soldier doesn't speak much. Not anything outside 'missions.' I'm dying for some good conversation."

"You're not high enough security level to know all of the details of our workings." the man replied, remaining quiet after that, his body tense.

"Neither are we." the other one whispered. If Rowan hadn't had excellent hearing, she may have missed the exchange. "You know that if Sin knew we found any of this out, she'd have us killed."

"I'll keep your secret if you elaborate." Rowan spoke up, a small, knowing grin on her face. She was no stranger to exchanging secrets for secrets. It was a game she and Tony played when he was hiding things from Pepper.

"I find out you threw us under the bus, I'll kill you." The burly man said as the continued their trek down the hall.

"I value my life a little more than that." Rowan offered.

"The native bitch is some sort of medicine woman. She helps out when the subjects come back with wounds. Or when we need more... intense healing. I ain't a big believer in any of this voodoo weird shit, but she does some interesting work. Only got a few doctors on payroll, but sometimes other methods are helpful. She ain't very friendly though. Says the spirits of the dead will have their revenge. We keep her in cryo too, when we don't need her. Bitch's gotta be pushing 95 by now. Don't look it though. I'd opt for cryo if I could, but only the weapons get it. Keeps 'em young and useful." the man said with a shrug. That drove Rowan's suspicion about his values home. He was clearly self obsessed.

"Odd choice of bedfellows for a Nazi founded organization." Rowan replied as if she were commenting on the weather.

"We don't make the rules, lady. We just keep our mouth shut and follow orders. Here's your stop." The man said shortly, pausing in front of a large door. "Boss is checking Cryo, You stand in here, and you keep your mouth shut. He ain't too happy you killed one of the door guys. He hates cleaning up those messes."

"Door guy held a gun to the Winter Soldier. That death was not my fault." Rowan replied. "Surely you've heard the phrase "don't prod the badger.' Your doorman is responsible for his own mistake."

"Still." the man said. The door slid open, revealing rows and rows of large silver cylindrical containers. A large hand pressed roughly in between her shoulder blades before briskly shoving her beyond the door. Thankfully, Bucky didn't react. That would have sold them out. Instead, he remained a solid presence at her back. Stoic and silent. His expression remained completely blank, if not a tad angry. The way he looked when he was about to kill her in the depths of the Triskelion looking for Pierce. Convincing.

Too distracted by the view in front of her to turn and glare at the escort, she remained facing forward, wide eyed. Reminding herself to get her expression under control, a calm, cool gaze crossed her features and she held her head high. The escort had suggested she stand in the doorway and keep her mouth shut. He lost his privilege to order her around the second he decided to shove her. Instead, she let her legs carry her down the rows of cylinders. Unable to keep her curiosity in check, she glanced at some of the faces. One of them stopped her dead in her tracks as memories from her early childhood years flashed through her mind. How had she not made the connection? Coulson had mentioned her family had been on this reservation, but she hadn't seen them for twenty two years. Surely they had moved since then? But no. The hard planes of her birth mother's face shone through the blue freeze of the cryostasis. She didn't look a day older than she had when she had given Rowan to the foster home. Her angry expression seemed to remain as well, an expression that Rowan knew all too well. In fact, she may not have even recognized the woman had it not been for the hateful expression on her features. Even with her eyes closed, she looked like the same spiteful woman that had given birth to the young healer.

Without the promise of a calming nudge from Bucky, Rowan had to force herself to move on, straightening her shoulders as she strode toward the man at the end of the rows. He was surrounded by men in white coats, some of the men she remembered from her first viewing of Bucky. Men that willingly administered the painful electroshock on another human being. They were not men in her eyes. They were monsters. Narrowing her eyes, she lifted her chin and stood at the elbow of one of the white coats. "Good to know you've found another big boss to leech off of." she said with a sneer. "Lucky for you, I managed to catch your science project."

"And you are?" The man in charge asked, his eye raised, his expression supremely annoyed at the interruption. "And what gives you the right to speak to my employees?"

"Me? Rowan Flynn. Previously Fury's pet healer, currently turncoat, and in possession of your biggest success. I worked with Pierce, albeit briefly, to rid the Winter Soldier of the negative effects of electroshock. Thanks to me, he's no longer damaged goods. And I was kind enough to bring him back. That's what gives me the right to speak to your employees. I didn't see them out looking for him. All they did was damage him. I fixed him." Rowan said, failing to keep the smug pride out of her voice, despite the fact that it was an act. Bucky remained silent behind her.

"Ah, Ms. Flynn. We were wondering if you'd be a threat. Good to know you're on our side. I'm sure our organization will be glad to hear that you've returned our wayward project. We were worried S.H.I.E.L.D. got to him. He looks fully functional." the man said, his expression relaxing as he appraised Bucky.

"Oh he is." Rowan retorted, though her idea of functional and this man's were completely different. Her mind was not on the same plane as his as images of Bucky flashed through her mind. '_Stay focused._' She had to scold herself. Thinking about naked Bucky was not going to get her anywhere. It was a distraction. '_So Tony was right.' _she couldn't help but wonder. No. She wouldn't let him. Plastering a neutral, quirked eyebrow expression on her face, she placed a hand on her hip and glanced around the room again. "Nice location you've got here. Lot's of room."

"Indeed. Came with a few perks too." the man replied, not offering an elaboration on his comment. Rowan knew what the 'perks' were. Her mother and the rest of the male tribe members. If her mother was there, that meant she was the only female. The one the escorting soldiers were referring to. Which meant she was only helping them because her husband was here somewhere, a soldier under HYDRA, being experimented on. With only half his memories. But her mother had all of hers. Was it worth trying to save her? Shaking the thoughts from her head, she let her eyes rest on the boss's face.

"So you're in charge here? I never caught your name." Rowan asked, offering her hand to shake. "Sorry about my boldness, by the way. I'm a little bent out of shape that Pierce never gave me orders following the Triskelion."

"My name is Director Ulric Argent. Pierce is... lost, unfortunately. He made a lot of progress. I'm not in charge completely, no. But I watch things when our leader is held up elsewhere. As it is, she's here now. I'm sure she'll be pleased to meet you." the man said. Something in the way he spoke screamed suspicion at Rowan.

"Well then by all means, sir, lead the way." Rowan said, nodding toward the door. "If you don't mind too terribly much, I'd like to keep the Soldier with me for a while longer. Proof that I am here for the reasons I say I am. I'm not sure I can trust you people just yet, so forgive me for being flighty. After that, well. He was your prize from the Soviets, was he not?"

"I'll grant you that." the man said, offering a final nod at the lab techs and turning on his heel toward the door. "If you'll follow me."

Rowan wasted no time in tailing him, having to almost jog to keep up with his brisk pace. He wasn't a large man, though he strode with purpose, his dark green business suit hugging his broad shoulders. He looked to be about fifty, his light blonde hair streaked with silver indicating his age. His silver grey eyes were hard, almost unkind. He was clearly of German descent, the thick accent when he spoke another hint. True HYDRA through and through. Rowan wouldn't' have been surprised if his family had been part of the first HYDRA movement. Founding members. If she made it out of this, she'd be sure to ask. Argent led her back out into the hall and down the opposite way than she had come. The soldiers who had shown her in were gone, replaced by a couple of clearly cybernetic men. One of them had a large metal plate on the left side of his head, a piece that spanned across the left eye, halfway down his nose, and over one high cheekbone. His head was shaved, though Rowan could see that he was of native descent, probably one of the remaining tribe members. His dark eyes held no emotion, a mirror of the expression Bucky wore. The other had no visible metal parts, but the way he walked told Rowan that either one, or both of his legs were cybernetic. She didn't let her gaze linger too long on that one. There was a strange familiarity to him, an odd knowledge in the set of his dark eyes. She kept her searching glances to herself, but she could feel the unnerving gaze of the man on her back, burning into her. He looked like her brother.

"Just in here for a moment, I've got a few adjustments to make." Argent said, waving the small group through a door. Rowan's eyes were filled again with the sight of large machinery. There were chairs that looked as if they belonged in a futuristic dentists office with large metal objects looming over them. Some of them she recognized as the mind wiping hardware. Others she was unfamiliar with. She would have to ask Bucky if any of it was familiar to him. When she got a chance. "Agent Tomahawk, if you would." the man said, glancing at the familiar man.

"My, how racist." Rowan muttered.

"Oh, sure. But they don't mind. They're naught but tools. We could call them by any name, really, and they would respond. We've just given them cute little names to differentiate them from each other. More for our benefit than yours. The Soviets were no better. Your Winter Soldier was named after where they found him. In ice. Tomahawk is naught but a clever little name to help us remember how valiantly this one fought." the director said, his legs carrying him around the side of the chair that the soldier had occupied. "He's been an awful lot of trouble. Has to be wiped more often than not. I'm beginning to suspect that mother of his is doing more tampering than healing." It seemed as if Argent was talking more to himself than to her, which was fine.

She didn't need any more information. It was as she suspected. When Coulson warned her of familiar faces, she had brushed it off. There was no way that her family could be here. Right? Wrong. She hadn't put a lot of thought into the people who abandoned her. They were naught but ghosts. Memories. Until they were here, staring her in the face. Forcing her to think about them, forcing her to second guess her mission. Tony had been wrong about Bucky being the distraction. Her former family was the real problem. And a huge threat. If any of them realized who she was, the mission was over before she could collect any information. '_No time like the present'_. She thought to herself. "What adjustments, exactly." she asked, stepping to the side of Argent. "If you can share, that is. I've spent a lot of time with that one, and not enough time in the belly of Pierce's project. I'm curious to know how exactly all of this works."

"Oh, well. It varies. We had a cybernetics lab, but S.H.I.E.L.D. managed to take it down. One of their last valiant efforts, no doubt. It matters not. You know HYDRA's saying."

"Cut off one head, two more will take it's place. Hail HYDRA." Rowan replied as if she were a dutiful little sheep.

"Indeed. This lab, well. We carried the cybernetics over. It's quite useful. Better still the plethora of subjects we were left with. We killed the tribe, you see. All of them. Had our pick of the strongest, most able bodied men to mold to our cause. Little bit of electroshock, some Soldier Serum, and the ones who responded favorably, well. They remain our creatures." Argent said.

"Favorably. You mean you brought them back to life? I didn't know the Super Soldier serum had that capability." Rowan said, her discomfort growing.

"Oh, it doesn't. But HYDRA has since learned to use all tools available. We have never been blind to the outside world, Ms. Flynn. Where S.H.I.E.L.D. hid the existence of other beings outside our own planet, the great Johann Schmidt embraced it. We may not have the tesseract any longer, no, but that technology is not lost to us. Nor is the knowledge of other life. We have our secrets. They're not quite...perfected yet, but in time our cause will be carried out. With S.H.I.E.L.D. out of the way, all that's left is to eliminate the Avengers. I believe we can do that with these. With a few little tweaks in our research."

"Are you saying you used alien technology to resurrect the dead? That's impossible." Rowan said, her awe honest.

"Is it? I saw you examining our resident medicine woman in the Cryo room. She's one of the perks left behind from the attack on the reservation. The reason we attacked, even. We have little birds everywhere, searching this earth for things we can use. Word arose that there was a woman who could speak to spirits. With a little more nudging, we discovered that, under pressure, she could even force the soul back into the body. Even days after death. Effectively resurrecting the corpses we saw potential in. Since then, however, we've discovered more. During your time at S.H.I.E.L.D., did you ever hear about a project T.A.H.I.T.I?" the man asked.

"In passing. I wasn't exactly a high leveled agent." Rowan responded, her mind reeling in sick waves from the words she was hearing. She had a billion questions, none of which were anything she could ask this man. Even if she knew more about T.A.H.I.T.I. prior, the look on this man's face said he was going to tell her more. More that she wasn't sure she wanted to know. Undoubtedly information she'd need to take back to Coulson. If HYDRA knew about T.A.H.I.T.I., there were bigger problems than just super soldiers.

* * *

_AN~  
Still with me?  
I do not own anyone outside of Rowan, The Native's mentioned, and Ulric Argent.  
Everyone else is gloriously Marvel's property.  
This one is a little long, setting up for some serious crazy to go down.  
Hopefully you're enjoying the ride  
Your reads, views, faves, follows and reviews are the greatest thing ever.  
_~  
Hallow


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